Leaves - leaves

!unlock #leaves_lounge Opening...

Opening...

3:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

Good morning! Leaves Lounge is open!

3:01 PM

I'll be on for the next hour, if you've found your way here please say hello!

Hello, I've found my way here!

Good morning!

You out there getting into any trouble today?

Well, as locked in as we are the only trouble that is available to me is getting in trouble with my wife, which hasn't happened yet but the day is young.

Glad to hear that haha

How is your bakery doing? Have they closed up completely?

Reminder: We are a place of kindness. Check your comment for a friendly and supportive tone before hitting send.

Owner said they prob opening next week

3:25 PM

Been studying HTML, a bit of math, and entrepreneurship a lot

3:25 PM

Cruising some cool forums

3:26 PM

Keeping up with good habits

That's great. If you can put the stress aside it's a great time for self-actualization.

3:27 PM

Digital stuff is my business, although I haven't built anything myself in years it's a great skill to have no matter what you do.

Hell yeah

3:28 PM

My endgame plan is to start up a few businesses, working on the skills to get me there lol

3:29 PM

Never gonna have any sort of wealth if I don't

It's great and I highly recommend it. I've started and sold two in my life. One was a company to represent American intellectual property in Eastern Europe, basically, if you wanted to make a Lord of the Rings t-shirt in Russia you had to come to us for the rights, and also one of the first web design companies way back in the day.

That sounds great!

3:35 PM

You got some Russian connections? lol

lol, I do.

We were working in Moscow in the mid 1990s when the Russian mafia owned the place. The called them "flatheads" because they all had the same buzz haircut. Fortunately, with the structure of our business they never bothered us. They wouldn't understand intellectual property licensing even if we held a seminar.

The Russian IP company sounds pretty F'ing cool. Would be easier to get to the point where it could run itself than a web company would be, probably.

3:37 PM

and yeah the best part about online companies is not dealing with the literal mafia

Sadly, no companies ever run themselves, but we built that until it was the biggest firm in the region. It was a good, if contract-intensive, business.

A big part of what I want to do is create a product that will earn for me. I don't want to start a business that will be a job.

3:39 PM

Yeah it probably was pretty hands on

3:39 PM

Were you able to cash out nicely when it sold?

Yup, we sold it and the web company to a Danish group who wanted them, and then I became a digital and tech consultant for a long time.

3:41 PM

Passive income is a tough goal. Hard to own your own business that provides it -- they need constant care. Sometimes better to work your ass off, make a chunck, and then get your passive income from stocks. Much safer!

Very true!

3:42 PM

I reast the book Fastlane Millionaire about 6 months back and it kind of gave me a paradigm shift in the job game. If you've ever got a few minutes check out their forum, sounds like you'd fit right in. fastlaneforum.com

3:43 PM

Cool to see people posting their roadmaps they've used and giving advice on mine lol

I will, that sounds interesting. I'm always skeptical of "fast" anything, but I'm 54, I'm not in the same place as when I was 25, and have learned so many lessons the hard way I don't have the same recklessness. Sometimes you need that recklessness to do objectively dumb things that turn out to be a success...

3:46 PM

Plus, I was super high all the time back then!

It's an entrepreneurial forum. They'd probably call your businesses fastlanes lol

3:47 PM

fast isn't easy, either

3:48 PM

Fast being 5-7 years or so

Cool, I will definitely have a look -- sounds fun!

Hello, good morning...screwed up the timezones and got in late, but I will be at the next one.

3:50 PM

Hope you are all doing well

Hello

Good morning!

Hey people

Hey Spyros!

3:51 PM

Where are you in the world, hotdog?

New mexico

3:52 PM

Everyone I know and love is on the east coast of the U.S. so I truly should've known better

Ah, yeah, that's hard. We have family locked down out there too. I think they were on vacation and thought it wise they didn't come back.

3:53 PM

How's your quit going?

I have been on day 1 three times in the past week so not super well

3:55 PM

But if I can get over the bump of 2-5 days I will be set for a while. I've quite a few times with the support of leaves and I can do it again.

Do you have a supply around or do you keep buying?

I killed it last night

3:56 PM

Someone posted about not being able to stop and i was like "so get rid of your stash" and it dawned on me that I hadn't gotten rid of mine

Flushing it and getting it out of your life can be a big relief.

I hate it but my whole family smokes so it's hard for me to demonize it enough to back away

3:57 PM

and then I smoke and I'm like "see, hotdog, that wasn't as much fun as you thought"

I changed my stoner buddies avatar pics in my contact list to detour signs. Them MFers are a detour right back to shitsville for me.

lol, awesome.

Haha good call

Do you still have it around from your family hotdog, or can you keep away from it?

I can keep away

3:58 PM

I literally have no option right now tbh. The closest dispensary is 3-4 hours away and my SO doesn't smoke so I am good

Good -- the whole point of it is that cravings are temporary. If you can delay the time between when a craving comes on and your ability to satisfy it, you give yourself a better chance of avoiding it.

3:59 PM

That does sound good.

Thanks! I am going to mosey on our and get to work but i will get back in for the next meeting. Thanks.

4:00 PM

Said thanks twice... uh, whoops?

Cool -- I'm going to shut this down, back again at 1:30 EDT!

Byee!

Bye!

4:00 PM

!loungeclose

That's it for tonight everybody!

Remember, there's a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Cool, later!

!lock #leaves_lounge Closing...

Closing...

4:01 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

6:30 PM

Opening...

6:30 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

Hello! Leaves Lounge is open for the next hour!

6:31 PM

If you've just arrived, please say hello!

Hey again. I am assuming there will be more people around tonight but I will stick around for the hour.

Maybe? We'll see -- this test only went out to 20 people, so you never quite know, but when we roll it out to the group things may get more active.

6:33 PM

But good to see you!

6:34 PM

It occurs to me how much this is like the first days of Leaves itself. I just sent out a notification and sat there for a few days.

I am working from home so me and my computer are pretty tight these days. Can't see a reason not to be here. How was the meeting earlier?

6:35 PM

And what is your deal, how long have you been abstaining from weed?

The meeting was good -- I closed it up almost right after you left, but this is helping get the hang of discord, which I've never used before.

6:36 PM

I smoked as much as I could possibly smoke every day, along with other drugs and alcohol, for ten years, and now I have 21 years quit.

Damn that rules

It's still part of who I am though, so I'm glad to still be part of all this.

That is how it goes with all addictions I think. If you have the personality that gets hooked, you have to cultivate the opposite. Like I still consider myself a smoker (ciggs) although I've been quit for a year because I know how easy it would be for me to get hooked again.

Yup, that's why you hear people even with my amount of time still saying they're a "recovering" addict. The minute you think you're over it it will bite you.

Yup

6:42 PM

I feel lucky to be alone in this in a way, it would be harder if I weren't the biggest stoner I know

I had that advantage too. Most of my friends barely drink and not get high. My wife has six drinks a year if that. It makes it a whole lot easier.

6:44 PM

How long have you been smoking?

Like, 12 years?

That's a good run.

Super heavy every day use has been more like 8 or 9

6:45 PM

and it's not like it hasn't been helpful at times but I am just so over it. All it makes me do is eat and sit still

What do you do for work?

I'm a librarian

6:46 PM

A super-specialized one

There's an answer you don't see everyday. That's great.

Thanks. Lots of people like to give me off the cuff advice about how it;'s a dumb career move but it's worked out pretty well so far.

Lol. Bringing in that big library money.

Right? I won't get rich but with experience I might find my way into a comfortable position because I am specialized

6:49 PM

Who knows tho tbh

6:49 PM

The world kinda blows right now lol

I'm 54 now, and the only times I can look back and remember being excited and having fun was when I was really engaged in what I was doing. You need to earn more money than you spend and to retire on, but more than that and it never makes up for hating what you're doing. It sounds to me like your head's on straight.

Yeah that's why quitting weed is so frustrating

6:53 PM

I am at a point in my life where I love what I do, where I am good at it, and where I am with someone who is the opposite of a mess but I still feel the need to shut my life off at the end of the day

6:54 PM

What am I escaping from? Nothing. Just eating like 10 cheese sticks and falling asleep to Netflix

lol. IT SOUNDS BAD WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT.

It's a habit. I have so few bad habit left and this one is just giving me hell

Yeah, have you heard of phantom pains? That people who have a limb amputated can still feel like they have an arm or a leg still there. Our understanding of the world and who we are does change the instant you cut something off, but your brain comes around if you help it.

I am a fidgety, anxious person and weed totally helped with that but it does nothing for me now that diet and exercise can't accomplish better.

*doesn't change

My brain is rude as hell though. Part of why I smoked so much even after my life started looking better is because I started having insane nightmares when I stopped

6:57 PM

The longest I've gone without smoking was the whole month of August 2018

6:58 PM

And I just kind of have to deal with them now because they are strangely better for my health than smoking.

Well you've been ordering it around for twelve years. Beating it into submission with a drug that tells it how to feel immediately. It's bound to be uncivilized until you reach a new understanding.

6:58 PM

Have you run across the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns?

How long did it take you to stop thinking love about weed? and did you quit everything at once?

6:59 PM

No I have not

I haven't stopped thinking about weed. That may seem frustrating, but the analogy I use is it's like walking a tightrope. At first you fall. Repeatedly. Then you make it across, wobbling all over the place. Then, after awhile you're doing backflips, balancing on a chair... The interesting part of that analogy is that the tightrope and gravity haven't changed, you've just gotten way, way better. I still think about weed, I still have cravings, but they don't stand a chance against all the skills I have for dealing with them now. They're seed that just don't find any fertile soil.

Gotcha. I look forward to caring less about it than I do now.

You definitely will. Keep yourself busy. Keep that fidgety brain fully engaged with new experiences. Make lists of things to do. Super-hard in quarantine, but it's essential.

I have the bones of a plan in place

And check out that book. It's a great at-home CBT program. It will help with the anxiety if you go through the steps.

Nice. I will. I think I am going to duck out to prep for a meeting but it was nice talking to you again and thanks for setting this all up.

7:09 PM

Cheers!

You too! See you around!

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

7:30 PM

Closing...

7:30 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

7:30 PM

That's it for now everybody!

Remember, there's a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

!loungeopen

12:00 AM

!unlock

Command: !unlock

Description: Unlock a previously locked channel. Cooldown: 5 seconds Usage: !unlock [channel] (message) Example: !unlock #general !unlock #support We're back everyone!

!unlock #leaves_lounge Open...

Open...

12:00 AM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

There we go! Hi everybody, welcome to Leave Chat!

12:01 AM

We'll be here for the next hour, so please don't be shy and say hello when you arrive!

Hello!

Hey Matty -- good to see you!

Hi people

Hey Spyros...

12:06 AM

@Mattybara How are you feeling tonight -- how long has your quit been so far?

I feel great! I'm on day 9 and to be honest way easier than I thought. Was smoking for about 8 years but smoking regularly for 3 (everyday) (edited)

12:07 AM

How about yours?

Easy or not, 9 day is great

12:07 AM

Where are you from?

Beautiful Hudson Valley in NY

12:08 AM

Yourself?

Beautiful indeed -- I'm in DC now, but I live for 25 years in Manhattan, and for a few years in Hastings and Dobbs Ferry.

How's your recovery journey going?

Mine is well and stable, fortunately. I have 21 years quit now, after smoking as much as I physically could every day for ten years. You're never immune to relapse, which is why I'm grateful to still be involved in the community.

12:11 AM

It keeps my head on straight.

If you haven't read our rules, now's a great time. Have a look in #about to see how we do things...

Do you guys know Franz Kafka?

oh yeah metamorphosis

12:26 AM

thanks for the note / reminder subduction

12:26 AM

glad to be here

Yup, whenever people start adding -esque to the end of your name you know you're famous.

12:26 AM

Hey hydeta! Thanks for coming by? Where are you in your quit?

i just hit 7 days today, last time i quit was last summer for about 2 months but then relapsed hard all winter and spring

12:28 AM

quarantine has been helping actually

12:28 AM

turned 26 last week, decided it was time

7 days is a great milestone.. Quarantine is helping?

quarantine is helping because i've moved home with my parents temporarily, my roommate is still a huge stoner currently and i find it very hard to stay sober when im with them at my apartment

12:31 AM

every day my brain is still trying to talk me into smoking, but its slowly getting weaker and i just need to find ways to exhaust myself now

That is helpful -- so no weed in the house at all?

my brother is here and has his vape pen

12:31 AM

which has been difficult but spliffs were always my weakness

12:31 AM

and i dont have access to flower/tobacco/papers

12:31 AM

thank goodness

12:33 AM

how often do you find yourself craving now that you're 21 years sober?

Yeah, you'd me amazed how much of staying quit is circumstance. Getting as far away from it as you can, so that when you have a craving you don't give in right away. Be careful of that pen as you get more desperate tho!

agreed its been tempting me

12:34 AM

i've actually already been gaining weight since quitting because i used to wake up and smoke and then ironically not eat until the mid afternoon

lol, I have no idea how you did that -- I used to eat enogh for five people when I smoked.

haha yeah i know its counterintuitive

12:35 AM

i work a pretty stressful job and im still struggling to figure out how to wind down at the end of the daay

What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?

currently i've been trying to run and then take a SUPER hot bath (like sweating while sitting in it) so i almost give myself mild heat exhaustion and i come out of it almost feeling high haha

lol I've always asserted the dangerously hot bath can cure a cold, so why not smoking? (your science may vary)

my problem is still going to be social i can tell

12:39 AM

a lot of my friends smoke a lot and have no intention of quitting

12:39 AM

and im nervous for that

12:39 AM

but im hoping i'll be strong enough by the end of quarantine to say no

That's super tough. Do you think they'll respect your decision?

yeah they definitely will, they did last summer when i was sober for a while - but we all have historically used it as a way to celebrate

12:42 AM

and i think that's the part i still need to mentally severe

12:43 AM

like stop viewing weed as way to treat myself

12:43 AM

do you have any general advice being so long sober yourself?

12:44 AM

my other issue is that my friends and brother have more control over their weed habit whereas i always spiral out of control no matter how hard i've tried to moderate

12:44 AM

so i tend to think if they can do it why can't i

12:44 AM

but i can't

A lot, I guess, it's hard to narrow it down to like, ONE BIG THING, but

12:45 AM

First thing is that if it's about self-control then you're setting yourself up, because no one can control themselves all the time. You have to try to factor out self control as much as you can. Plan ahead meticulously, almost weirdly. anticipate social situations and rehearse what you'll say, think of down time and what you'll do, etc...be a planner

that's some great advice

12:47 AM

fortunately my roommate and i have had a long rule about not smoking inside so i will just not go outside with them when they go to smoke in the future

12:47 AM

or will try to

12:48 AM

i love this discord and sub because i need a way to remind myself in a month or two that i'm not stronger and that i still won't be able to manage it

12:48 AM

whereas in the past i always have

Great. Think things through -- like it's the afternoon, you're home alone, you have an unbelievable craaving, almost unbearable, you know exactly where your brother's pen is. All you have to do is take a hit. What will you do! You need to know, and have backups, because you'll get in that situation. You'll get in every situation given enough time. So you need to have plans.

12:51 AM

Yeah, the old "you've proved to yourrself you can quit, so now you can smoke!" is tactic one for your habit to manipulate you.

my biggest motivation has been traveling, the last 3 times i've traveled i've not had access to weed and i've just become such a horrible person who can't eat, isn't pleasant to be around, and generally its ruined the trips

lol, yeah, it will be nice to get that back. And you should have a little more money left over too.

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

true!

Okay hydeta, I'll be closing this up in a few minutes. but I'll reopen at ten for our last test. I've really enjoyed chatting with you! I hope we can get some momentum going on this, I think it would be a great addition!

I love your work @Moderator -- Subduction

12:57 AM

Thanks for this again

Thanks Matty! I'm glad you came by!

12:59 AM

Okay folks, I'll be back at 10pm for our last hour! Thanks again!

Closing...

1:00 AM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

1:00 AM

That's it for now everybody!

Remember, there's a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

3:00 AM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

Hello all! Welcome to Leaves Lounge!

3:00 AM

We'll be open for the next hour, so please say hello!

It's just me again lol

Ha! Happy to have you hotdog.

Well ,since we last spoke I wanted to know more about the direction you see this channel going in

3:03 AM

Do you think text is more or equally effective as voice chat, do you envision this ever being totally open or are structures meetings the way to go, and what made you think this was a good idea?

Well, I'm pretty conservative about Leaves mission, and protective of the group and its dynamic, so I don't take change, or additions lightly.

good. Lots of subs go to shit because people like to mess around too much or mods just plain don't care

What I notice is that people do seem to take to this medium. AA has an excellent server that I modelled some of our features on. And they have an active community there.

3:06 AM

The pressing factor for me is that everything, really everything, needs to be a controlled environment to a level not seen by regular users.

3:07 AM

At leaves we have trolls, people who don't share our mission, people who are angry and having a bad time, people who want to push other drugs, and people who want to market products, and they are all taken out to keep the place what it is.

3:07 AM

So If I can't control this the way we control that then I won't be interested. If we can get a mod team in place to keep this conformant with our values of kindness and support, then I'm happy to pursue it.

Makes sense

I'm taking this one step at a time. I've set up a channel for formal meetings, but I'm not sure the group is ready for that yet. So I think we'll start with an on-topic chat channel and see where it goes.

I have read some horror stories about moderating and I don't think i;d have the patience for it

It does take patience. But there are only so many names you can be called in a day.

Haha nice. I bet you have to deal with a lot of CBD people. I think there is an MLM that sells CBD now too so that could get aggressive

3:11 AM

I don't think that's helpful for people trying to cut the habit

We do, it's probably the biggest thing we remove. But we're not anti-CBD, it's just outside our scope. My feeling is, though, that any person dealing with addiction should be suspicious of being attracted to something so close to their smoking experience. It's like an alcoholic suddenly taking an interested in eating hops...

I think eating hops makes you trip balls though so that's taking things to a new level

3:13 AM

But yes, suspicious.

lol -- something I never tried. ONe more thing I missed out on!

I worked in a halfway house for a little while and I'd see people who were on heroin start huffing. It's not a good look.

3:14 AM

Anything to replace that drug-sized hole in your heart

3:14 AM

Months had passed and suddenly grown ass women would stumble in smelling like gasoline

3:14 AM

and I've subbed weed for alcohol a few times

3:14 AM

just makes me want to smoke

Yeah, when I was using I made what seemed like a very reasonable decision to replace all the drugs I was using with just heroin. Managed to get into rehab before implementing that plan.

Yeah the 'good;' thing about heroin is it gets rid of all your little problems and replaces them with one huge one

lol. Exactly.

3:16 AM

I had to quit drinking. Not sure I'm analcoholic, but I sure want to smoke when I drink, so I had to quit.

Nah I get it

3:17 AM

I am genetically inclined to be an alcoholic and I have tested that a few times

3:17 AM

It's not helpful

Yup, that's the only hard science we know about addiction. For all the theories and gurus and Ted talks, the only thing we know for sure is that the predisposition to addiction is genetic.

That scares the shit out of me the older I get

Why as you get older?

Addiction feels more real

3:20 AM

in my early 20s I felt like I was just doing things that adventurous young ladies do

3:21 AM

and then I started blacking out when I drank, or started smoking by myself when I was in a bad mood

3:21 AM

and seeing my dad smoke all day every day

3:22 AM

is a huge bummer

3:22 AM

It stops being cute

Yeah, I didn't quit until I was 34 and felt the same way. I was hiding that life from my kind, normal friends, and then smoking/drugs became my life, so I was hiding everything from my kind, normal friends. It felt terrible.

I try desperately to hide it from my work, from most of my friends, even from my boyfriend who lives with me because it was just so much.

3:23 AM

He'd be like "wow you smoked all of that already?!"

3:24 AM

We went on a run to Colorado at the end of January and picked up well over an ounce or high grade stuff

Yeah, I lost a ton of girlfriends back in the day because, to their credit, they weren't ready to put up with my shit.

and it was gone in a month

3:24 AM

I think there was a moment or two where it was cool and fun but that moment has been gone for so long

3:25 AM

I feel like a loser when I smoke now'

3:25 AM

and honestly, I realized it was more and more of an issue because I started to become really good at hiding it

3:26 AM

If I told people I worked with or people I went to school with how much I smoked they would be shocked

I was a secret smoker too. When I finally told people I was in rehab people freaked out. They thought I was joking.

Hah ok that's a good reality check for me

3:27 AM

it's 8:30 here and this is the hardest part of my whole day to get through without weed

I had to ask them: When was the last time you called me at night and actually talked to me? How many times did I "not hear the phone" or was "in the bathtub" or " saw you called but forgot to call you back?" It had been years

Yeah I flake out so hard too

Do you have weed now?

Nope

And it's a ways away to get more, you said?

Arguably I do have access to resin but it's been a long time since I stooped that low

3:29 AM

Yeah like a huge drive to a state that is currently in lockdown

3:29 AM

so idk if the yare even open

3:29 AM

Quarantine rules for these purposes

Can you get rid of the resin? You say you wouldn't stoop that low, but if it gets bad enough you might, and then you'll feel worse about your situation and who you are, and that's a cycle, ya know? Can you head that off at the pass, like your boyfriend cleans your gear or something?

I'll ask him

3:30 AM

you are right

3:31 AM

it;s grossing me out thinking about it though lol

3:31 AM

thank goodness

Yup, but I speak as someone who has nearly set his bong on fire trying to get something to generate smoke, anything, when his plug flaked.

3:32 AM

So...

yeah I am not above that. Like I said Ive had a few "day 1"s this week

You said that this is your most challenging time? at night?

Yeah I loved to smoke after work was totally done

Me too. What's your plan for the next two weeks? Besides just suffering!

Lots of exercise

What would you do when you got high at night?

Also just trying to distract myself with little stuff. Just got a new guitar in the mail so ima start getting back into that

3:35 AM

I would literally just sit on the couch and watch TV and eat

I am living proof you don't have to get high for that.

Guitar is a great step!

Yeah, I am also way better at videogames sober so me and my xbox are gonna be best buds for a while

3:36 AM

I also think that just taking a little too much melatonin and just passing out early gets me by as well

What time do you usually go to bed? Another option is if night is your problem, then just shorten it considerably for awhile. Start going to bed much earlier and getting up much earlier. Give your cravings less time to eat away at you.

Yeah that's in the plan

3:38 AM

I might just go to bed after this

3:38 AM

I am pissed at myself for going 4 days last week then ruining it

3:38 AM

and I know I ruined it because I was tired and cranky that 5th day

Sounds good. What was the specific situation in which you gave in?

I was exhausted because I woke up like 5 times the night before

3:40 AM

I know if I can make it past 2 weeks a lot of my physical and psychological problems will mellow out but holy hell it's so hard

3:40 AM

like, why does weed make you sweat if it's "not addictive"?

3:40 AM

ridiculous.

My strong suggestion is that you don't worry about two weeks, just worry about today. Your entire goal should be to go today without smoking. Get up in the morning, tell yourself you are not going to smoke. If it gets super bad and you feel like you have to smoke you can, but it has to be tomorrow. then get up tomorrow and promise yourself the same thing.

Yeah that's rough but youre right

3:43 AM

I try to see through to when things might feel better but that can sometimes make me feel hopeless about the present

"One day at a time" isn't just some saying, like "take it slow!" It is a rock hard strategy for not screwing yourself up. Just focus on today. I've been not smoking today, but maybe tomorrow, for 21 years now.

That's a long time!!

3:43 AM

I'd like to be there someday

3:43 AM

or close

3:43 AM

but 1 day is good for now

I'm no 12-step guy, but AA has a phrase that goes "Don't look up, don't look down." Don't focus on the future, don't look at how far you have come, just focus on right now. The rest will take care of itself.

Yeah there are some pretty good nuggets of wisdom in that AA stuff but I always got turned off by the higher power stuff. I think it has a way of pushing certain types of stubborn people out.

Yeah, I'm not a religion person either, but what the higher power thing does address that's important is that it isn't you. For some reason the last thing addicts hold onto is this arrogance that they still have all the answers, they just need to get things a little more organized and they'll be fine. The higher power thing is 12-step's way of saying "you need to stop holding the wheel for a little while and let yourself be helped." That's hard for a lot of people in trouble.

I can see thatr

3:50 AM

I am gonna head out and NOT smoke weed tonight

Alright!

thanks again for being around, let me know if there is specific feedback o nthis you might be looking for

3:51 AM

If you find you might want mods down the road let me know if I can help. As long as my state is tellign me to stay home, I will be looking for ways to spend my days

Thank you, I think we'll take it easy for now. I'll try to do an hour a day and see how it washes out, but as thoughts occur feel free to PM me.

Thanks and have a great night

That's great, I will put you on the list.

3:51 AM

Thanks, you to!

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

4:00 AM

Closing...

4:00 AM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

4:00 AM

That's it for now everybody!

Remember, there's a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

4:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

4:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Hi everybody! This Leaves experiment is officially open! If you'd like to, please feel free to say hello...

4:04 PM

Some of you may know me -- I'm Subduction and I started this thing 9 years ago.

4:05 PM

I had ten years of smoking as much as I could every day, and now I have 21 years quit.

What's up @Moderator -- Subduction ! Thank you for setting up this discord, I know for myself this will be helpful on my journey and more than likely others too! I'm on day 14 of sobriety, I was a consistent smoker since the age of 14 with small hiatuses in between. Like others I've struggled with quitting but this time I have really high hopes on staying strong.

14 days is awesome. It's when you really start to feel it though. I had my first real quitting crisis between two and four weeks. How are you feeling?

That's what I've been reading on reddit this is one of the hardest times. Honestly I've been really emotional lately, like all the feelings I've been burying is coming up.

4:17 PM

A plus and negative side I've noticed are my dreams. They've been so vivid it's crazy what my mind has been coming up with lol

Definitely. I think your brain starts to realize that you're not kidding around. It's not a break, so it starts to fight back.

Makes it difficult with all your stoner friends wishing you a happy 420

Thanks so much for setting this up @Moderator -- Subduction , 21 years is a serious inspiration! I'm only on day 5, I've been doing edibles for about 3 years and in the past year and a half I've been a daily user. Tried quitting once about six months ago but I wasn't serious about it, treated it more like a drug hiatus. I'm holding myself accountable this time. Weed's not bringing anything helpful to my life and I don't even enjoy it anymore.

4:19 PM

Seriously, glad this is starting on 4/20, I hate feeling like the buzzkill telling my friends not to make 4/20 jokes around me

If it makes you feel better from a non stoner friend, happy 4/20 @Sandwich !

Same here Bondomatic! Last night I had the most vivid dream in years, it was so surreal

Thanks @Lauren! 5 is great!

Just as in it's going to be a good day not for smoking lol

Let's hope lol. Honestly I'd rather this lockdown just be over so I can just have a pint nina pub for my birthday in a few days. I miss the simple things I took for granted by being baked out my mind all the time

Yeah, the advantage is that we have a good 4/20 and we remember it the next day.

4:21 PM

When's your birthday Sandwich?

29th

So true Subduction, first 4/20 I'm spending in a few years not in a vegetable haze

4:22 PM

Happy early birthday!

I'm the 22nd

@Lauren thank you! @Moderator -- Subduction happy Birthday to you as well lol

Have any of you tried picking up any new hobbies to preoccupy your time?

I've been wanting to! I was thinking of something like knitting? It seems easy to get into and I feel like I want something mindless to do while doing activities I used to be high for, like watching movies

4:26 PM

Have you picked up anything? It's also a little hard during quarantine... I was intending to buy a new bike but I have no idea where to get one nowadays lol

My wife knits and loves it. You don't have to be some awesome knitter to get satisfaction out of it.

I find reading books/comics can help you stop clock watching and helps you lost a little time if you can get into something. Also started lifting at home again now I've got some energy back I'm hoping itll stop me staying awake all night because I've actually done something with the day

4:28 PM

*lose

Knitting would be a great hobby! My fingers aren't nimble enough for it but its definitely one you could do while just watching TV.

I'm learning 3D modeling in Fusion 360 and learning python. Want to try to justify to my wife that I deserve a 3D printer. I agree with the losing time part -- you've really found something when you realize you've been at it for a few hours. Your brain has been too occupied to crave anything but what you're doing.

Oh that's a great idea Sandwich, I loved lifting when I was still able to go to the gym! How extensive is your home setup?

4:29 PM

I think I'll check out some beginner's knitting supplies today! I also like that I'll have a finished product... first ones will probably look like shit, but it'll be something I never would have made while being stoned all the time!

4:30 PM

Oh Subduction that's awesome, I've been meaning to learn python for my job! Are you teaching yourself?

2 dumbbells haha, I used to work beneath a gym so never needed stuff at home, it was just what I got to start with st like 16

Exactly and you could use those leaf funds towards purchasing knitting supplies. And that's been good @Sandwich for working out. Sweating helps the detox process and gives you those feel good vibes!

Yup @Lauren , just diving in from web page tutorials. I used to code a long time ago, but haven't in years so it's a wrestling match with my brain.

What did you use to code before? @Moderator -- Subduction I've taken a few classes in html and css before and it seems easy just tedious remembering all the little rules.

Honestly forgot I didnt get high this morning when I danced to the shower, which I'd have never done sober before. The rush elevated me like a mini high i just caught myself mid beat like what the fuck just happened to me haha

This is a little silly but I've also been playing Animal Crossing, there's just something really cathartic about taking things day by day and planting flowers, and none of my lil animal villagers smoke and they all believe in me haha

I've picked up on drawing a bit more and tried to get into music production but my brain is refusing to work with me on it lol

I started one of the first web design companies back in the day, so it was mostly perl, then javascript. HTML and CSS were part of it the whole way.

@Sandwich that's awesome and so inspiring! I gotta look for things that I normally don't do while high, I've seen a lot of posts on the sub about beautiful things in nature people are starting to notice, but that's a great idea to notice beautiful things about yourself

@IssaBLR I can imagine creative things like that can try to trick you into thinking youd be better at it high

@Sandwich I've been loving those little happy moments, I've been walking outside more and just standing there and looking at everything in awe. And there is the tendency to think those negative thoughts but then I remember the times when I tried to do that and never working out.

One of the best things I saw someone say on Leaves about the frustration of things like listening to music, gaming, or seeing movies when you were used to doing them high was "Remember, you didn't use the high to improve the music, you used the music to improve the high..."

@Lauren thanks :)

4:38 PM

@Moderator -- Subduction I actually cant play video games or listen to some music right now because I think that voice would be way too strong. I haven't played a video game sober in years

Yes exactly! I would get so inspired, smoke, and then end up spending my time watching tutorials on YouTube and get nothing done. And not even remembering anything I've just watched.

Weirdly I can still listen to rap, I used to think they endorsed alot of drugs while high but listening sober they sound like they condemn them or at least speak truthfully about them

@Sandwich Really good to know your limits. You'll get back there, but you need to be on a solid footing first.

@Sandwich that's why I think doing new things is a good thing to do now, gives you new experiences to think about instead of the old ones. What artists do you listen to?

@IssaBLR yeah that inspiring invincible feeling lasts like 20 minutes then it's just longing out for hours lol

4:41 PM

Oh god I listen to loads of different stuff idk really with rap I listen to like east coast wu, tang nas or more modern stuff like run the jewels

4:41 PM

Fuck the man music yknow

4:42 PM

*wu tang, nas

4:42 PM

*mongong jesus I cant type today

4:42 PM

Typo in my correction lol fuck it

Yeah those groups have a higher conscience to them so I can understand where youre coming from about them condemning drug use.

4:45 PM

Joyner Lucas has been a rapper I've been listening to, some of his songs inspire me not to be the guy who does nothing with his life and just smokes all day.

I'll give him a go, sounds exactly what I need haha

"Just like you" is the song is the gut punch that I think some of us needs sometimes especially if you have kids

Hey all -- if you don't mind me asking, where are you folks from? I'm trying to get a feel for what time zones people are in...

I'm from Indiana in the midwest USA, idk my time zone but its 11:50 right now lol

4:50 PM

AM

lol, yup, Eastern Daylight Time US. Same as me in Arlington, VA

South east England

4:52 PM

Dont tell the police

lol

I'm in upstate New York, EST

Great -- I'd like ot get as many of these going as there's a call for, but we have Leaves members all over the world -- Australia is an active place for us, so we'll work on getting mod coverage.

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

Good luck everyone! Stay focused

On my part, I'm very encouraged to see people here, and this first session was really fun. It's like the very early days of Leaves, I feel like this could turn into a great place.

This was really great, thanks for hosting this Subduction!

I agree fully, I was excited to see a discord being made for the group because I use the app a lot. Again thank you @Moderator -- Subduction for giving us this great resource!

Thanks everybody! We'll be back at 5pm, see you soon!

Closing...

5:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

5:00 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern Time (UTC-4) today!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

10:01 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

10:01 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Hi everybody! I'll kick things off. For those who haven't had something modded out by me (yet) I'm Subduction, I was a ten year as-much-as-I-could everyday smoker, and now I'm on Day 7950! 4/20 has less power for me because it didn't become a thing until after I quit, but I'd love to hear how you all are doing. Say hello!

Hello all! Stoner of 13 years, clean for a little over a year now.

10:05 PM

Got some big birthday plans in the works?

Lol, my wife has been hiding things as they come in, so who knows

10:06 PM

Probably a great dinner, she's a terrific cook and I'm the beneficiary.

10:07 PM

I'm not exactly outdoorsy, so this quarantine isn't really affecting me personally as much as it might otherwise.

10:08 PM

If anyone out there feels comfortable sharing where they're coming in from it would really help -- I'd like to set a schedule that works for everyone, so knowing where in the world people are would help...

Nebraska here

Arlington, VA for me...

hi everyone I use to smoke all day everyday for about a year before I realized it was causing a lot of harm and now ive been clean for almost 90 days

But that sounds like an awesome birthday plan @Moderator -- Subduction what's the meal plan for the birthday dinner?

10:12 PM

Hello again I have been smoking for 10 years but not today since I'm on day 14 of sobriety, sorry if redundant I didn't know if we had to reintroduce ourselves lol

today's been a little tough since all my friends are getting high rn

@IssaBLR You don't have to, but since this is new it's great if you do.

10:13 PM

@Alicia 90 days is awesome!

@Alicia same here a lot of my friends like to partake on this "holiday" as well. But congrats on 90 days!

It is amazing how much the social aspects are tied up in how we feel @Alicia

thank you guys

10:15 PM

yeah definitely

As people that have abused weed, we definitely have a warped view about 4/20. I've had to relearn how to be a freaking regular person and part of that is 4/20 being just another day.

10:15 PM

Normal people dgaf about 4/20

10:16 PM

Look at /r/all, there is nothing about 4/20 up there

How has everyone's day been and what's everyone been up to? Yes exactly my wife who didnt really smoke ever mentioned that today was only Monday to her lol

today's been ok idk im just trying to stay busy what about you?

I've been trying to configure reddit automod all day, so I hope you guys have found something more stimulating...

Same for me, my sisters birthday is ironically today so we're celebrating that rn. Other than that I went on a run and have been drawing random stuff lol

Are you an artist, @IssaBLR , or just learning?

Just learning, I used to draw all the time when I was a kid and decided to pick up the hobby again. (edited)

Learned Supertramp's song Long Way Home this morning, was my uncle's fav band lol

3

My BrotheriL just gave me a guitar, I need to pick it back up again.

I've only heard the one song gym class heroes sampled off of but I love that song lol what instrument? @Gorgoleon

I do some jamming with friends. Mainly bluegrass, oldtime, and irish folk stuff. Gonna try to get us to play Long Way Home and do it up somehow

10:24 PM

Learned on guitar but I have a bunch of stuff haha

That's awesome I saw fender is offering 3 months of free lessons if anyone is interested.

I have various instruments here, but it's something I used to do when I was high, and even after all these years I haven't reattempted recording/composing straight.

10:26 PM

I'm a trumpet player

Practicing is definitely a habit you have to work on. Very rewarding, tho.

You got link filtered! Congrats @Gorgoleon , you're the first ever mod bot trigger!

Glad to start a proud tradition lol

10:32 PM

Was gonna link to an imgur pic of my living room instrument stash at the moment

Yeah, I was supposed to be a trumpet player for a living. I went to music school and the whole deal, but didn't love it as a profession. Love it as a hobby.

10:33 PM

Nice - I wonder if I can post is as an admin: https://i.imgur.com/ajfmaWF.jpg

10:33 PM

Yup

Cool, yeah I collect deals off craigslist. Don't have any electrics in the living room atm

So would anyone listening like to say hello? Does anyone here have under a week?

You got quite the collection there! @Moderator -- Subduction

That's @Gorgoleon 's! I posted the image because we block links

You do any playing or anything, @IssaBLR ?

Oh my fault i was about to say you have a lot of guitars for someone wanting to learn lol well @Gorgoleon that is an awesome collection It's a dream of mine to learn the banjo one day

Hey yall! so happy I found this community. I'm 36hrs sober and grateful for it

Hey @~*ALiCiA*~ , welcome!

10:37 PM

36 hours is great. How long did you smoke for?

Welcome and glad to hear that!

@IssaBLR I grew up playing the banjo but don't have one currently. taking everything in me not to purchase one right now

congrats on 36 hrs!

I've got 4 banjos haha

There seems to be an emerging banjo underground at r/leaves.

3 in storage, tho

@IssaBLR its such a fun instrument!

Hey what's up @~*ALiCiA*~ glad to have you here! And @Gorgoleon besides a few riffs and chords on both the electric and acoustic I'm not super versed in guitar playing

thanks for putting this together @Moderator -- Subduction

10:38 PM

10 years as a functioning addict and stoner

Banjo is fun af to learn and play. There's dozens of different ways to play it. Very cool instrument.

been in program for others and marijuanna is the last to go

10:38 PM

@Gorgoleon ah!!! FOUR! amazing. I think next time I want an open back

@~*ALiCiA*~ Wow, 36 hours is quite an achievement after that much time.

I took the back off my daily driver haha. You know what sounds good!

10:39 PM

I usually play a clawhammer style

It seems so fun I would love to just sit on a porch and play the night away. I heard it's a lot tougher on the fingers though, is that true? (edited)

@Moderator -- Subduction hey thanks! I really appreciate the words. I think I'm just so burned out at this point? it's just time

10:40 PM

@Gorgoleon what styles of banjo do you play? I only really learned scruggs

10:41 PM

clawhammer yes I imagine but scruggs is all finger picks

@~*ALiCiA*~ , yup, as the AA folks say, "sick and tired of being sick and tired."

Depends on how you want to play. I've seen pics of people's banjos having bloood on them after a show because their fingers were bleeding from their playing. That's not going to happen when you're just playing on the back porch, though lol

@Moderator -- Subduction exactly !!

The greater question here is do banjos drive people to smoking, or does smoking drive people to banjos?

lol quite the thing to have in common haha

"I've got blisters on my fingers!" Lol but I'll definitely have to look into getting one one day.

@~*ALiCiA*~ I usually play a frailing or clawhammer style. I recommend checking out Clifton Hicks cover of the song Cuckoo. Very similar to that. Easy to just chill and jam out and be sort of a one man band haha

10:45 PM

@Moderator -- Subduction There's definitely a hidden link lol

Listening now -- it's nice!

o0o0ohh I'll definitely check that out!

10:46 PM

adding now!

It's an easier style to learn than Scruggs style. Scruggs style takes a looot of practice for me lol

wait so @Moderator -- Subduction how often do you imagine this discord to be open? sorry if you've said this elsewhere. this is my first time using discord

No worries @~*ALiCiA*~ -- at the moment I'm holding it down myself, so I'm hoping to stay with twice a day. But we need at least one mod available whenever it's open. I'm working on a scheduling app now where people can sign up to be mods. But for now, twice a day at 11 and 5 Eastern time

@~*ALiCiA*~ When were your main smoking times?

okay right on!

sup guys

I'd also like to start a more structured meeting, where there is one speaker at a time and we stay very much on topic, but I thought I'd get the group used to Discord first.

10:52 PM

Hi @Deleted User ! Welcome!

Yeah, apologize for getting massively offtopic lol

Thank you!

@Gorgoleon all day honestly during quarantine but when at work only in the evenings.

you just opened up again?

Welcome @Deleted User !

What's up @Deleted User! How you doing?

@Moderator -- Subduction like following AA standards in a way?

10:53 PM

I think that sounds great

Doing good guys, 30 days off weed tomorrow, bored with the quarantine, how about you?

@Deleted User We opened up at 5pm, and we'll be closing up in about seven minutes, but we'll be back in the morning at 11am Eastern time

congrats @Deleted User !! that seems like forever in my eyes. nicely done

Alright @Moderator -- Subduction are you guys in Europe?

@~*ALiCiA*~ Exactly -- inspired by their Discord server text meetings, which I think are great

Congrats on 30 days! That's double my time. Catch me in 15 days where you're at lol

suddenly you'll just be there, just gotta hang in there you know what I mean

@Moderator -- Subduction I'll have to check those out. I had no idea about discord till I found r/leaves

30 days is great @Deleted User

withdrawal is the worst part!

Worse than learning to go to sleep without getting high? haha

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

Oh man oh man yeah nothing beats that

@Deleted User I'm 36hrs in, haven't felt anything yet beyond headaches but I know its coming for me

where are you guys from

Nebraska

I'm with you there with the constant mood swings and insomnia it's crazy. But it's somewhat invigorating not having to smoke every single hour of the day.

I'm in DC

Indiana

I split time between New Orleans and Los Angeles. Currently in New Orleans.

know the feel with the mood swings and insomnia bruv

Where are you @Deleted User ?

especially when u hit those mood swings and you wanna smoke up, that's when u gotta take a step back and think why u are quitting

I got some melatonin but only going to use when absolutely necessary

Im over in Denmark

Awesome, my sister lived in Denmark for many years.

Yes I think exactly that, and if i do smoke again it's like i have to do it all over again. Not worth it yk?

Hey, I hate to cut this off, but it's time to wrap up!

aw ok!

Yeah im with you bro

Nice to meet you all! I'll see you over on /r/Leaves when I gotta drop that banhammer haha

We'll be back on the air at 11am eastern time tomorrow, and if we can add mods we'll add more times.

hit me up if you'd like to talk tho, later all

Alright nice talking to you

Awesome to talk to you guys again! Stay safe and stay strong!

Thanks everybody, see you tomorrow!

sounds great! talk to yall tomorrow!

11:00 PM

thanks for doing this @Moderator -- Subduction !!

eastern time = east coast time?

Yes -- UTC-4

aight sound mate, cya then

Closing...

11:01 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

11:01 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 11:00 am Eastern Time (UTC-4) tomorrow!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

4:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

4:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Good morning everybody!

4:00 PM

(If it's morning for you)

4:01 PM

How's everybody today? Any check-ins and updates?

4:03 PM

For those of you who haven't met me yet, I'm Subduction, and I kicked off r/leaves nine years ago. I was a functional, then non-functional addict and every day smoker for ten years, and now I have 21 years quit.

Good Morning!! on Day 3 of sobriety. yay! Today I woke up finally feeling symptoms of withdrawal. I almost feel stoned in a way but taking my time, acknowledging the phantom body pain, and moving forward with my day. Took my vitamins and drinking lots of water!

4:06 PM

Had THE most insane dreams but have been journaling about them all morning

Good morning, people! A bit over a year quit for me. I've been one of Subduction's minions (moderators) for over 3 years now and love the community ❤️

Hey @~*ALiCiA*~ ! Sorry about the withdrawal kicking in, but that means you're healing!

4:06 PM

Morning @Gorgoleon !

Good morning everyone! I'm on Day 15 of sobriety and still going strong. Prior to 10 years smoking on and off and deciding now it's time to quit.

Hey @IssaBLR -- good to see you back!

Glad to hear you've hit 3 days, @~*ALiCiA*~

Banjo Mafia representing today

@~*ALiCiA*~ that's a good idea to journal those dreams! I'll have vivid dreams of monsters and stuff (thanks to horror movies) so as soon as I have one of these dreams I'll try to draw out the monster lol

Question for folks: how did you mainly smoke/intake marijuana and what were your withdrawal symptoms like?

4:08 PM

@Moderator -- Subduction HAHA! Hey yall!

We run these streetz

@IssaBLR oooh I love that! (not the monster dream part) Mine always have a boat/car/train element to them. Dream version of me is always on the run haha

Yes, the vivid dreams are a total trip.

Hey guys, good morning!

I was all bong hits. I went to rehab so I had psych meds, but most of my withdrawal was mood related. I think I felt so physically terrible by the time I got into rehab I'm not sure I'd notice physical symptoms, but I alternated between non-functional depression and complete panic.

4:10 PM

Morning @Lauren !

@~*ALiCiA*~ I was edibles only, I never smoked because my mom had lung cancer. I'm only on day 6, I had a pretty severe dizzy headache on day 3, but since then it's just been cravings. It's hard to tell if my depressed moods are because of withdrawal or just my anxiety/depression being worse in quarantine... which I'd been sweeping under the rug by getting high all the time

@Moderator -- Subduction ahhh okay that makes sense

@~*ALiCiA*~ I smoked as soon as I got up waking up 2 hours before I had to go to work and then right after work. I just used a bowl. But so far my biggest withdrawal symptoms were mood swings, crazy dreams, and headaches/cloudy thoughts. It's getting a bit better on all of them. Excerice helps out with the emotions and headaches a bit.

My main method of using was smoking my pipe while gaming on the PC. Weed was the great enabler of everything. I'd spend all day getting high, playing games, browsing the internet, eating junk food, and all that bad stuff. Once I got off the weed I can't stand to play a game for more than 15-20 minutes at a time before I get bored.

The weird part is that I vividly remember my Pink Cloud -- I was standing on 102nd and Broadway in New York, and all of a sudden I felt optimism for the first time in years. It was like a drug in itself. I never felt it in quite that way again, but I've used it to motivate me.

And good morning @Lauren !

@Lauren oooh thats so real re: mood and quarantine. I realized smoking weed was exacerbating some ptsd which was exacerbated by quarantine and it just made me spiral so it was time to quit all together. It's nice to hear youve been able to keep moving forward!

@Moderator -- Subduction What a great sentiment! How long ago was that/how long after quitting did you feel that?

I began to think of myself as kind of a monkey in a laboratory experiment, where you press a button and get a fat shot of dopamine in your brain. That button was very real, though. It was the button on my lighter to spark the bowl. It also made every other button even better, like the internet or video game buttons.

@~*ALiCiA*~ Right! Like I'm sure getting high was just making the lows lower when I'd let myself feel them. Today's the day the last of my edibles are leaving the house and I couldn't be more excited! It felt like giving away a child which is how I knew they had to go

@Moderator -- Subduction I'm loving those small moments and I feel like I can get what you're saying. I never had the full mind clarity experience like the pink cloud reference you mention, but I'll catch myself feeling content especially if I'm outside and it's a nice day. It's a feeling of optimism and motivation letting me know I'm doing the right thing.

@IssaBLRgood to hear its getting better so quickly! I kept reading these month long symptoms and it was making me worried.

@Gorgoleon That's a super powerful analogy, I really like that! Ironically I'm a drug addiction researcher... and yet I never thought about comparing myself to my subjects, I think that's really going to help me

@Moderator -- Subduction wow! pink cloud? I've never heard that before

I think it was probably two months after I quit. A testament to how powerful it was is that I still remember it 21 years later. On the flip side, after thirty days I had a major crisis in faith. I think I hadn't been putting in the work on replacing my habit with more engaging things, and my brain figured out that this was supposed to be for good and fought back. Didn't relapse, but just barely...

Also, the button starts to wear out the more you press it. It doesn't give the same results as it used to so you're always looking for a better button to press.

@Moderator -- Subductionhaving been in recovery/program for other things - I never realized how important spirituality was till recently

@Lauren TY, I'm glad it made sense lol

@Gorgoleon that's wild about video games. I assume you don't partake anymore? what have you reoplaced that time with?

@~*ALiCiA*~ Yeah, Pink Cloud is common enough that it has a name in recovery. You have a moment where you feel almost unreasonably, manically happy after you have quit for awhile. It can be dangerous because it always comes to an end, and that's a prime time for a relapse risk.

@~*ALiCiA*~ it's different for every person so dont let my experience with totally influence your journey, like I said I'm only 15 days in but I do find meditation and exercise to be a key part. But take it all one day at a time that's the main goal!

@~*ALiCiA*~ If you don't mind me asking, are you religious? I've not religious but I've been trying to find a way to be more spiritual, how did you connect with it?

@Gorgoleon I like that button reference, I feel like finding something else that gives you the dopamine rush as the weed button is ideal.

@Moderator -- Subduction oh wow yeah that makes sense.

@~*ALiCiA*~ I'm not religious or even what I'd call spiritual, but I'm a big believer in whatever keeps people on the right track. If someone's faith is a source of strength then that's something to be celebrated.

@~*ALiCiA*~ I've become a very habit driven person. Once I had a paradim shift over the fake happiness that the button offers, I've spent every day trying to unfuck the reward pathways in my Mesolimbic pathway.

@Lauren I grew up super evangelical southern baptist so I have a huge aversion to it considering it was traumatic at times. I've been reading the power of now, meditating, doing yoga, all that stuff. I'm still new at it and learning more and more but I have definitely had some profound moments that i'd consider spiritual since I started this journey. It's a lot of unpacking for me regarding spirituality.

Spent years in low paying jobs selling weed on the side, so I'm dealing with the aftermath of that lol

@Moderator -- Subduction right! and we get to define what it means for ourself

1

@here If anyone is lurking we'd love to hear from you. Feel free to introduce yourself and tell us where you are in your quit...

Hey! Sorry I didn’t know it was open

4:23 PM

Nice to meet you all

Nice to meet you @Deleted User !

Hey @Deleted User ! Glad you made it, welcome!

Cheers guys

@Gorgoleon "trying to unfuck the reward pathways in my Mesolimbic pathway." sounds like youre reading books or know more about the science of what is going on. are you?

@~*ALiCiA*~ Yeah I feel you there, my dad's family is Catholic and being a lesbian we never really mixed lol. That's really great, I've been trying to meditate more and get out and just lose myself in nature. Spirituality seems like a deeply personal path and I guess part of that is figuring out how to get started. It's really great to hear that you've found profound moments - especially when I was high my brain would always tell myself that the dumb thoughts I was thinking were profound

Currently on day 7 after 5 years of abusing it

hi @Deleted User !!!

Feel much better anxiety wise and so glad I stopped

4:24 PM

Hey total career girl! (edited)

Hey @Deleted User ! So nice to meet you and glad you're here!

A week? That's awesome @Deleted User

Thank you so much x (edited)

Welcome @Deleted User , glad to hear that!

@Gorgoleon Ah shit that's part of my research! If you ever want to talk brain stuff I love it

By day 4 I had the realisation of what I’ve done the last few years

4:25 PM

My wardrobe having the same clothes since 2015

4:25 PM

Was a horrible wake up call but I’d choose that over carrying on with that habit any day

@Lauren oh gosh I totally feel that about being high + having moments of spirituality!

@Deleted User , Yeah, me getting married after 52 years of bachelorhood had the same effect on my wardrobe...

wow congrats @Deleted User

Realised I’m saving almost £5000 a year

4:27 PM

Spiralled out of control the last 2/3 years definitely, before it was only with friends so it wasn’t too bad

4:27 PM

Thought it was “helping me”

Yeah, it helps a lot of people. Not me though. (edited)

@Deleted User That's an incredible accomplishment after five years of use, congrats!

When I was sober I wanted to be high and when I was high I wanted to be sober

4:28 PM

Thank you Lauren

That's enough money to buy you some super fresh clothes! Lol and I was the same way. I felt like my brain was always going crazy and weed helped calmed it down. In the end I figured out it maybe the weed causing the issues in the first place.

Man that hits home with me bond

Absolutely feel you on that Ham Mouse... that was my last time getting high, spent it in a depressed panic that I couldn't do anything and just wanted to be sober. I keep trying to remember that whenever I have cravings

My days would revolve around when the dealer was free, I’d even sleep throughout the day to make sure I could meet him later on

Yup. Ever feel like you're a crackhead for weed? lol

Every day I was on it

4:29 PM

Alone anyway

4:30 PM

With friends I thought it was better as all were chipping in and sharing say 2g between 3

4:30 PM

After it became 3.5 a day alone

I've read lots of posts about people digging through trash or dumpsters for their stash that they threw away the night before. That's why you always use the flush method when ditching your stash lol

Yep I've spent my days waiting by the phone waiting for my dealer to hit me up. Literally fiending over a phone screen notification, then making a late night trip leaving my family just to pick up the stuff.

gosh that's so real. I realized that my marijuana use and anxiety had formed some kind of symbiotic relationship.

The first day off it I scraped my grinder and even the floor to try and find anything

4:30 PM

Felt like I was insane

4:31 PM

By day 4/5 I was able to find some and bin it

@Deleted User Lots of us have been there bro ❤️

Scraped it so hard the paint came off

4:31 PM

Thanks Gorg

I think a lot of us would be surprised at how many carpet fibers we've smoked after a frantic search.

@Lauren do you have any book recommendations for addiction?

4:31 PM

@Moderator -- Subduction hahahaha omg

Lmao same with me I would scrape every morsel of resin off my bowl. Just think if we used that tenacity on something productive!

I found I’d smoke less when I had more and more when I had less

@Moderator -- Subduction and cat hair...

Only got a g left? May as well get rid of it!

@~*ALiCiA*~ Lemme dig up suggestions! I was just telling Gorgoleon I think it's great when people with an addiction learn more about the neurological processes of addiction, so they feel like it's less of a moral or personal failing and literally just a chemical process that can happen to anyone

@Lauren YES! totally agree

My parents and friends have ‘welcomed me back’ after being so distant from them for years

@Lauren really helps take the shame away

My life was just about when the next joint was going to come

@Deleted User gosh so happy to hear that about your friends and family

@~*ALiCiA*~ YES I'm right there with you! Going into work and doing research on drug addiction then coming home and feeding mine... it felt like a double life

It still surprises me now that I’m talking here and the Reddit group without lighting up

4:33 PM

Never thought I’d beat it ever

@Lauren crazy the kind of blindspots we all have

Worst part of coming off it was the sleep issues and the excess sweating

4:34 PM

Chamomile tea does wonders for sleep if you’re struggling with it

4:34 PM

But the sweating part I haven’t got a solution for yet

@Deleted User good to know! becuase I really don't want a melatonin dependency

@~*ALiCiA*~ when I told the doctors about it they tried getting me on that

4:35 PM

If it wasn’t for that tea, I’d be on sleeping meds for sure

which just feels like adding a drug to cope with another drug

Getting over the nightcap is one of the first speed bumps for sure. Sleep comes easier with that warm glow.

First few nights I only had 3 hours sleep, with the tea and my body adjusting I’m now on 8 hours a night

4:38 PM

Have to change my shirts 3 to 4 times a day due to excess sweat though which I admit is gross

A member on the group posts a link on insomnia that's a great set of threads on sleep -- you can take a look here (sorry, only I'm allowed to post links...): https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/6re5u5/some_more_effective_sleep_tips/

r/leaves - Some more effective sleep tips ...

11 votes and 1 comment so far on Reddit

Thank you!

This is an issue I'll have to come to terms with soon once I go back to work. My first week I wouldn't go to bed until 5 in the morning and thankfully I haven't had anywhere to be the next day so when I could sleep I did.

Yeah first few nights for me was watching the sun come up before even beginning to feel tired

@~*ALiCiA*~ Definitely would highly recommend The Addicted Brain by Michael Kuhar, really fantastic introduction to the brain and addiction. Unbroken Brain by Maia Szalavitz is also good but in conjunction with others... the author gets a little preachy about their personal opinions and attacks the 12 step method which does work for some. And finally Memoirs of the Addicted Brain by Marc Lewis is one of my all time favorites, a neuroscientist's journey through drug addiction, really hits hard and it's nice hearing about addiction from his perspective

from that thread - "Lie back flat, roll your eyes back a little bit, breathe deeply, and gently focus on that part of your brain. Repeat in gentle waves. For me, this is like a switch – as soon as I do it (even standing up right now), I start yawning."

4:40 PM

that has worked for me a lot over the years

I’ll give that a try tonight, thank you

@Lauren omg omg copying and pasting this into my notes. Thank you SO MUCH. exactly what I've been wanting to read.

@~*ALiCiA*~ I hope they help you! I would love to hear your thoughts!!

@Lauren I'm looking them up now! ❤️

@here If you're lurking please say hello, we'd love to meet you!

4:44 PM

I'll add to reading amterial, this time for anxiety and depression -- if you haven't run across the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns, it's a great start on CBT techniques you can use to help manage mood

cognitive behavioral therapy?

Yes. It seems a little crazy at first, like "wait, I just do that and I'msupposed to magically feel better?" but my experience (and peer-reviewed studied) show it really works. (edited)

okay great! thanks for the resources you all ❤️

hey all. just about 3 weeks in after 5 years of going hard. feeling good besides sweating on insane levels. Looking into recent medical research on cannabis withdrawal syndrome has really helped ground my experience with withdrawal and made it easier to battle. yesterday was pretty brutal craving wise but powered thru. proud to be part of this community

Hi @yames wow! three weeks! congrats!

Hey @yames , welcome!

hey antidote, welcome!! three weeks is amazing, congratulations!! ❤️

21 days is amazing, great work so far!

What's up @yames 21 days is awesome and I'm happy to meet you!

Glad to have you here, @yames

@yames I'm amazed at how often people on Leaves, for years, have reported the same exact physical symptoms, seemingly with no knowledge that anyone else has mentioned them before. Sweating comes up so often.

4:51 PM

We get, maybe, five or six a day on crazy dreams and one or two a day with out-of-control sweating, and a lot of them are like, "uhmm, has anyone else gone through this or is it just me?"

That nasty weed smelling sweat, so you still smell like weed even tho you haven't smoked lmao

@Moderator -- Subduction I'm no scientist but the only reason I can think of is that our bodies are wanting to burn fat to release thc that's trapped in our body just to get a lil high? I'm just trying to think of WHY we sweat. idk feels like such a weird irrelevant symptom.

Is it weird that I enjoy the sweating? I only had two nights where it felt like I was drenched, but after i wake up and take a shower i feel like a new man.

Haha it doesn’t help that many of us were fed the (very outdated, based on dirt ass weed) idea that it’s not addictive, so it’s easy to feel crazy or deficient in some way when you’re experiencing physical symptoms.

@IssaBLR hahahaha honestly that makes sense

Couldn’t agree more Antidote

@IssaBLR Excellent mindset

@~*ALiCiA*~ Yeah, your body panics when you pull out what's become a biochemical building block.

“I can’t be addicted as it’s not addictive!” takes another toke

4:53 PM

Hardest thing I had to come off was Prozac, think weed has been easier than that at least

@yames absolutely. I selfishly didn't tell my dad that I quit because I don't want him to be right about anything lmao. I'll tell him eventually. not that it's any of his business but...

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

Wow, our second day and these hours are just flying by now!

I feel you.

@Moderator -- Subduction I know

but grateful for them!

1

I'm putting together tools so people can volunteer to be chat mods so we can extend these hours a bit more, so if you're motivated to help stay tuned!

@~*ALiCiA*~ I'm in the same position most of my friends dont really know I've quit, the only people that do are my dealers so they would stop hitting me up. I like the satisfaction for myself in the end.

@Lauren I just purchased that book by Marc Lewis!

i've been talking to Gorgoleon about addiction and the brain, and i was wondering if anyone would want a neurosciencey write up about addiction, cravings, and withdrawal symptoms?

4:56 PM

i was thinking of making a post on the reddit about it!

Totally!

@~*ALiCiA*~ one of my absolute favorites! i read it before i fell into addiction, and it's just even more powerful reading it after

@IssaBLR totally! it's such a personal journey and it really has nothing to do with how I view marijuana as a whole. (personally) It's just not for me.

4:57 PM

@Lauren YESSS!!!!

@Lauren (Puts on r/leaves mod hat) It's a great topic, but I'm afraid it's outside our scope on Leaves. we stick to a narrow focus of emotional and personal support there.

@Lauren Re: the writeup

4:58 PM

oooooh

Oh facts

fair

My dad was the same, told me for years to quit but thankfully he didn’t rub it in when I told him he was right

@Moderator -- Subduction really though these hours I've been looking forward too, its giving me a place where I can check in and hold myself accountable for you guys too!

@Moderator -- Subduction of course! thanks for letting me know, i can always talk to people personally about it if they're interested!

Yeah thanks for opening this up

@IssaBLR totally agree!!!

Okay all, we're coming to a close, but we'll be back at 5pm Eastern time (UTC-4) -- hope to see you soon!

thanks so much @Moderator -- Subduction , this has really been an amazing outlet and it's so great to hear about everyone's journeys!

3

yes! thanks so much! talk to yall later ❤️

I hope everyone has a great day and I'll see you in a couple hours!

Closing...

5:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

5:00 PM

That's it for now everybody!

Remember, there's a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

10:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

10:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Hey everybody! Welcome (back) to Leave Lounge!

10:01 PM

We get more people each session, which is really exciting. I'm happy to see both new and familiar faces here.

10:01 PM

(faces? whatever)

10:02 PM

Please say hello and tell us where you are in your quit, we'd love to here from you

I'm at 6d14h. Started to workout again

Hello. Day 23 for me. It's gone very well so far except for a rough bout of vertigo which is likely unrelated. I really enjoy the /leaves community.

Hey @jackspider ! Love counting the hours. Was absolutely there myself. Working out is great. I'm ahead of you on days, you're ahead of me on that.

Hi everyone, 2 years sober with a few relapses here. Former 12 year daily smoker.

Well done

Welcome @NeoXNemesis ! 23 days is great -- I'm glad you found us!

Thanks

hi all, will mark 4 months clean at the end of this week. longest time off for me since i started i think, more than 15 years ago...

What's up everyone! I'm 15 days in with sobriety. Heavy user for the past 10 year with small hiatuses in between. I'm excited to see some new "faces" in the discord lol

Thanks for coming @Default 2 years is epic. so much hard work.

I'm very impressed at how fast breathing and lung capacity improves. I am also a 10 year heavy user, and the lungs were starting to bother me, especially now.

What's your workout like @jackspider ? And nice @Max 4 months is a huge milestone! (edited)

Hey @Max! 4 months is really about the time I started feeling like I could maybe stick with it. "Maybe..."

Good job guys. Bondo, 2 week mark is tough. Symptoms decrease and its where i let my guard down in the past

And right @NeoXNemesis I've been running more and it seems like every day I get a bit faster and my lungs cough up more crap.

hey guys. a little over 6 months sober. started October 5th in a 12 step sobriety program, now I'm just trying to live sober

24 days here. Got a sponsor in Marijuana Anonymous and been going to meetings online. Grateful to not be high today

@IssaBLR for my first weed I am going easy. I do 30-50 mins of stationary bike and try to do one set of each muscle groups throughout the week to get some flow going

10:10 PM

week* haha

@Default I get what you're saying I can definitely feel a bit of cockiness about handling my addiction. I feel like that could nip me in the bud lol

@jackspider lol

@WiseEpicurus[Brian] I'm grateful to meet you man! And congrats on 24 days.

I'm also taking the dog for walks. my parents don't recognize me

Hi @Phaxxy ! Congratulations on 6 months. Living sober is the long term solution, waay better that staying sober.

And congrats to all for not folding on 4/20

@IssaBLR nice to meet you. Cool to be here. Been on r/leaves for a few months. Love the community. Definitely a big factor in me deciding to get sober

@Moderator -- Subduction thanks homie

Welcome @WiseEpicurus[Brian] -- happy to have you here, 24 days is great! (edited)

@jackspider I need to get more into the muscle building aspect I feel like I'm turning into a skeleton and becoming unrecognizable myself lol

Weight lifting definitely helps

10:14 PM

It also gets you more looks from the ladies

@WiseEpicurus[Brian] the community is definitely welcoming and understanding, which drew me into it myself.

I'm very motivated cardio exercise wise but lifting weight I'm having trouble

i was about a month into the stronglifts 5x5 program before covid hit and i couldn't go to the gym anymore

10:15 PM

if you have access to the right equipment though it's great

@IssaBLR It was great validation that I had a problem. The wider culture is unfortunately really ignorant about marijuana addiction.

I'd say nothing is ever a problem, just a chance to learn to fix something lol it will come around to the forefront in the next few years I'd imagine. Especially with this isolation trend coming around.

10:17 PM

I can't wait till I can go to the gym again though. Lifting weights is a blast especially when you get into the zone.

Weed is just too potent these days for more people to not start to have issues and adverse effects

SPECIAL REQUEST: If you're comfortable with it, can you give a quick idea of where you are in the world? I'm still trying to sort out the best times for us...

Canada west coast

hiiiii!!

Howdy welcome

Thanks @Default!

10:21 PM

Hey @~*ALiCiA*~ !

just got back from a long walk because yall.... these withdrawals are fierce!

Right? @Default especially the pens they have out these days. When I started having my issues with those that's when I started figuring out I have a problem.

The dreams were one of the worst symptoms

What's up @~*ALiCiA*~ you're kicking those withdrawal symptoms butts though!

US east coast

Yea bondo. Towards the end i was getting too paranoid and anxious and decided it wasnt worth it anymore

And I agree @Default I have nightmares consistently and they are so vivid

@Moderator -- Subduction West coast USA

It's not I was near convincing myself I have schizophrenia at times lmao

I was almost convinced i had schizophrenia too!

lol thanks @IssaBLR !! no other way but forward

Had some bad depersonalization

@Default ooh yes love me a good depersonalization spell lol

10:25 PM

jk

Scary as fuck lol

To quote Dory "keep on swimming"

a cinematic icon!

Bondo the psychiatric symptoms get much better over time. But will take a while till they are almost gone

10:26 PM

For me it was thatt way

That's what I'm figuring too, my biggest issue lately are my mood swings. I've concluded it's all the emotions I've been burying rising from the ground like the undead zombie I was once was lol

@here If you're lurking I encourage you to introduce yourself. We'd love to meet you!

Relapses bring them right back though. I used to think every once in a while like i could smoke and have it be like it was before it got bad. Was always wrong

10:30 PM

Sry if im triggering anyone

Yep and that's why I've decided it's best to abstain permanently. I mean if eminem could do it for 12 years I can do it too.

@IssaBLR yeah I think we mentioned this the other day, it's all or nothing!!

Good job man

Just saw the Eminem thing. It great it's getting so much press.

is @Lauren on??

Thanks everyone, and I am too. And I hope she stops by to say hello

just bought and started reading the book Memoirs of an Addicted Brain and it's great!

A quick programming note -- r/leaves semi-annual post on r/trees is currently number 3 on r/all, so we should be getting an influx of new members. If you have time, try to comment on people's (edited)

10:34 PM

posts so no one is ignoored!

Hi all. New here. I feel like I’m interrupting. Not sure what to say but it’s my third attempt to stop but first time actually opening up about it, to anybody. It’s been a lonely ride tbh .. and wanted to try something new

@Deleted User Welcome to the community !

If anyone is lurking and has any questions that i might be able to help with, im open to private dm. 2 years since i quit, but not without a few relapses

10:36 PM

Good job walrus!

Hi @Deleted User , welcome! Not interrupting at all -- so happy you found us.

Each attempt makes the next one more likely to succeed

@Moderator -- Subduction good to know!! definitely will!

10:37 PM

HI @Deleted User !!! you are so not alone!

What’s up fellas

I had tried to quit probably 20 times before it stuck

10:37 PM

Hey

@Deleted User hello and nice to have you here! No interruptions on my end and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm taking up the chat, I just get excited talking to everyone about this because like you I dont really talk to anyone else about my sobriety

I’m about to start my attempt at sobriety tomorrow!

What's up @Maxwell how are you doing today?

@Deleted User How long have you managed to stay quit?

@IssaBLR same - especially with marijuana. everyone is a functioning addict in my life tbh

Hey @IssaBLR I’m doing well staying positive

No one else in my life really gets weed sobriety so this discord is great

^

hey @Maxwell !

10:38 PM

you got it

10:38 PM

*this

All my friends smoke and constantly urge me to. Kinda sad

@all thanks for the warm welcome. Honestly feels like a breath of fresh air to see the kind words about me trying once again

Do they days seem longer when you’re sober to you guys

whats up guys how yall doing

The*

Days definitely seem much longer

hello! what's up

But thats a good thinv

Maximus it highly depends on what I am doing to be honest

Hey @Deleted User !

ThTs true I guess I just need something to do!

If I am working out and staying busy, it really seems fast, but otherwise it seems slow if I sit on my arse all day

What up @Deleted User good to see you again and hey @Laria glad you can make it!

At the start days seem much longer because my favorite passtime was gone. Had to find new ones and learn how to do old passtimes sober.

And the days seem super long if you're bored I agree

You too Bondo, hi Subduction

This is my first day trying (again) so far very good

Let’s goooo @Laria

"Idle hands are the devils playground" is a statement that's been underrated lol

^

@Deleted User addiction is such an isolating experience

If you'd like to help with chat modding duties, please send me a PM here or on reddit at username Subduction. The more moderators we have the longer we can keep this open.

@IssaBLR that's a good quote

10:42 PM

did you make it yourself?

Lmaoo no honestly first time I heard it was the cheesy movie with seth green and Jessica Alba back in the day

Hahaha

10:43 PM

but it's true tho

Is anyone here a severe smoker 1 gram a day or more

@Maxwell used to smoke 3g a day yeah

@Maxwell yeah especially during quarantine

10:44 PM

+ edibles constantly

And that's what's up @Laria! Do you have any plans to keep yourself preoccupied?

@~*ALiCiA*~ you still going strong?

@Deleted User how long did it take you to fully withdrawl

I smoked an oz a week at least for the past year

@Deleted User sure am!! withdrawals kicked in today but we're pushing through

@Maxwell it would be easily to tell you on voice chat, been a lot of ups and downs, but i would say anywhere from 7 to 21 days

10:45 PM

That's it man! keep going @~*ALiCiA*~

I’d love to talk sometime tonight?

Sure bro Im down

@Deleted User

I was kind of buying a 3.5g a day. smoking about 3g and flushing the rest. rinse repeat haaa

Evening all - I'm around 5 months clean. Quit just before Christmas

I'll add you

@IssaBLR Well I have a lot of productive activities to keep me busy; Excercise, gardening, cleaning. The problem is when I get bored

If anyone else is down for a chat let me know

10:46 PM

@Deleted User How long have you managed to stay quit?

@Moderator -- Subduction longest has been 3 months.Wish I can say it was longer

For those who have stopped smoking or decrease their usage, do you have more motivation to accomplish your goals or other activities? I’ve been trying to get my IT cents but lost motivation once I started smoking during the timeframe of studying for the IT certs

Was a daily user and literally my only pastime

I agree with @Deleted User it seems like the pwd substain after a week or so. Then the mental games come into play.

Also hey everyone, happy to be here

For those who have stopped smoking or decrease their usage, do you have more motivation to accomplish your goals or other activities? I’ve been trying to get my IT cents but lost motivation once I started smoking during the timeframe of studying for the IT certs

@lilren4495 hell yes

@lilren4495 yes. I had no motivation before. Now I'm more driven and frankly happier with my lot in life

i cannot emphasize this enough

10:47 PM

i feel like a different person

10:47 PM

the bar was so low when i was smoking

10:47 PM

albeit i smoked a fair amount about an eighth a day

What's up @lilren4495 and @ChazzaMcRock I'm glad you guys made it!

and when i quit i realized that being "functional" is not something to strive to be

@Deleted User That's a pretty good run tho. Each attempt brings you closer. How long has it been as of today?

i'm in an accountability discord as well as this one and it helps to be around people with a similar mindset of self-improvement etc

10:48 PM

@lilren4495

@~*ALiCiA*~ yes it has. I’ve been working on opening up more but, I’m sorry I forgot who, but someone mentioned it in the chat earlier that sometimes friends don’t really understand weed or what they’re going through

10:49 PM

@lilren4495 ever since I stopped smoking I've been getting shit done in regards to my goals. Definitely more motivated, but of course it's not some kind of transformation story where it is linear progression. Ups and downs all the way, but definitely I feel much better

also whats up guys

@Moderator -- Subduction 1 day. I was having a difficult time but like many of you I saw Eminem’s post and felt motivated a bit more

i love this community so much

10:50 PM

glad theres a discord for it!

10:50 PM

at day 1 after 4/20 but got to 5 days before that

Since i quit i retook 3 high school courses and got really good grades. Enough to get me into a competitive university program :)

@Deleted User yeah ups and downs. I quit in June but not cold turkey. Went from daily to weekly. Cut back further after I had a health scare in September (Wasn't serious) but it made me evaluate my life and how I need to look after myself

@Deleted User Same here, day 1

Had 4 joints between September and December

10:51 PM

Then nothing

@lilren4495 for me motivation these past 15 days have had ups and downs. Not my most productive week my first week because I was so focused on not smoking.

@ChazzaMcRock looking pretty bench bro

10:51 PM

hench*

@misheel that's what up though you got this this time around, everyone has a day one.

@Deleted User lol thanks - I'm a drummer kind of comes with the territory. Those are recent PR pics we had done

@IssaBLR yessir i aint pressed about it at all

@Deleted User yeah it's such a personal experience and people have such an inflated idea or view of addiction that they almost dont take you seriously. At least in my expwerience.

That's a huge cutdown on the weed by the way, massive respect, would not have been able to do that myself

sobriety is a mindset

10:52 PM

not a number

@misheel ooooh thats good

10:52 PM

I'm remembering that

@ChazzaMcRock what kind of band you drum for?

@Deleted User 1 day is great. I had one day, now I have 7,951 days. It's possible. Have you gotten rid of your stash?

I really do appreciate y’all responding

@Deleted User power metal. Joined them 2 days after my last joint so it's been a good thing to have to keep me occupied

Waddup all ✌

Happy to have you here @lilren4495

fucking glorious man, I love metal

What's up @Sneakz !

10:55 PM

Not the biggest metal fan but the drums are the shit tho

80 days sober

thats whats up. You?

@lilren4495 It's going to be ouch and go for a little while on motivation. Keep in mind that you're making a big change. That messes everything up.

@lilren4495 didn't get to say hey so HEY! happy you're here!!

if anybody wanna talk on voice chat later Im down?

damn @Sneakz !!!

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

@Sneakz I'm going through withdrawals currently - how long did yours last?

@Sneakz nice!! You're killing it! I'm 15 days in right now.

2 months till everything was normal again

@Sneakz nice!

@here Man, these sessions are flying, but we're going to have to close up soon. I promise I'm working as hard as I can to get them open longer.

good to know

10:57 PM

@Moderator -- Subduction I'm going to message you on reddit

@~*ALiCiA*~ it all depends on how much you smoked

@Sneakz yeah that's about right. Easier after a week. But took about that long to really settle down

@here Again, if you'd consider learning how to become a mod please PM me here on on reddit at username Subduction. The more mods we have the longer we can be open.

At 2 years here. If anyone wants to dm, im here

@Deleted User I don't remember a day where I haven't been high in probably a year but 10 years total as a stoner

What's normal in the first place? Lol I'm excited though I feel like it's going to be a different world. And like the other guys said if anyone wants to talk or what not just send me a dm. I'm not an expert but I'm a person that likes to talk lol

@~*ALiCiA*~ yeah I smoked a shit ton too, some days if you'd smoke only 1g or like 3g that's a huge difference

thanks @Default

Eye opener for me was having around a half ounce in one weekend at a music festival. I realised I was having way too much. Then just had to give it up

also true!!

or 0,5g even

I want to participate but I don't know howm, maybe tomorrow

One minute everybody!

ye man lemme know if anybody wanna keep chatting in private, just add me man

@ChazzaMcRock dang, yeah smoking more than I've ever smoked got me there too...

ill make a group yeah?

Everyone have a good day and stay strong! See you tomorrow!

me @Deleted User

We'll be open again at 11 tomorrow morning (UTC-4) Hope to see you all there!

11:00 PM

(Eastern Time US)

good good

See you tomorrow!

Closing...

11:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

11:00 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 11:00 am Eastern Time (UTC-4) tomorrow!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

4:01 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

4:01 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Good morning everybody! Welcome to the Leave Lounge!

4:02 PM

Very happy to see new people here today. If you're new, things can move a little fast in the chat, so please just jump in and introduce yourself, we'd like to meet you.

4:02 PM

For those of you who don't know me, I'm subduction, and I was an everyday smoker for ten years, and now I have 21 years quit. Please say hello!

Good Morning!

4:04 PM

How is everyone feeling this morning??

Good morning @~*ALiCiA*~ !

hi @Moderator -- Subduction!!

hello guys

Personally, a bit tired. Our annual 4/21 message on r/trees made it to number 1 on r/all yesterday, so we've had a whole lot of new folks. What we call "luxury problems."

4:05 PM

Hi @Deleted User !

Good morning everyone! I've been a smoker for 10 years with small hiatuses in between, 16 days sober now.

omg I bet!

4:07 PM

Hey @Deleted User and @IssaBLR !!

Morning @IssaBLR !

@Moderator -- Subduction when this happens what's the ratio you think that actually sticks to quitting?

4:08 PM

And morning @~*ALiCiA*~! how are you this morning?

4:08 PM

sup @Deleted User lol

had some insane lucid and nonlucid dreams last night but wrote about them all morning. Feeling nauseous but nothing I can't handle! What about you!?

morning guys! wow Subduction that's amazing!

Hi, first time poster, long time r/leaves lurker. 1 day down and I went for a run this morning, so I'm hopeful today will pass evenly.

@IssaBLR Hard to tell who actually sticks with quitting, but based on traffic we usually keep about 30 percent of any big bump. We also gained 3,000 new subscribers, so they're more sticky.

@ssciolist omg wow! what a great start! congrats

happy to see you here!

hey @ssciolist nice to meet you and glad to see you on the chat!

congrats on pushing through the first day!

Hi @ssciolist ! Happy you made it!

Thanks! It was almost harder to say hello, lol

@ssciolist congrats on the first day and glad to have you here!

Afternoon guys

4:10 PM

Hope you’re all doing well

Careful @ssciolist , there are a lot of banjo players here for some unknown reason, but otherwise it's a great group.

@ssciolist idk why but that first engagement is always so hard!!

4:11 PM

hey @Deleted User !! happy to see ya!

Hey @Deleted User !

Hey guys, hope everything is going well

@~*ALiCiA*~ the journal idea is a good one, you could probably have a decent graphic novel by the time they settle down! Lol

Currently got fleetwood Mac on to keep me happy haha

@IssaBLR lol omg most definitely!! how you been this morning!?

4:12 PM

how are you feeling this morning @Lauren !?

4:12 PM

@Deleted User ooooh love that

@~*ALiCiA*~ doing pretty well actually! i'm honestly giddy that i've made it to a week, longest i've been abstinent in a long time!

4:12 PM

how are you?

@Deleted User good day to you! Fleetwood mac makes me sad and happy sometimes lol

Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow, thing that keeps me going

@here If you're here and lurking, I encourage you to say hello. Everyone here took that tentative step and we'd really like to hear from you!

@Lauren That's awesome, are there positive things you've noticed so far?

@Lauren that’s great to hear

@~*ALiCiA*~ I'm doing good though! I'm currently drawing and watching the midnight gospel on Netflix

@Lauren sitting outside with my coffee sunbathing and was writing about my crazy dreams last night haha

4:14 PM

@ssciolist how long have you been smoking ?

hey all im new here im just trying to drop it after about 1 and a half years of daily

@ssciolist more motivation honestly! i feel like my days are longer, i used to squander my mornings waiting until an acceptable time to take an edible, and then it was just in a haze for the evening

@Papacyanide hey!! so happy you're here!

@~*ALiCiA*~ i was thinking about writing mine down too! good or bad dreams? i had vivid bad dreams but it's actually kind of a cool feeling, going from not really having dreams

@Papacyanide what's up and welcome to the group!!

is it any good bondomatic

@Papacyanide so nice to meet you!!

welcome!

it's not easy but it feels a little less lonely knowing that there are others going through it too

Hey @Papacyanide ! Nice to meet you! How long have you managed to quit for so far?

Well done guys for maintaining abstinence, it’s not easy by any means

@Lauren omg, yeah, I feel that. When I stop numbing my feelings, I have so much more energy. That's what I really am looking forward to, waking up a little easier, not feeling so exhausted

im only 2 days in and it sucks

I personally like it a lot, it's a weird show but it talks about spiritualism and mindfulness with a psychedelic twist. @Deleted User

@Lauren they weren't terrifying but they werent ideal haha... had some lucid moments last night

First 3 days really suck bro

@Papacyanide hey I'm 4 days in now! I'm right there with ya!

It gets easier every day after I find

@IssaBLR oooh that sounds cool

@ssciolist right! i like the feeling of waking up and having the whole day ahead of me

@Papacyanide No question. What's your situation, are you around other smokers? Do you still have a stash?

@Papacyanide yeah that's when my body was really fighting me on quitting. Nervous breakdown after breakdown lol but it gets better!

@Papacyanide are you having any withdrawal symptoms?

@~*ALiCiA*~ i have never been a lucid dreamer!! what's it like? inception-like? haha

For sleep, try chamomile tea my friend

4:17 PM

I have two cups at night and it does wonders

1 not around smokers i do it with 2 i do and i am having withdrawal mostly not sleeping in the past 2 days (edited)

@Lauren it's kinda terrifying like your body is responding and moving to the dream and my eyes are open and I'm somewhat conscious but my mind is still technically living in the dream?

4:18 PM

but it's not very long

sorry typo

I'm 1 day away from 2 weeks

I had 12 hours sleep across the first 3 nights, it’s a bitch I know it is but honestly, it gets easier

4:18 PM

@Enzo that’s superb

@Papacyanide I had the same issue my first couple of days. I would stay up all night and go to bed at 5 in the morning.

Longest in a while

hey @Enzo congrats!!! that's a long time!

awesome @Enzo

I'm ecited to get to that point!

@Enzo congrats on almost hitting two weeks!!

@~*ALiCiA*~ that sounds a lot less fun than i was imagining, especially if they're nightmares

Thanks all, i usually break right around this point, but im trying to do my best, and tell the cravings to fuck off

@Enzo wow congratulations, that's amazing!

how're you feeling?

life drama really doesn't help either

Not great, Dissociated and anxiety ridden, can eat again now though so that's good

I’ve had to stay away from friends who smoke, if anything this isolation has helped

@Lauren it's more scary because you feel like you don't have control over your body but hey, just happy Im able to sleep at all. lol

@Papacyanide totally agree there

it's been a stressful time with quarantine... hard to not want to numb it

@Papacyanide If you haven't seen it, one of our users posts a great link on insomnia threads on getting your sleep together. https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/6re5u5/some_more_effective_sleep_tips/

r/leaves - Some more effective sleep tips ...

11 votes and 1 comment so far on Reddit

@Lauren I can agree with @~*ALiCiA*~ it's crazy being in a lucid dream. It's like your totally in the dream but if you think something in your mind your subconscious makes it happen out of nowhere

@Papacyanide and this quarantine is so stressful on the mind and body, its no wonder we want to smoke

thanks @Moderator -- Subduction ill have a look

@IssaBLR Yes!! wild

@Enzo is there something nice that you've been able to eat at least?

I read that, has some wonderful tips I must say (edited)

got a proper craving for apples as weird as that is

4:21 PM

ate 4 yesterday lo

Any of you sweating pints?

! ha that's awesome

4:22 PM

There's so many great apple types

I am sweating all the friggin time

@Enzo that is awesome though, for my count at least 4 doctors will be staying away from you now.

(edited)

lol @Deleted User I'm living in the south right now so I can't tell if its the withdrawals or the humidity lmao but yeah I def feel sweatier!

@Deleted User Crzy sweating comes up all the time on leaves. Such a strange symptom but so many people get it.

I’m in South Wales and it’s 99% of the time bloody freezing here

4:23 PM

Feel like I’m on fire mun with this

4:23 PM

I’m glad I’m not the only one Subd!

@Enzo literally the only thing I've been able to eat has been fruit!!

4:24 PM

maybe I should bake an apple pie.....

4:24 PM

ugh pie crust is so hard

@Enzo , @~*ALiCiA*~ , that's wild! I feel like I just overeat on pot.

Yeh, it's weird, glad im at 2 weeks but i still romanticise smoking like rolling up and smoking, so trying ignore it but with dissociation and anxiety and irritability its hard to ignore and say no

@Enzo its been a ritual for us for so long

@Enzo I can get where you're coming from I'm 16 days now and the thought pops in my head in occasion. Like im missing out on something by not smoking, but then I remember I missed out on so much more because I smoked.

@Enzo it is so easy to romanticize it. I do it all the time. Have my little special ways of smoking for certain times and certain parts of the day. I just have been trying to find something else to replace those rituals

4:26 PM

@ssciolist omg definitely

yeh wrote like 15 lines of code today and it took me a few hours, but when i was smoking i never wrote any. I literally got to the stage that i was forgetting things 6 hours after hearing it

@Enzo wow! thats crazy

4:27 PM

I read half a book yesterday... half the time I'd be too stoned to keep focused and would spend time scrolling my phone

@Enzo exactly! That's one of the reasons I had to quit, I hated feeling like I was getting dumber and not learning anything.

@Enzo I relate to the forgetting stuff. In a weird way, it's a blessing because it's one of the things that inspires me to try and quit when I get into a bad rut. As far as romantizing, it's so dumb, but any time I see pot smoking on TV, I have SUCH an urge

@~*ALiCiA*~ are you reading the book from @Lauren recommendation?

yes!! it's so good! Memoirs of an Addicted Brain by Marc Lewis

4:31 PM

it's GREAT. Gives you anecdotal experiences while also backing it up with science to explain what he was going through. He's an addict turned neuroscientist

I have spoken with people who are actively still smoking and i wanna go get some super bad, but when i ask how much they smoke and they say like 3 gram a day i remember why i quit and how bad my dependency was

4:31 PM

every day i dont smoke i save £10, so, so far i have saved £130 lol

way to go!! That rules!

@here If you're new here please say hello! Remember, this server is only three days old, so we're all new here too!

@~*ALiCiA*~ I'll definitely have to pick it up I haven't read in a while I've been an audio book guy lol

@Enzo wow yeah I wonder how much I'll be saving... I should look into that lmao

@Enzo that's what's up!! Do you use an app to keep track?

@IssaBLR I'm totally an audiobook girl too but I've been enjoying reading while being on lock down to pass the time.

I have an app called Quit Weed that I check religiously since starting lol

I’ve tried helping my mates off and they just can’t get passed day one

nah i don't want a daily reminder first thing when i wake up being about weed lol (edited)

@IssaBLR oooh an app!! what a great idea!

4:33 PM

@Enzo hahah thats fair

@Enzo true that I can see where you're coming from, I like it cause it kind of tells you where you're at and what stages you're at in the detox.

4:35 PM

Currently I've saved $166.48 and not smoked 33g

@IssaBLR I like that budget estimate, it let's you plan potential rewards that aren't smoking again.

I bought crochet hooks and yarn!! excited to learn something new and be able to make stuff for my friends! figured I'd use the money Id spend on pot to go to that

@Moderator -- Subduction right? I've bought so much art supplies for half the price so far and keeping me productive. I bet if we tracked your progress the savings would be outstanding! Lol

4:39 PM

@~*ALiCiA*~ nice I'm excited to see what you come up with! I think that will be a very useful skill and hobby too

@IssaBLR I quit back when weed was still relatively cheap, not shatter and pens and stuff, but my conservative estimate is that I spend $50 thousand in my career. These days would probably be five or six times that.

Alright everybody, I'm going to sign off to try and get some work done, but I really appreciate you! Thanks for being so nice to a newcomer, and see you tomorrow, or maybe this afternoon, depending on how the day goes.

Even with generic delivery weed in New York City I was spending $400 a month

4:41 PM

Thanks @ssciolist , glad you came by. Hope to see you again!

@ssciolist I'm happy i got to meet you! You have a great day and hope to see you again soon!

yeah! It's been ruminating in me to start making my own clothes for awhile (curating and collecting 70s clothing is a hobby of mine) and the crochet aspect fits perfectly into it. super stoked!

4:42 PM

hope to see ya back @ssciolist

4:43 PM

@Moderator -- Subduction wow!! when I first moved to LA I spent so much money on all the new ways to partake. I would have like every kind on me at all times.

From my calculations you have saved a little over $100,000

@Moderator -- Subduction

also what's crazy is the only time I've had a medical emergency from doing drugs was from smoking dabs.

4:43 PM

wowwwwww

I can't imagine how I would have been with modern dispensaries. I would have really lost it.

oh gosh. its so real! I was so broke when I first got there too but as long as I was high, I was fine with it

4:45 PM

how could I not call that addiction?

@IssaBLR Jeez. From the category of "Things That Are Not in My 401k"

that's crazy man

@~*ALiCiA*~ I can see you coming up with some modern 70s clothing, I think that would be a good look for this day in age!

how much would you guys usually smoke a day?

4:46 PM

and how expensive is it there

totally!

@Moderator -- Subduction lol I'm sure the time you got in return was way more a worthy investment though

i'd take 70s clothing over 70s hairstyle any day

during quarantine I was going through about half an ounce of flower every week on top of taking edibles. When I was in my normal routine with work I'd vape oil and pop a 10mg edible as soon as I got into my car

I used to buy an oz every week and a half and would smoke by myself and whatever friends came by. @Deleted User but idk on the hairstyle thing, hyde had a total swaggy fro.

I've always worked out at the gym while violently high. It was the only way I could get myself through it but I think that's just what I was telling myself.

If you want to be cheered up, the girl I’m seeing just said she thinks Ariana has a better voice than Whitney Houston

@Deleted User lolol love me a good shag!!!

Cheered me right up I tell ya

@Deleted User I'd admit it did give me a giggle

Yeah I was on an ounce every 2 weeks, figured I’m saving almost £5000 a year

4:50 PM

lol working out in the gym high got me paranoid as fuck when Im benchpressing or squatting

@Deleted User she probably hasnt even really listened to whitney... she was before our time honestly

Not saying Ariana can’t sing but Jesus

4:50 PM

It’s Whitney Houston

4:50 PM

Moment in time is unbelievable

4:50 PM

@~*ALiCiA*~ yeah who doesn't love a good shag

@Deleted User well that's the thing! i would only do cardio while high!! i could never get myself to the weights which is something I've always enjoyed

urban dictionary that shit

@IssaBLR That's the part that's hard to explain to people. When you quit, what you get back is that opportunities don't just drift by anymore. There isn't this overhead of "nah" that everything has to get over in order to get your attention. Now that I'm older I say I've been lucky in career and life and stuff, but to be honest it was only partly luck. It was the luck of opportunities coupled with my ability to act on them. Something I didn't have when I got high. (edited)

i never got how people can do cardio while high, i gas out 2 minutes in and quit lol

so well said @Moderator -- Subduction

Hahaha same

@Deleted User I don't get how people can do cardio straight, but I think that's something I need to sort out on my own

cardio? is that spanish?

lol

i guess it really depends on what kind of cardio for the individual as well

4:54 PM

some like running, some like cycling etc

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

yeah I hate running but love me a spin bike or elliptical. its meditative for me. I'd get high and zone out but also probably just fantasize about shit that wasnt real which is also just another form of disassociation

I didn’t mind jogging just wanted to go back for another joint when high haha

@Moderator -- Subduction I can see what you're saying. It's like if you were smoking you would never take the time to be ready for when opportunity steps up, I'd admit some of it maybe luck. But you were ready at the right time. Very inspirational when you put it like that.

gosh these hours fly by!!

Running while high on a treadmill always seemed like a death trap to me lmao

Time is coming up all! Really enjoying this new addition to Leaves.

me too! genuinely so grateful.

They really do! I'm excited to see how this group continues to grow.

@IssaBLR Also, you make more contact with people outside your stoner peer group. All the opportunities I got were because I was recommended by someone. That happens liess when you're high and playing CoD.

Wise words Sub

so true!!!

4:57 PM

❤️

Not that I'm Mr. Social, but when I was high I lived the life of a hermit in a cave. The people I had most contact with were food delivery people.

4:58 PM

I tipped well tho, so we were friends.

(edited)

yeah i guess you'd always be content when you'd smoke up all the time

@Moderator -- Subduction yessir I believe that, I'm ready for quarantine to be over so I can explore the world without the guidance of weed.

Okay folks, so happy to see you all, and the lurkers too! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern Time (UTC-4) !

Closing...

5:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

5:00 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern Time (UTC-4) today!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

⭐ Welcome everybody! We'll be starting soon! ⭐

Hello everyone! Welcome!

10:01 PM

The bot we use to administrate things here is down, so can someone say hello to confirm you have access tot he channel?

Good afternoon all, hope the apocalypse is going well for everybody ❤️

Phew -- thanks @Gorgoleon ! We're on the air for the next hour -- great to see everyone!

How have the birthday festivities been going?

If you're new here, please say hello, we'd love to meet you. This is only three days old, so we're all new here anyway...

10:03 PM

Good! Been doing nothing. Catching up on Westworld, Better Call Saul.

10:04 PM

My wife has a special dinner, zoom with family...

How's it going everyone! I've smoked for 10 years and I'm now 16 days sober. And happy birthday @Moderator -- Subduction !! I apologize for forgetting to mention that to you earlier.

Sounds like a great way to spend a bday!

10:05 PM

Heya @IssaBLR , good to see you!

Yup! Nothing is one of my favorite things to do, second only to whatever-I-want.

Great to see you too @Gorgoleon how has your day been?

Evening everyone! Hope you’re doing well

Hey @IssaBLR !

10:06 PM

Hi @Deleted User !

Hope you’re doing well mate

@here If you're lurking, the protocol here is to just jump in. There's no wrong time. Just say hello, tell us a little about where you are in your quit.

@IssaBLR Very good, been trying to stay busy today. Giving @Moderator -- Subduction a break from moderating on his bday, so I've had to dust off the 'ol banhammer

Happy birthday @Moderator -- Subduction!

Ooh, bans. A lot of new people, so not too big a surprise.

10:09 PM

Thanks @Findict !

What's up @Deleted User ! And that's funny @Gorgoleon people be acting a fool already?

was jk, I haven't banned anybody in months. Even then, it was bots posting links to online weed shops

10:09 PM

Lots of off-topic stuff, thankfully nobody arguing lol

Just so everyone knows, I'm older now, so expect my wisdom to be through the roof. Like 11 out of 10.

Hello everyone and happy birthday @Moderator -- Subduction

Thanks @jackspider !

10:10 PM

Welcome!

10:11 PM

@jackspider @Findict Where are you in your respective quits?

1 week for weed and 5 days for cigs

I'm not necessarily quitting, just been a member of the sub for a while and I love the community. Mostly here to support and learn along with you all. But not now, it's past 11 PM here

10:12 PM

FYI, I never used in the first place

10:12 PM

so it's not like I'm not quitting

10:13 PM

I just find MJ addiction fascinating

Hello, mates.

@Findict Ahh, so you're in, what, Eastern Europe?

@jackspider Grats! Feeling any difference?

I’m good man, on day 8 today

First time in the lounge

West Europe, Netherlands specifically.

Hey @Joel! Welcome!

Day 25 here

Two weeks today

Ah, got it.

Congrats on both of those achievements @jackspider I would absolutely go insane with my vape rn lol

10:14 PM

Nice job on two weeks @Joel how you feeling lately?

10:14 PM

Good to see you again @WiseEpicurus[Brian] !

Great. I actually feel great. I started a new job so I’m tired af from that but I feel goooood.

10:15 PM

All the withdrawal is gone and I’m ready to be clean for a long timmmmeeeee

Yea today was rough I had to put myself to sleep because I was craving so much @IssaBLR

Nice to be here. Glad r/leaves has a discord now. I'm on another recovery server that has NA meetings all the time. So its cool I can come here as well

I wake up and on my way to work I really crave weed. I always high while driving and I always was stoned at work.

@jackspider Good strategy. If you get cravings at night, shorten the night. Even if it means becoming a morning person (shudder)

I guess we are a MA / NA / recovery server

10:17 PM

I never thought of it like that

I go to MA in person. Got a sponsor. With the virus going on, I go to MA zoom meetings

Yeah that first couple of weeks is a doozy, once you're in the two week range I feel like most physical withdraws are gone then the rest is mental

But there's some good voice NA meetings on discord

What do you guys do when you really crave weed? How do you power through the feeling?

MA has chats, but to my knowledge they're not on discord. AA has a terrific Discord server that I took a lot of inspiration from. They're great for people who want 12-step

Talking to someone in recovery really helps. I've made friends in recovery and they help keep my sober. Along with my MA sponsor

I'll try to meditate or listen to loud music. Anything to clear those thoughts and take my mind off them. Or I'll walk it off @Joel

Hey Sub, would you mind sending me an invite to that server in a DM if you get the chance? I'd be interested

@Joel The gold standard strategy is to try to avoid them as much as possible. Really plan ahead, think through when you're likely to get them, and make up strategies to keep your mind occupied during those times.

@WiseEpicurus[Brian] that's a good idea, to talk to people in recovery too. I feel like they can really guide you in a good direction

I don’t feel like it’s something that I can try fo avoid. I’ll just be driving and I’ll want to smoke, or I’ll wake up and be like damn. I could use a bong rip. Of course I don’t. But I just crave it

10:22 PM

I just don’t smoke. even if I really want it. I guess that’s my strategy. Just do(nt) it!

@WiseEpicurus[Brian] Sure...

Making bonds with people in recovery is a big part of my own. Its all about creating a new lifestyle. Talking to people dedicated to living a sober lifestyle all the time makes me want to continue making positive changes in my life

My body was really sick of it so I don't get that many cravings for weed.

10:23 PM

For now at least

@Joel Another important thing is to remember that they are always temporary. Some studies say 15 minutes. So if you can hang on and keep yourself busy they will fade

@Joel el very good strategy. Along with sub says, figure out when your cravings would be strongest and have something ready to go to replace the dopamine fix. (edited)

@Joel Do you have access to a stash?

Nope. Took all my weed stuff and gave it to my friend and told them to let me have it

@WiseEpicurus[Brian] we were talking about that earlier, it's like once you meet people outside of your stoner circle the positive opportunities start flowing in.

It's the 4th time I try to quit. I usually relapse start to crave very badly after 2 months

Thanks guys. I’ma go drive now. Talk to y’all later

@Joel Remember to take it one day at a time. Wake up in the morning and promise yourself you won't smoke. If the cravings get bad you can always smoke, but it has to be tomorrow. Then tomorrow promise yourself the same thing. Have a good drive!

@Joel have a good one and talk to you later!

@IssaBLR for me, I was a pretty isolative stoner, ha. The people that enabled my pot addiction were mostly my family. I really need sober friends and to take some distance from my family to get better. Boundaries with active addicts are really important to me. Most of my family are addicts

That's a really good time Subduction

10:27 PM

tip*

@jackspider People think "one day at a time" is just like "take it easy" or something, but it's a real strategy to get through this in small, manageable chunks.

Anyone else from wales by any slim chance?

@WiseEpicurus[Brian] that does suck some of the people close to you are enablers. But at least by you getting help you maybe able to help them one day too if they ever seek the help that is.

@Deleted User If we had three banjo players on Monday we can certainly have more than one person in Wales. We defy odds. That's our thing.

Nice!

@here Just a reminder, if you're lurking we'd love to meet you. Just jump in and say hello...

That really was destiny waiting to happen @Moderator -- Subduction lmao

1

It's 10:30pm, and i can't deal with the Dissociation, Derealisation, The constant never ending anxiety and panic and feelings of fragaility, my mind isn't better not having weed i feel. I'm trying to not cave in as im so close to 2 weeks, 2 weeks is when i wake up tomorrow but i can't deal with these 2 major horrible feelings constantly, it's been 14 days and i have 0 improvement other than being able to finally eat something again, waking up at 9am religiously but not sleeping until 4am. Don't feel tired even if i wake up at 7 or 8am. What do i do, how do i feel better when i can't even feel any thing when my son say's he loves me, the worse part is it's not even my choice i got given an ultimatum that's what lead to this streak, either quit or lose my girlfriend and with these feelings that have not relented after 14 full days not even for a minute, not even a moment of feeling "ok" no Euphoria waking up for 5 minutes that i made it another day. Fuck guys, ill probably break and i feel it's unavoidable.

@Enzo There's nothing inevitable in what we do, and it's not breaking. You make a choice to do what you do. You're not holding back a dam, you make decisions about what to do next, and if you don't feel good then it's fine to say "I don't want to have another day that felt like the last one. Allow yourself that.

I get no enjoyment from anything, No game can make me feel okay or pass the time better, no movie, or series, Today i rage quit with my friends playing games because the anger from being killed was taking me to like smashing my mouse and keyboard, i rage quit wow because my group died and i legit feel like i never wanna play that again and maybe ill feel different in the morning but man

10:36 PM

I can't even have that, i got given an ultimatum that's why im on this streak, either quit or my girlfriend moves out, at this point i would rather she fucks off so i can smoke myself to bliss

Have you tried exercising @Enzo ?

@Enzo But it's important to remember that what you're feeling right now isn't real life. You have a disease called withrawal, and it's making you feel terrible.

Yeh, it's difficult in lockdown but i being running on the exercise bike for the past few days not since day 1 though, i been having a lot more baths too to try and just feel calm and warm and soothed etc

10:37 PM

tbh the baths have made her happier and hornier as i don't stink of weed lol

@Enzo On top of that, you have an addiction that is trying to pull every trick in the book to get you to smoke again, no matter how much it hurts you or your family.

Dont do it @Enzo I've been where you're at. Dont let the weed beat you, It's a moment right now you're feeling like this I promise you, i had the same feeling of not connecting to anything when I get wrapped up in my head. I had breakdown after breakdown until I realized why I was losing to the dumb plant. (edited)

I understand that what i feel right now is probably just an extremely intense craving that will die out, but it might last another 6 hours before i feel a bit calmer, and then tomorrow i might have a craving that lasts for 12 hours, but my god people the dissociation and derealisation on top just take it to a whole other level

10:39 PM

from waking to sleeping, it's just horrendous

@Enzo AA has a saying that's "don't look up, don't look down." Don't think about how far you have come, don't think about how far you have to go or how long you have to "hold out." Just work on staying quit today. Or this afternoon, or this hour.

I understand man, I abused the hell out of a pillow when I was in my worst states by punching it over and over again. Just so I could feel something.

@Enzo What are you doing to replace your smoking?

Another weird one, i just seem to be going to a dark room and crying, 28 year old man just sobbing into his dressing gown, I'm trying to pass assignments and work on practicing my coding and doing that for a few hours a day so when its night time and i play games i don't feel shitty for doing nothing all day like i did with weed With weed it was Ill smoke now > Study > Play games, the study was to make me not feel shitty for smoking or playing games, but you all know how that went 9am in the morning roll a spliff, smoke it and then smoke into oblivion all day and then because i didn't "Study" i didn't play games. Kind of a blessing in disguise to be honest, i never really played any game at all except grinding on wow when high, so i don't really associate gaming with weed, just doing mind numbing stuff like grinding on classic lol as it was easy as piss to sit there for 6 hours and grind on wow while high

10:44 PM

Covid has cancelled my exams, so all i need to do is pass assignments and i pass year 2, which is a blessing in disguise as the physical exam made up 40% of my mark and i definitely didn't have time to quit weed and prepare for that, when it was due to be sat in June, but the other problem is my marks need to be really high to pass, as i have scores of 17% this year

10:44 PM

already failed year 2 once also btw

10:44 PM

3 year course will take me 4, if i pass this year, cos i failed year 2 once

I completly lost interest in gaming once sober

@Enzo The other thing to consider is that I was going through similar feeling when I was in rehab, and they gave me mood support in addition to addiction counseling. In my case it was meds plus treatment. When I stabilized I went off the meds and was fine. Worth talking to your doctor if these feelings persist.

I honestly think it's time for me to ring the doctor if anything just to get something to help with the dissociation and stuff. Maybe some sleepers too

@Enzo The thing that determines if it's time is you deciding it's time. So it sounds like it's time.

I also lost interest in IT and did a career switch. Very thankful to sobriety for opening my eyes to that.

@Enzo No shame in crying either, I'm 24 and haven't cried since I was 15 and I've done it 4 times last week. I've cried my fair share thinking all of this was unfair and why should I punish myself for nothing. You said you liked to do mind numbing activities and I did the same thing. Anything where I could just forget about my stresses and not really focus at all. I feel like all the emotions bubbling up are all the feelings I lost during all these times coming back up.

Yeh I didnt cry when my sister died in December, or my aunt last june, or my dog 2 years ago, or when my son was born I haven't cried in a really, really long time, until the last few weeks

10:49 PM

I say sister, not by blood but I had known her since I was 3, she drowned in the bath, alcoholism

@Enzo Yeah, it's hard for everyday emotions to compete with weed.

10:50 PM

@Enzo Sorry, that's very tough. I lost both my sister and my Mom in the last six years.

@Enzo im very sorry to hear that man I was in the same boat when I lost my brother a few years ago. He died in the middle of the night when he couldn't get his inhaler in time. I didnt cry then because I had weed, I just felt anger and buried it down. it's not bad to have these emotions. It means your human.

I made a post six years ago when my sister died about why I was grateful to have been sober through it. Not a light read, but in case you want to see it: https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/1dv0vq/my_sister_died_last_wednesday_after_a_battle_with/

r/leaves - My sister died last Wednesday after a battle with a brai...

85 votes and 17 comments so far on Reddit

I'll have to read @Moderator -- Subduction I'm sorry you had to go through losing a sibling and I'm amazed at your strength to go through it sober.

It's hard, but you're able to be there both for yourself and for them.

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

Not the most carnival ending to todays session, but we'll be wrapping up in five minutes!

I dont feel anything because of dissociation and stuff but at the same time I'm randomly crying wtf is up with that too lol

That's exactly what I missed, I still feel like an ass because I was so stuck in my own head and high that I didnt realize others were feeling the same pain.

@Enzo You just pulled the rug out from under your whole personality, give it a chance.

I also cheated on my first 10 sober days by taking some helping tablets but I feel they have done more harm than good, and prolonged the dissociation and the intense cravings

Yes exactly what sub said @Enzo you're finally meeting you for the first time in a long while!

I know from personal experience that meeting me can be annoying at first.

Lmaoo I'm figuring that about myself, maybe I'm not the most loving guy apparently. But I'm me and I'm feeling happy about that!

How long have you been off the thc @Moderator -- Subduction?

@Enzo I wouldn't beat myself up about that either I just took some sleeping tablets for the first time last night and did get drunk my first week of not smoking.

@jackspider 21 years now. Believe me, if you give yourself time and you make it a priority you get a whole lot better.

wow congrats !

Down to one minute folks. this was such a great session, thank you all so much for coming!

Good evening everyone and stay strong! I believe in us!

We'll be back tomorrow at 11am Eastern time (UTC-4)

thanks for being here everyone

Thanks everyone :)

11:01 PM

I'll update tomorrow

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 11am Eastern Time (UTC-4) tomorrow!

▶️ Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting. ⭐ See you soon! ⭐

r/leaves

That channel is already locked.

11:14 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 11:00 am Eastern Time (UTC-4) tomorrow!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

4:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

4:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Good morning everybody! Very happy to see so many people here!

4:01 PM

If you're new here (and this has only been open a week, so we're all new here) just jump in and say hello. Tell us a little bit about how your quit is going -- we're looking forward to meeting you!

4:02 PM

I'll go first -- I'm Subduction, and I've been at this awhile. I was a ten-year every day smoker, and now I have 21 years quit.

4:03 PM

One second -- we seem to be having a problem...

4:04 PM

How's this, can someon type so we know we're here?

wooooo

Good morning all

it works now

Afternoon everyone, hope you’re all doing well

4:04 PM

whats up

hi @Gorgoleon and @Deleted User @Moderator -- Subduction goood morningz!!

Yay! Thanks for the heads up Gorgoleon. Our bot has ben wacky...

or afternoon for @Deleted User !

Hey career girl!

Morning all!

and @Lauren !!!

good morning guys!

i'm in a meeting but just wanted to pop in to say hi!!

Hey Lauren!

hey Ham Mouse! so great to see familiar and new faces every day ❤️

I'm Gorgoleon, have been a Leaver and loyal janitor for @Moderator -- Subduction for about 4 years now with a little over a year streak

aw I love that!

Nice one gorg!

lol -- @Gorgoleon is a janitor like Matt Damon was a janitor in Good Will Hunting.

Morning everyone I'm glad to see you all back! I've smoked for 10 years and I'm now 17 days sober and counting.

I'm on day 5!! going strong. Not sleeping, had sleep paralysis last night with visuals but I think that's mostly related to stress

spent all morning writing about my dreams

hha I wish

That was funny @Gorgoleon you earned a chuckle from me.

@IssaBLR @~*ALiCiA*~ Glad to hear those streaks are going up!

hey @IssaBLR !!!

@~*ALiCiA*~ Oof -- I had sleep paralysis the time I tried melatonin. Still have mental scars.

weelllll last night was the first time I took melatonin soooo I won't be doing that again!!!

3

4:08 PM

guess I figured out what NOT to do haha

@~*ALiCiA*~ it really is traumatizing. I had one when I was smoking and it was the worst, like I was waking up to the same nightmare over and over again and I could do nothing about it

@IssaBLR YES!!

@~*ALiCiA*~ The intense dreams can be difficult to deal with for sure

Yeah my dreams this week have been so intense

4:09 PM

That’s one thing I notice is I dream for longer now than I have in years

any common themes that you all have in your dreams?

@here If you're lurking, the protocol is to just jump in and say hi.

To those that had it was it like a demon that showed up?

yeah @Deleted User the length is wild to me

They’re quite negative my dreams I feel and sometimes I dream of lighting up and smoking a bowl

@~*ALiCiA*~ someone dying. often me xd

Oh goodness I was lurking by accident. Hi all

omg @jackspider !! I'm always so close to death in mine but damn

4:10 PM

also @jackspider Hi!!

Yes dying is a common occurrence in my dreams.

The sweats are the thing that bothers me most about coming off it but by no means is it enough to get me back into that vile habit

What's up @Katelyn how are you doing today?

I have a recurring theme of walking across shitty drawstring bridges. One was between to oil drilling platforms in the ocean, and the other was between two skyscrapers. I've got a fear of heights to boot, so yeah that's a thing lol

hello @Katelyn !!!

I am ok

falling, dying. Trying to punch but no power

4:11 PM

Yeah first two nights off I dreamt of driving off a bridge into water for some odd reason

Which is better than normal haha

@Gorgoleon wow those are some intense locations

Well that's good to hear then, how far along are you on your journey? @Katelyn

Yeah have had the oil drilling platform dream a few times now too, weird af especially considering I'm from the midwest lol

I still have dreams about lighting up. Usually I smoke without thinking and then realize I have a work meeting or family reunion or something. That's after 21 years. I think once smoking becomes part of us it's just part of us.

@Deleted User how long have you been practicing sobriety for again?

I’m the same sub, almost like my brain even tests my willpower in my dreams haha

@Gorgoleon I was going to ask like, is there any symbolism with the oil rigs??

@~*ALiCiA*~ I’m clean 9 days today x

haha

I am stumbling hard but I went from smoking like 6x a day to barely once every 2 days.

@Deleted User hell yeah!!!

Thank you!

longest Ive gone totally without was 4 days last week

I could imagine that would give you massive anxiety when you wake up @Moderator -- Subduction

I have horrible horrible dreams

@Katelyn hey that's great though!

@Katelyn Congrats on the progress, changing habits can def be very difficult

I feel as if my dreams now are so intense I could write down a lot of what happened during

sounds like you're showing yourself some grace

@IssaBLR It's actually more of a relief, because I suddenly realize it wasn't real and I'm still good.

Hey all

@Deleted User that's what I've been doing in the mornings... it's honestly helped me process them and pick out meaning related to my real life

Hey @anonymous ! Hope you’re doing well

hey @anonymous !!!!

4:13 PM

welcome!

Hey @anonymous !

I was a daily smoker for about 6 years, been clean for 80 days or so now

I should rephrase, longest i've gone without in recent history was 4 days. SUbduction knows I didn;t have weed and I told him I wasn't going to smoke resin but I apparently hate myself more than I thought.

This is my first time on here

hello @M1NDFEEDER !!!

Might sound odd but my dreams are a lot brighter and vivid from any time I can remember

how are you feeling today? whats your story

@anonymous 80 days is great.

@Deleted User that checks out

You're making baby steps! Before I got into my longest streak I had to trickle down to once or twice a week. @Katelyn

@anonymous wow!! that's amazing!

80 days off? That’s absolutely incredible mate

Thanks guys

I can do better. I can always do better. Nice to see so many people in here

@anonymous How are so feeling so far?

Hey @anonymous and @M1NDFEEDER I'm happy you guys made it!

You give people like me hope who are on day 9

I feel so much better about myself now. I almost relapsed the other day but I stuck it out.

Same for subduction with his sobriety

4:15 PM

/ her

4:15 PM

Apologies if I got it wrong

@anonymous oh gosh nice work!!

True I misgender the hell out of people by accident. Sorry in advance...

I'm day 70 nearly 71 and that's it really

‍♀️ a bit stuck for words lately hmmm

Ahh 70 days that is awesome

That’s superb mindfeeder

4:16 PM

Should be so proud of yourself

I didn't really have any physical withdrawal. The hardest part was limiting how often I saw friends who were negative influences.

Ah that hits home with me

wow @M1NDFEEDER thats incredible! How long have you been smoking for?

Made me realise for one who I was only hanging out with for weed and who I was hanging out with because I enjoyed it (edited)

@anonymous that's so rough

5 years daily and heavily off and on for 20

I am lucky in that I am everyone else's bad influence

ooooh @Deleted User those surface level relationships are so real... I had years of friendships like that only for the sole purpose of drugs and when I was no longer high, I saw them for what they were.

Couldn’t agree more

@anonymous It was the opposite for me. All my friends were postitive influences on me, and in order to pursue my habit I had to isolate from them. The old me was the person I needed to get away from. Crazy how we all come at it from different angles.

Yeah it's sad to think about all the time I wasted in these relationships that only hurt me

4:18 PM

@Moderator -- Subduction There are some people in my life that I feel that way about and I really regret not being there for them just so I could smoke.

It’s good to be able to look back and accept your flaws rather than continuing with them, proud of all of you

@Katelyn I'm with you there, I'm honestly the bad influence in the group. I used to be the supplier in high school and recent years and I'm the one who got everyone hooked.

Years ago I had a dealer who would make house calls and take my food pantry groceries instead of cash. I thought he was a good friend but I am not so sure these days...

Everyone in here is so nice and accepting

there really is a specific feeling or rush I get from logging on here and being able to say I made it another day... like that's the kind of high I want to enjoy.

Nice

This ^

Be proud this is a annoying process.

Ringing my parents up and saying I’m on day 9 or whatever too and having them proud is the best feeling in the world

@Katelyn it's crazy what kind of perspective you gain on people and others when not inundated with substances

@Katelyn wow glad you're not around someone like that anymore

@Deleted User hell yeah!!

It seemed like such a good deal at the time lol.

It’s a marathon and a half this is but once you beat the “I need to smoke weed” feeling, it only gets better

@anonymous Yeah, everybody, family and friends, were shocked when I checked myself into rehab. I had to ask them, "think back, when was the last time you got me on the phone at night?" I put smoking before them all. But quitting is a great time to rediscover the people who love you and really care about you.

@IssaBLR omg I've totally been the bad influence.... I brought all the drugs into my friend group. every.... single... one...

Couldn’t say it better myself subduction (edited)

and now, I'm the sober one... luckily it didn't do too much damage

That is true @Moderator -- Subduction and I look forward to spending a lot more time with my friends and family now

which is like the first time I'm actually realizing that i think....

Even when we feel the most alone, there are people out in the world who are ready to root for our success if we let them.

Does anyone else have the experience that they laugh more after a few days of not having imbibed? That is something that surprises me.

drugs have always been a social thing for me, a way to get me out of myself... I'm only now building a real relationship with myself.

@Deleted User that is awesome that you're parents are proud! I've never ever told my dad I smoked in the first place but I can sense he figured when I roll over to his place with glazed eyes. Like all of you guys I'm ready to get back into the real world and make good positive connections.

@Katelyn thought I was the only one

4:24 PM

@IssaBLR unfortunately mine got to the point where they’d even pay to help me feel “better” about myself which I’d spend all on weed

4:24 PM

They’re so thankful I feel better off of it now without having to rinse my own family to fund my addiction

@Deleted User I get these loud belly laughs at everything. They replace my inner "that was funny" monologue

Yes I do laugh more. Weed was at a point where it was making me so serious and anxious

@~*ALiCiA*~ one of my best friends as a child is the one who first showed me weed. I feel so sad every day when they call me and I hear them hitting a bong in the background. It's had such a negative effect on their life long term and seeing that is part of why I decided it was time to quit. I wish they could hear how they sound when they try to rationalize it.

I find movies now funnier and don’t have to “smoke” to find things watchable

@jackspider oh gosh I can so relate to that

@~*ALiCiA*~ yes I can get that! It's like I'm making a friend with myself and getting to know me finally. And along with @Katelyn was saying I'm feeling more content with being me and all my weird quirks.

4:25 PM

It makes me smile how silly I can get without being high lol

@jackspider same mate, the feeling of paranoia that a neighbour or a police officer was going to storm in and ruin my life was a daily worry of mine

My personality is just to be uncomfortable, generally, but at least it;s more funny sober I guess

4:25 PM

Brains are weird huh?

I suffer with bi polar unfortunately and genuinely thought weed was this forbidden fruit I’d finally discovered that would help me but it made everything worse

@Deleted User that would be a pain, my mom and stepdad would get me supplies in hs so I would be calm and not be rambunctious. But in the end it got me mixed up with worse stuff and in rehab.

Took me to come off it to realise how bad it actually was for my mood swings

@anonymous

I feel the same way about my best childhood friend. I showed her weed, I bought her her first pipe and accessories, and her and her man just sit on the couch all day smoking... she hasn't made any progress in her life (in my judgemental eyes) in years... I don't take responsibility for her life but I know I've contributed to in negative ways

If rehab were available where I am I’d have gone to it but I live in quite a deprived area of wales where there’s very little available like that

Hi don't want to interrupt, but I made it to day 2 and it's nice to listen to you all.

@ssciolist Proud of you mate!! Welcome to the community (edited)

@ssciolist YEEEESSS YOU DID!!!!

@~*ALiCiA*~ You could just be the first person of your crew to get off the shit. If you influenced them to start using weed and other stuff, you might be able to influence them the other day. Don't push them to quit, but have a cookout or go hiking or something.

The friend who showed me weed got into heroin later in life and has been on methadone for 8+ years. I am grateful that we parted ways when we did but I can never get over how innocently that started.

That's what's up @ssciolist I knew you could do it!!

@ssciolist First few days are always the hardest so if you ever need us, we’re here for you

prynhawn da

@ssciolist Great job! Every day is another one to be proud of!

Oh my god

I guess I am also grateful because this really could be so much worse.

@ssciolist Glad to have you here!

@Gorgoleon totally tried to lead by example and have been vulnerable about my recovery the whole time. Feel its the only way I can contribute in a positive way when it comes to how I influenced them via drugs

Prynhawn da i ti hefyd!

Worked with a Welsh guy

*trying

I was the person who introduced my brother and cousin to weed. I really hope that if I can make a change, it will help them follow. They both recognize some of the bad effects, but aren't willing to part ways.

@~*ALiCiA*~ You can't blame yourself fully for what they have decided to do. All we can do is be there for our friends and try to help them the best we can.

I also know "d*ck head" but

@anonymous yes yes absolutely ❤️

Hahaha I’m glad you picked up on the most important parts

⭐ @here: Okay, new server tradition. Halfway through each session I'll encourage anyone watching to say hi. We're all new friends here, let us know how your quit is going!

@ssciolist I showed it to my brother and don't think i'll ever forgive myself

I do appreciate the pings by the way, sometimes I don’t realise this is unlocked when it is so thank you

@anonymous Yeah I smoked before my little brother did and he is hooked out of control

4:30 PM

I hate it so much

My brother has taken it to an almost dangerous extreme

4:31 PM

I could say so much

I’ve got a few friends who tell me they want to quit and are going to then ignore me for days as they’ve relapsed and don’t want to tell me, it’s a shame

My entire family was depressed for months because of some of the stuff that happened

Yes! I have been pretty functional (I think, maybe that's my ego), but my brother has made choices to not do things because it would impair his ability to smoke

I also try to recognize that everyone has their own individual relationship with marijuana and it's not always my place to judge wether it's unhealthy for them. It's unhealthy for ME and has been detrimental to MY success.

@anonymous mine too...he smoked all day every day, at work, at home, first thing in the morning ,all night, before family events, while driving around, etc.

I want it almost more for him than for me.

@~*ALiCiA*~ well said

I may have made an influence on their use but it is not my relationship or cross to bare

@~*ALiCiA*~ You're right that's ultimately how we have to live

Agreed, I only ever help anyone who comes to me for help, I’d never dictate to people whether they should smoke or not

My brother actually ordered a fake penis on the internet to pass a drug test...it cost 60 bucks. Like, you can;t stop smoking for a month to make more money?

@Katelyn mine would pass out in his car from smoking like a gram of dabs a day

Weed for a lot of people is fine and non habit forming, for me unfortunately it certainly was

Ughhh if you saw my brothers car lol. Are we related?

one time my parents were at the grocery and saw his car there. They found him passed out and it broke my parents heart.

@Deleted User yep

Holy shit

@anonymous sorry to hear that buddy (edited)

@Katelyn Hopefully we see your bro here someday, he sounds a lot like I used to be lol

@Katelyn we might be the same person

4:34 PM

It was a rough period for awhile there. I quit for awhile because I hated what thc had done to him, but I started back up after a family member passed away.

As sucky as it might sound I wouldn't beat yourselves up about being the introduction to the drug. I was introduced to it by a 40 year old guy when I was 14, I've made the choice to do it. He didnt shove it down my throat like you probably didnt with your friends and family. He told me it would help with anxieties and I believed him. I dont blame him because I got hooked because I didnt smoke with him the hundreds of other times I got high. We all make our own choices in the end

My family is like "at least it's not pills!"

@Deleted User thanks I appreciate it

@IssaBLR so true!!! like I was introduced to it by like a 10th grader when I was in 11th grade lmao

Trying to explain that weed makes you depressed is hard too. Once you are past the point of diminishing returns it;s just over and you are maintaining like you would with any other drug.

it was bound to happen

4:36 PM

it's everywhere and also legal in a lot of places!!!

4:36 PM

same goes for alcohol!

@Katelyn yeah that's the hardest part to accept

Telling people too you had an addition to is hard when you’re told constantly it’s not addictive (edited)

@anonymous for me and for anyone I talk to about it lol

@Deleted User people have a really inflated idea of addiction

Weed is all about enjoying life, but life isn't all about weed. My life was definitely all about some weed for years.

and what that looks like

Exactly careergirl

@Gorgoleon ooh yes!!!

Well said Gorg too

@Katelyn exactly, after a point you're just using it to feel normal again and like @Deleted User said it's so easy to rationalize it because everyone says it's not addictive

Weed turned legal here when I had to call it quits. I always wonder how different it would've been to my mental health if I didn't have to hide all those years

@anonymous right? It's just so available these days and everyone is so pro weed, they tend to look past the negative aspects of it psychologically for some of us.

I remember in that dave chappelle movie half baked there's that scene where they boo him off the stage at the AA meeting

Weird to say but I wonder if I’d be here in this chat now if it wasn’t for lockdown

I had a convo with my SO about it and he brought up that line from Half Baked about sucking dick for weed and I was like "dude, shut up" lol. That what everyone thinks. I know plenty of people who never went that far and it;s a dangerous bar to set for whetehr or not somthign is addictive.

@jackspider interesting! how long have you been sober?

The definition of addiction we use at r/leaves is the one used by most medical professionals, "continued use despite negative consequences." You just have to want to stop because bad things are happening, and not be able to stop. That's it.

@Deleted User I wouldn't be here, I would be in an office! The virus is weirdly good for these types of transitions

@IssaBLR yeah everything from the entertainment we consume to the people around us, it's all pro weed and it's basically implanted in our minds at this point that's it's not harmful

@jackspider that's a good point you made there. If it was more acceptable like alcohol growing up I feel like half of my anxieties while smoking would've been gone. (edited)

@Deleted User I know I wouldnt be

@Katelyn every cloud eh mate

8 days now but I was able to do 10 weeks 3 different times and 2 weeks twice in the past 2 years

@Katelyn agreed!!! its stressful as hell but we're doing our best

@jackspider superb effort

@Deleted User Yup. I can see how it's harder for people who are already established but I need this time to slip and fall before getting on my feet

@jackspider ah that's right

4:39 PM

not an easy feat!

@Katelyn same, it took me to have absolutely no money and no way of getting it for me to finally kick this habit

What knocked you off at 10 weeks @jackspider that's where I am now..?

@Katelyn i cannot imagine having to go through withdrawals and working in the office

4:40 PM

I'd lose it!!!

@Katelyn that scene has always stuck with me lol. Everyone has a different low point. For some it's prostituting yourself out for another hit and for others it's missing out on the life going on around you

@jackspider It's worth looking that exact circumstances that caused you to return to smoking after those long breaks. People, place, your state of mind. It will help you avoid it in the future...

@~*ALiCiA*~ losing sleep is what kills it the most for me. At home I can be sleepy all morning

The urges come back. Nothing changes in my life so I was thinking hey maybe weed isn't the problem. But this time I'm creating new habits and stuff

@Katelyn Literally one of the best parts of being a dealer. There'll be people down to exchange favors.

@anonymous so true, that's what beautiful about an AA program is the range of stories and people that come through

@jackspider Yeah, I get that way at a month. "I could probably handle this in moderation now" ... never been true

@~*ALiCiA*~ it really is, i've considered looking up online meetings before

But I'm also struggling with the white liquor. Not that I was a real addict but I've used weed to stop those urges so it's a bit of a mess

@anonymous I'm in program for other things and the online meetings are rough for me... it's so chaotic and not as streamlined as in person meetings but they really do make a difference and keep you accountable

talking about the withdrawals, I remember in college there was a period where I had no way to get any weed. For about two weeks I would throw up first thing in the morning after sleeping probably 10 minutes the night before. Such an awful experience, yet all I could think about was how I could get high.

@anonymous Have you seen AA's Discord server? They do structured meetings as well as chat, which we may do as well at some point. It was a big help for me in getting this set up.

I had a bad week 9, maybe week 10 will be kinder for me

‍♀️

I haven't seen the discord or really looked into anything

4:43 PM

Could you all send me a link?

@M1NDFEEDER what was rough about week 9 if you don't mind me asking?

4:44 PM

was it anything in particular?

@M1NDFEEDER that's a good way to look at it, do you know why your week 9 was bad? Maybe it will help out for a better week 10!

@anonymous Sent you an invite -- they have 1 speaker structured meetings on a schedule that they link to on a web page.

Lol same question

@anonymous Easier than the raging river chat can be.

@Moderator -- Subduction thanks so much i'll check it out!

Oh I decided to delete reddit so I wouldn't feel bad and have a relapse. Just got it in my head it's what I wanted

4:45 PM

I didn't but I seriously thought about it

what about reddit was making you feel bad @M1NDFEEDER

Ayy what's good

Hey @Phaxxy , welcome!

Today is good my friend @Phaxxy how you doing?

Reddit wasn't. It was the fact I'd been posting through my entire recovery "keep going everyone" blah blah blah and then wanted to relapse. Guilt and feeling hypocritical really. All in my head

@Moderator -- Subduction @IssaBLR Thanks guys. I'm doing fantastic

hey @Phaxxy happy you joined!!!

@~*ALiCiA*~ yer

@Phaxxy good to see you, how's it going?

@M1NDFEEDER I can understand that, like just delete it - remove the guilt! get it out of my face!

@Phaxxy hey man hope you’re well

@M1NDFEEDER I have felt that way so many times when I would quit in the past

Thank you for making this by the way @Moderator -- Subduction

Going pretty smooth. been doing some schoolwork and playing minecraft lol. how are you @Deleted User @anonymous @IssaBLR

@Phaxxy That sounds good, about to pop to Asda to pick up some things

4:49 PM

Amazing how much more money I have for food now lol

@Phaxxy I'm doing pretty good just drinking some coffee and playing runescape haha

be safe homie @Deleted User

Thanks mate, all the best

@Deleted User The money saved is insane lol. I don't even wanna think about how much I threw away in the past.

@M1NDFEEDER that's awesome you were actually posting about your recovery, I would be proud that you got through those bad thoughts.

@anonymous hell yeah dude. love me some coffee in the morning. have you tried yoga and meditation as well? Really good ways to wake the body up

Have a good one @Deleted User!

❤️❤️❤️

@anonymous I tried to quantify my cocaine habit years ago and I couldn't continue because I just cried... The marijuana habit? I don't even want to start.

4:51 PM

@Phaxxy I just started engaging with yoga and meditation a few months ago it's done wonders!!!!

4:51 PM

bye @Deleted User !!!!!

I'm doing alright though @Phaxxy hanging out with my daughter while she plays animal crossing. I love meditating though, it's a very good way to ground yourself.

@Phaxxy I've done some meditation in the past and it's helped immensely. A little bit before I quit I was having the worst anxiety attacks and meditation helped a lot.

yeah yoga is pimp af.

4:52 PM

what kinda meditation do you guys like to do?

@~*ALiCiA*~ At least we can move forward now. Money is only temporary even if it does sting to think about it.

anyone read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?

Still a work in progress @IssaBLR

‍♀️

@~*ALiCiA*~ great book

I am dipping out everyone-- nice talking to you and DON'T DO DRUGS TOTAY!

@anonymous very true!!

4:52 PM

ahaha byeeeee @Katelyn !!!!

4:52 PM

see ya soon

@Katelyn see ya, have a great day!

Good to see you @Katelyn !

it's been super influential for me @Phaxxy

Journaling has been a big part of my quit. 7 Habits of Highly Successful People has a good guide to planning out your goals

@Phaxxy I try to practice mindfulness

+1 for journaling. Spotify has a decent guided meditation playlist too.

@Gorgoleon oooh yes - I need to actually read that one. I've listend to so many podcasts surrounding the book but never read it. I feel like it's a classic

@Katelyn peace brother have a good one!

@ssciolist oooh good to know!

If anyone hasn't tried meditation and would like to give it a shot, I made a post awhile back on how to get started. https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/85u18y/some_notes_and_encouragement_on_meditation_from/

r/leaves - Some notes and encouragement on meditation from someone ...

3,943 votes and 323 comments so far on Reddit

@~*ALiCiA*~ Yeah lots of people consider it a classic lol

@~*ALiCiA*~ thats sick. i went to a program not too long ago (not drug related) and our form of entertainment was books haha

4:54 PM

@anonymous word dude. that's a tough one but it's super gratifying

@Phaxxy any others you'd reccommend? I've been reading a ton during this quarantine

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

@~*ALiCiA*~ do you like stories or self help books?

mainly self help - non fiction but anecdotal experience I like too

@~*ALiCiA*~ -- I'm impressed how much reading you and others are doing -- I feel like I've barely got concentration back

Five minute warning folks! We'll be wrappng up at noon, but we'll be back at 5pm US Eastern Time, UTC-4

@~*ALiCiA*~ power of habit is really good, designing your life is really good, also the depression cure is really good but its a tough read

@ssciolist I force myself to do it... I seriously haven't read books in years. Just trying to fill the time with soemthing better

Ok, good moment for me to sign off. Thank you all for your time.

Has anyone read heroin diaries ?

@ssciolist later homie

@ssciolist right? I'm with you there, I've downloaded libby yesterday and managed to make it to chapter two on a book.

Good to see you @ssciolist !

ooh power of habit I have saved... designing your life sounds cool! I'll look into it!

@ssciolist have a good one and and talk to you later!

bye @ssciolist !!! see ya soon

@ssciolist bye have a good rest of the day!

@jackspider no I haven't!

@jackspider I've heard of it but haven't read it

looking it up now

@~*ALiCiA*~ i know you said help help books but if you haven't read the alchemist already, it's a classic dude. it's one of those books you read more than once

I'm reading Memoir of an Addicted Brain currently which I've mentioned here before

I wouldn't recommend it. reading about a rock star partying wasn't good for me

they say when you read a book for the second time, it's not something in the book you see that you missed but something in yourself you see you missed

ooooooh yes yes !!!!

4:58 PM

Adding that to my life now - this keeps being recccomended to me haha

Love the Alchemist, hell yeah

wow! love that @Phaxxy

not my words haha

Alright i've got a nice little list of stuff here to read now lol

yeah thanks yall!

make your bed is a short read that's really good

Everyone have a great day and I'll see you guys later! I really have to give that reading thing a try lol

Later!

Okay all, closing the gates for now. Hope to see you all at 5pm EDT!

Thank you all for chatting, it's been a lot of fun and really helped me out!

love you guys cya

Closing...

5:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

5:00 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern Time (UTC-4) today!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

10:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

10:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Hey everybody! the number of people here gets bigger every session!

What up what up man

Here's the protocol -- chat like this can sometimes feel like a fast river, but just jump in and say hello! Everyone here is new, but already friends are being made, and we want to meet you!

10:02 PM

Hey @Deleted User !

this is Iron Mike, 32 days sober today. How y'all doing.

Hey everyone!

Greetings from Denmark everybody

thought the server didnt open for another houre

What's up everyone, I'm 17 days clean today after 10 years of smoking. How's your day been @Moderator -- Subduction

10 years straight? @IssaBLR

oh heyyyyy!!! 5 days going strong!

Hey @IssaBLR ! It's been good so far. Trying to get bots and scheduling apps to run properly for leaves and the discord, so a bit of a frustrating tech day, but they always fight back some.

2 days here haha

how's your withdrawals been so far @~*ALiCiA*~

@Maxwell Every day, 5pm EDT (UTC-4)

gotchaaa

bad in the mornings but better throughout the day. Last night was horrific w/ dreams and sleep paralysis caused by melatonin

10:05 PM

but we are moving along!

yeah and 11 AM

you @Deleted User ?

i also get sleep paralysis sometimes

sleep paralysis is fucking horrible man, did you see anything or did you just keep ur eyes closed? My day was pretty good thanks

You're doing great work from what I can see @Moderator -- Subduction I'm glad your day has been good though!

Thanks!

When I get sleep paralysis i never see anything i always try to stand up and i either cant or think i stood up only to be stuck in bed

I've only ever had auditory hallucinations in the past but this time was visual

10:07 PM

@Maxwell ugh the worst

10:09 PM

anyone else on that wants to introduce themselves!?!

I remember the last time I had it I "woke" up in bed and someone was breaking into my house. It was an all blacked out demon or something with white eyes and hair. I moved so slow and he kept on beating me until i died and then I would just "wake" up in bed again just to have him break in again. Truly terrifying lol

jesus christ @IssaBLR no thanks!!!

Jesus christ @IssaBLR

@here: If you're a lurker, please take the plunge and say hi, tell us a little about where you are in your quit, and how you're feeling...

How many times has this happened @IssaBLR

The worst part was the anxiety the next day I felt so off lol

i can only imagine

i see why you tried out boxing bondomatic

@Maxwell this happened actually a couple months ago when I was smoking. I used to get em real bad when I was younger. Same thing kind of but the demons or whatever used to sit on my back and i couldn't move. Like they'd mess with my hair and stuff and it drove me crazy

10:13 PM

@Deleted User lmao I dont think any type of boxing could take on those demons

holy shit man I would have a hard time falling asleep after that

What did they look like?

10:13 PM

or could you see them

Idk about Mike Tyson he's a demon himself!

That's true I think I would've been more terrified to see him in my dreams lmao

i had a nightmare that i had to get in the ring with him once lol

10:14 PM

can't quite beat those sleep paralysis nightmares but it was close

They were typically just blacked out figures, or when it wasn't visual I couldn't see them but I could hear them coming into the room and felt them watching me. Same deal though I couldn't move at all.

Day 71 here popping in to say hello again

mine looked reminiscent to the american gothic couple

10:15 PM

HIIIII @M1NDFEEDER !!

@Deleted User how'd you do in the fight? I would've been rooting for ya I always like the underdog lol

is sleepy paralysis always bad because ive never had a negative time, its just annoying to me

I charged him and then he hit me with a left hook and i woke up

How are you @M1NDFEEDER

@M1NDFEEDER what's up I'm glad to see you again!

Hey @M1NDFEEDER !

He knocked your a** awake! @Deleted User (edited)

whenever somebody is trying to kill me in a nightmare my "dreamself" always just berserk charges and then i wake up

Hi hi hi I won't tag I'm old and should probably have my glasses on I'm much better as the day is passing

How's everyone else? (edited)

Hahaha yeah I guess you could say that

@M1NDFEEDER just had a slice of blueberry pie so today is better than yesterday!

Pie does make everything better doesn't it? Although I'm partial to the savoury type

sounds fooken delicious

@M1NDFEEDER you know, I can honestly say that I've never had a savory pot pie which is wild to me

Confirmed you're not British then

hahah!

10:20 PM

got me

Mindfeeder how are you feeling off the weed for so long

10:20 PM

any effects of the weed still remaining in your system?

Do you want like a rough time line?

Sure man

So day 1 is sucky 2 slightly better 3 was similar to 2

10:21 PM

Day 4 kicked my arse

10:21 PM

Then improved a lot til about day 10

did u make a diary?

Had a bad day then just went up and up and on and on

10:21 PM

Til last week

10:22 PM

Similar to day 10 ish I'd say

10:22 PM

I made it though

10:22 PM

Well I used the Grounded app and journaled in there my cravings and feelings and such but after a few weeks I kept forgetting (edited)

ahh alright

You did though and congrats again on that @M1NDFEEDER do you feel different overall than from when you were smoking?

do you feel like some days are shit and some are good as well

10:23 PM

for no apparent reason either

@IssaBLR I feel like old me again I guess. I feel emotions again. It's not always nice but it's human right? To fucking feel. And I abused to numb stuff

10:25 PM

But @Deleted User yeah I have sucky days. I probably have depression. Or you know maybe I just don't like lockdown right?

(edited)

Yeah true, could be the lockdown that's making it more obvious

That's the hard part -- when you've been smoking for years it can be hard to remember who the "old me" was.

10:25 PM

That person may be long gone.

Up until lockdown I was really making strides in my life. I lost my job which I'd just got due to covid. That hurt but I stayed sober

10:26 PM

Yeah @Moderator -- Subduction but old me was an asshole anyways she's best off gone

I can get what you are saying there, I've talked about it before and it's like all the emotions that you tried to numb are coming back to bite you. I've never felt more human than this past week, its liberating and burdening at the same time.

lol

the other morning before I quit smoking, I woke up and made some coffee and started drinking it without having smoked first and I had this moment where I was like "damn, I'm buzzing! I feel great!" and then i realized I hadn't smoked yet and I was like, is this what sobriety feels like? and I couldn't help but laugh.

Yeah joy does return to the sober mind

10:27 PM

It's nice right? Seeing the flowers again?

10:28 PM

Smelling the air? ENJOYING life

truly!

I'll shut up now anyways

Not being half aware of my surroundings or own thoughts and feelings

10:28 PM

haha

It is and I'm ready for this corona virus to be over with, it's been sad having to deal with the repercussions of it. To experience the life I missed because I was smoking all the time!

i havent not been high since i was a kid i started at 14 years old so i havent expierenced sobriety as an adult

@M1NDFEEDER It's a more complex joy than we used to get when we first got high, but there so much more of it to be had.

maximus how old were you again

im 19

yeah we're in the same boat

ill be 20 in september

Yeah agree @Moderator -- Subduction I think we as "former" addicts have a different perspective than other people too. The "" are for me not you

Having a tough time the last couple days a few weeks in with cravings + irritability. Good reminder the path to detox isn’t totally linear, and luckily the physical symptoms aren’t popping back up.

10:32 PM

I thought I was out of the woods last week when I felt great

what kind of physical symptoms would you get? @yames

I had really bad nausea and insane belching

10:33 PM

And night sweats as well

@M1NDFEEDER It's funny how even at 21 years sober how not "former" I feel. It's fully in control, but it's right next to me waiting for me to slip up.

10:34 PM

@here This is your halfway through the session encouragement to say hello if you haven't yet. Don't wait, jump right in!

Very true but I think 21 years and 71 days are different beasts, your sobriety could purchase alcohol

@Moderator -- Subduction

lol!

youve been sover longer than ive neem alive @Moderator -- Subduction O.o

Not that its should.

No that'd be counterproductive perhaps

Evening guys, hope you’re all doing well x

Anyways I'm shushing

I get crazy smoking cravings whenever I have a drop of booze in me

You and me both antidote!

@Maxwell

You do not, however, have to get off my lawn.

One day I’ll even quit cigs too

Whats up @Deleted User

I’m good bro, how are you?

Day 2 feeling

10:36 PM

werid

@yames I had to quit drinking too. I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic or not, I can't drink a lot because it makes me pretty sick, but I know that when I drink all I want to do is smoke so it's too big a risk.

What's up @Deleted User and @yames !

Hey bond!

10:37 PM

@Maxwell first 3 days is horrible broski

Heyo @IssaBLR

Hey @Deleted User and @yames !!!

10:38 PM

welcome back !

@Moderator -- Subduction I was feeling the same way. I got drunk during my first week and the association toward smoking was too strong and felt like it could jeopardize my sobriety from weed.

@Moderator -- Subduction Yeah luckily alcohol disagrees with my tummy enough that I only do it socially, when it feels worth the trade off. So right now in this wildly unsocial time I’m cruising totally sober save for caffeine

Anything that lowers your resolve and inhibition is a risk!

I’m actually finding it easier while in quarantine than I antiticpate once things open back up... been worried about picking up hanging out with my friends, smoke-Free. They’re all supportive but I know the temptation will be there

@yames it's good that you're thinking about this now cause I have been too. The temptations will be strong once everything opens back up by like sub says it's good to have a plan for when those triggers come up.

@~*ALiCiA*~ thank you! Hope you’re good

yeah complete sobriety is the way for me right now... one triggers the other

@~*ALiCiA*~ hey there. @IssaBLR Absolutely. I feel sort of blessed to be in the early aughts of this process during a time with relatively little temptation.

same @yames would not want to go through withdrawals while in the throws of being at work

I agree fully, that's why I think most of my other attempts didnt work out. I felt like I had to be high to deal with work.

10:44 PM

Now I had the time to fully focus and it's been extremely beneficial.

Are you guys working from home, or on furlough?

I was a dog walker leading up to this and unfortunately people are quite available to all their own pups. Waiting for unemployment to kick in

10:46 PM

Walk*

Right, that will do it...

I work full time as an electrician and collecting unemployment rn. My job site had 50+ guys on it and it was too risky for me to go in with a pregnant wife at home.

10:48 PM

@yames that's one of my dream jobs once I hit the lottery, I love puppers lol

@IssaBLR That was a hard, but good decision. My wife works in construction management and they've shut down all their sites.

@IssaBLR Hah it’s definitely a great gig barring the payout.

@Moderator -- Subduction yeah it's crazy how many sites were still pushing the manpower until just a few weeks ago.

10:50 PM

I've seen those portapotties and how many guys come out without using the hand sanitizer lol

@Moderator -- Subduction I'm working from home or rather, trying to work during a global crisis in my own home.

10:50 PM

but grateful none the less

@IssaBLR Some are still up and running. I'm just outside DC, where Amazon is relocating to, and we still see the big cranes moving.

@Moderator -- Subduction I can believe it, my dad is an electrician too and hes still working at the FedEx facility in the airport where they have hundreds of workers there. With a shuttle bus service to get them to work.

Yeah construction is still pushing on some here in Brooklyn. Definitely a bit stressful

Shuttle bus. Great.

Don’t think I could bring myself to keep walking pups out there given the option, since I live with my folks

@~*ALiCiA*~ kudos to you if I worked from home nothing would ever get done lmao

@IssaBLR I'm not very productive honestly

10:54 PM

and all the zoom meetings give me all the anxiety

@yames I grew up on LI and lived in Manhattan for 23 years, it's really my home. You guys have really been setting an example up there. Good to see.

but just grateful to be working still. my housemates all work in event production so they're out of work for the rest of the year most likely

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

@~*ALiCiA*~ I can imagine the zoom meetings being stressful, I haven't done a web meeting in years and wouldn't know how to conduct myself properly lol

10:57 PM

@yames do you miss the doggos?

Some of them. I had some real pains in the ass

it's not fun but we learn to cope!! cant imagine it will be changing before mid june

I really miss the outdoor time and walking ~10 miles a day. Been a tough adjustment

LA and New Orleans are on lockdown till mid may most likely till june

I try to tire myself out everyday to produce a similar effect lol

Just as a programming note, I think we'll try some structured meetings next week and see how those go. One speaker at a time, taking turns. Some people less comfortable with the avalanche-speed chat format may find that more comfortable. So stay tuned!

love that @Moderator -- Subduction

Sounds good @Moderator -- Subduction

@Moderator -- Subduction very excited to see keep up the good work!!

Time zones are weird to us British fancy putting the UK time on the posts too? (edited)

@M1NDFEEDER Is UTC-4 not enough to help? My guess was anyone not in my area could use that.

Have a good day everyone and stay strong!

But my goal is to have a calendar that gives eveyone local times autmatically. But that's going to be some work

Maybe I'm just extra thick but it means nothing to me

thankful for yall!

Okay all, closing up! I'm really enjoying these. See you back at 11am (4pm in London!)

Closing...

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

11:01 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 11:00 am Eastern Time (UTC-4) tomorrow!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

4:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

4:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

@here Leaves Lounge is on the air!

4:00 PM

Good morning everybody!

gm and hello

Happy as always to see so many people here. Can't believe this is just our first week!

Late afternoon for me but good morning to you!

Hey @Xtreme , hi @ChazzaMcRock !

Usual introductions -- I'm subduction, I had 10 years smoking all I could every day, now I have 21 years sober

4:02 PM

Please jump in and introduce yourselves!

4:03 PM

Hey @M1NDFEEDER !

goood MORNING!!!

TCG! Good morning!

hi good morning @Xtreme and @M1NDFEEDER and @Moderator -- Subduction !!!

Afternoon

I'm 6 days sober and going strong after 10 years of being a stoner

(4pm, London time)

I'm xtreme - been off and on smoking for 9 years. Was just a casual smoker but got addicted to cannabis distillates. I am currently 5 days sober.

Ahahah @Moderator -- Subduction

I finally slept last night!!! Woke up nauseous and super early but used the time to make my housemates and neighbors muffins

I'm chazzamcrock- smoked for 3 years. First 2 were maybe once or twice weekly which I was fine with. Then third year it was every day multiple times a day I would race home to smoke. Then went to a festival got through over half ounce in a weekend and it was way too much. Decided to quit in June. Mostly quit my September. Actually quit in December

wow congrats @Xtreme !!!

4:05 PM

looks like we are in a similar boat

4:05 PM

Hi @ChazzaMcRock !!!

Glad your here @Xtreme , 5 days is awesome!

Hey everyone

wow congrats!! @ChazzaMcRock how are you feeling these days?

Hi anon!

hey @anonymous good to see you again!

Happy to see some people from yesterday again

So much better. I quit actual cigarettes the same time so double whammy @~*ALiCiA*~. I'm more productive eat healthier for the most part (ignore that pizza I had last night) and I'm happier

I’m anonymous, daily smoker for 6 years and I’ve been sober for 81 days now

how are you feeling @Xtreme ?

I'm glad there is others who want to clean up as well.

Whenever I smoked I kept having these existential crises. Any one else get that?

What's up everyone and great to see some familiar faces! Nice to meet you @Xtreme! I'm 18 days sober now after 10 years of smoking.

damn! @ChazzaMcRock nice work! I've wanted to smoke tobacco so bad since I've quit but I think only due to the tactile habit of smoking something.

@Xtreme yeah yesterday was my first time on here and it really helped me a lot seeing how much everyone else was trying

Well, i just got laid off from my job as of yesterday - most likely due to performance issues. They told me it was because of "covid-19" but i know it wasn't.

@ChazzaMcRock I was getting bad ptsd symptoms while smoking during quarantine which led me to stop...

@ChazzaMcRock that takes a lot of dedication and you’re doing good

@Xtreme virtual hugs my friend ❤️

@Xtreme I was in a similar position when I smoked. I worked for myself, but the business just kept droping and dropping, because I wasn't engaged.

how are you feeling @anonymous ??

@Xtreme it is an awesome community that shows a lot of support. I've been here every day since it started lol

hey @IssaBLR !!

Hey hey @~*ALiCiA*~ !!

@anonymous thank you! It's just forming new good habits to replace the old

@~*ALiCiA*~ I’m feeling pretty good today, haven’t really thought about smoking or anything since the beginning of this week. How are you doing today?

Still get cravings now and again when I've had a shit day

Also has anyone had to deal with the stress of trying to file for unemployment right now lol?

i filed yesterday.

@anonymous that's great!! my cravings come at night and I know it's just me wanting to FEEL something outside of myself... I ate a late night snack which I never do last night to sort of curb that craving... don't want to replace smoking with food but I'm showing myself grace at the time.

@ChazzaMcRock it comes and goes for me. I’ve been in the same situation if anything goes wrong my immediate thought is to smoke again, but I’ve stopped myself.

@anonymous I've filed and it was a hassle at first but once I got to the point where its just filing out the vouchers every week it got easier.

@~*ALiCiA*~ I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily bad if it’s a healthy snack every once in awhile lol

@anonymous right!

i smoked mainly to escape feelings of not being good enough and to be fake happy. i was trying to cover up things i have to deal with head on.

@Xtreme @IssaBLR I filed near the end of March and request the payment once. It still hasn’t come in and I’m getting kind of worried.

I cough less which is nice

@Xtreme aint that real!!

Still cough though. But not as badly. Hoping it continues to improve

@anonymous have you recieved any pay at all? And where you from?

@ChazzaMcRock I'm curious how my performance at the gym will change now that Im not getting violently high before each session lmao definitely not coughing anymore either. especially from smoking oil/wax

@~*ALiCiA*~ you will run further. Honestly even a week without smoking you notice a huge difference

@IssaBLR nope it’s said my claim is under investigation for about two weeks now and I’m in Kentucky

hell yeah

@Xtreme I know firsthand what that’s like. Weed at first seemed like this miracle drug that cured every single insecurity I ever had in my life. In the end though I’ve realized it only prevented me from dealing with what was actually causing those problems.

@anonymous mine was held up for a week and then it finally went through, I haven't received any back pay for March though. You might have to call which sucks cause I know the hold is forever.

@anonymous It felt great, i was way more sociable and opened up and made more friends. The dark side of it was I was losing my memory and my performance at work suffered.

4:17 PM

Also, I stopped caring about my health, eating worse and not exercising like I use to.

@IssaBLR I’ve been trying to call forever, just gotta keep trying I guess.

I'm finding I'm so much more caring and earnest with my housemates when I'm not high. not that I was a bitch before or anything, I'm just more in tune with my surroundings and that makes me feel more connected

@Xtreme Yeah that happened to me many times. I was in such good shape for awhile but decided to smoke once and it was all downhill from there.

Hi, had some internet issues. I'm 3 days sober and have been smoking problematically for at least the last 4 years

hey @ssciolist so happy to see you back!!

@anonymous tis a pain but keep on trooping through hopefully it pops up for ya.

day THREEEE !!! LETS GO!!!!

Hey @ssciolist !

Thank you, nice to see you too! NOT ENOUGH CAPS

@ssciolist what's up glad to see you again!! (edited)

hahaha this coffee is like way strong... used a new brand lol

@~*ALiCiA*~ that’s great that you’re becoming more involved in their lives now! Weed kind of makes me numb to my surroundings as well

4:19 PM

@ssciolist welcome back!

Yesterday was fine, mostly I have been suuuuuuper cranky and my partner and I haven't been on the same wavelength. But that's managable. Also not productive at work, but it's a good time for that.

damn that bot really told me to calm down....

What did it say lol?

@ssciolist working from home is no easy feat especially if you don't do it regularly and are well adapted to it

4:21 PM

that I was using too much caps haha @anonymous

@~*ALiCiA*~ lol, there was a caps warning? I'll turn that off. Shout all you like.

At my old job, it paid well enough that I could afford a coworking space and I did that mostly so I wouldn't smoke during the work day

hahaha I just like to INFLECT

IT'S SUNNY IN ENGLAND WTF?!

4:22 PM

Yep told off too

hahaha @M1NDFEEDER rude!

ALRIGHT PEOPLE, THAT'S ENOUGH.

Hm, mix them in. IF YOU SAY ONE THING but not all things caps, it seems fine lol

@ssciolist coworking spaces can be so nice

4:23 PM

hahaha @Moderator -- Subduction I lol'd

My username must really upset it

Yeah, quarantine meant the return of my worst worst habits

Okay, try it now. Someone shout. (I'm exempt)

HEY IT'S HOT AND NICE IN ENGLAND

I’m gonna have to get off early here, it was great talking to everyone again and meeting some new people. I might be on later at 5, but if not take care everyone!

No warning

Nice to see you!

Good to see you @anonymous !

Have a good one @anonymous !!

Adios @anonymous

later friend!

@here Just a reminder, if you're lurking, please jump in and say hello. We'd love to meet you!

Has anyone realized that not smoking changes your perceptions on loved ones? Whether they're sober or not but if you're with them all the time, smoking helped you tolerate to be around them?

Not smoking has made me more tolerant to a lot of things actually

I noticed that when I smoked, I actually had a harder time with my partner. I love him to death and think he's so smart and when I smoked, I would often think that he was making fun of me or thought he was better than me -- weed just let my insecurities out to play

Even strangers. "No no, it's okay you be rude"

It's nice to not wonder if I'm acting crazy bc I'm high out doing normal business lol

1

4:30 PM

speaking of strangers ^

@IssaBLR yes it made me more detached from my relationships.

I mean I'm still convinced people are staring at me but let's not poke that bear

@M1NDFEEDER hahaha!!

I find that I'm less concerned with people around me, like who's looking at me, what they're thinking, etc. I'm more centered and occupying my own space.

I also look less like a crackhead about to rob your granny

I noticed that yesterday while I was out on a walk

4:32 PM

HAAH @M1NDFEEDER

4:32 PM

incredible analogy

The change in skin and eyes and everything is NICE

smoking also made my anxiety feel x1000 worse

I see what you all are saying, I feel more open and expressive with my emotions but I'm fearing with that I'm kind of start losing people around me. Like its they were more content with me smoking.

@M1NDFEEDER yeah I took a picture of my eyes the first day I quit to see if there would be a difference a month from now

@Xtreme agree. It spikes in this awful awful way that has helped me rationalize weed in the past

That could also be your perception. Or your addict brain trying to convince you people only like stoned you @IssaBLR (edited)

@Xtreme same!! it wasn't always like that for me though... .espeically when I first stsarted out

I think that if we can get over the hump, that anxiety falls back down to better levels. And then I can concentrate on better coping

I'll put my glasses on no one deserves these typos

1

like what a pain to realize that EXERCISE helps me

@~*ALiCiA*~ noticed any difference yet?

I've thought that too, at this point it feels like I'm just preparing for the inevitable. I'm not wanting to smoke again but still maintain my lifestyle with the people around me. Like an analogy, sober me is trying to live in the house addict me built.

Ah but sober you is better at wallpapering

4:36 PM

And if the house starts to crumble, then move out

4:36 PM

It's hard dumping an entire lifestyle

Not the inevitable of me smoking but everyone ending up leaving me because of the way i act. And my house I spent years working on is gone.

I don't think so?? @M1NDFEEDER It's only been 6 days for me

@IssaBLR Sometimes it helps me to remember that not everything has to change at once.

I like the way you put that though @M1NDFEEDER I have been working on my art skills!

But if the house was too small? You wouldn't wear too small pants right?

the dreams lately have been super crazy since quitting

@Xtreme omg you're telling me

and they are the dreams you dont forget upon waking up, they feel so real

Ah okay wasn't sure how far in you were. You will see a difference though @~*ALiCiA*~

@Xtreme We see that a ton at r/leaves. It was one of the first consistent withdrawal symptoms I noticed being reported when r/leaves started 9 years ago.

@IssaBLR Oh I'm full of crap me mate

@Xtreme yeah definitely I've been journaling about mine in the mornings

@M1NDFEEDER lol no you have great metaphors and I dig them. It's like two toilets talking together

I dreamed I was being suffocated last week

4:39 PM

Woke up cos I'd punched the wall to try an escape

4:39 PM

Fun times

4:40 PM

Well I do like to circle the drain at times @IssaBLR

‍♀️

Just curious, what withdrawals do you all feel like you experienced?

Must be the reason why you're feeling so flushed lately.

What's the list that you attribute to quitting?

NO THAT'S COS ENGLAND IS SUNNY I'M SUNBURNT

the withdrawals aren't so bad with weed, i have more with alcohol and nicotine/porn/videogames

@Moderator -- Subduction mood swings definitely, I've had sweats only two nights, vivid dreams, headaches and brain cloudiness.

Insomnia, agitation, anxiety, anger, restlessness, irritability,lack of concentration, apathy, sadness, suicidal thoughts,

I get phantom pains and nausea in the morning, mood swings have subsided now

i just miss the fake happiness i get with weed, so awe and wonder feeling and the way the mind connects things i wouldnt have sober.

definitely poor sleep and dreams but last night was decent for me!

4:45 PM

@Xtreme yeah definitely!!!

Ah yes and insomnia too but that's partly do to my crappy sleep schedule too.

Hand sweats, body sweats, emotional outbursts, mood swings, bowel issues

@Xtreme I miss that too sometimes. It was convenient to not feel happy and then suddenly command your brain to feel a different way.

Good times

like going on a walk made me feel like snow white but now that I'm sober it's just me and honestly it's starting to feel kindof nice... I'm starting to enjoy being sober and coherent and aware.

@M1NDFEEDER lol

quit list:

I want to run again and not worry that my lungs are holding me back
I actually care about my current job and don't want to smoke during the day
I have more energy the more I abstain
I don't want weed to hold me back from getting more cool things done in life

current withdrawls:

c-r-a-n-k-y
worse sleep
woke myself up coughing?
dreams coming back with a vengance

3

oooh nice @ssciolist

i now understand why my grandma (bless her soul) would criticize stoners so much. haha

@~*ALiCiA*~ I love that feeling too, I thought me smoking would help me stop and sniff the flowers but now I realized it made me too high to even notice them.

@IssaBLR right its all an illusion with weed

I've just got back from the park. It's way nicer sober

i went for a 3 mile walk this morning at 5 am, dead streets and no soul in sight. it felt great sober.

@~*ALiCiA*~ To paraphrase a member on reddit: "You're not using the weed to enhance the walk, you're using the walk to enhance the weed."

@Xtreme I need to start running in the morning again, I agree it's so peaceful and quiet during those hours.

@Moderator -- Subduction oh I like that

Streets are dead here. Parks are full. We all locked up

@IssaBLR running is one of the ways I enjoy the quit a bit more. I'm not very good, but I like thinking about my lungs doing their best

@M1NDFEEDER Our parks are closed, things are pretty quite here in DC

ooooh what a great way to articulate that sentiment @Moderator -- Subduction and whoever wrote it!

4:50 PM

@Xtreme oooh that sounds wonderful!

@ssciolist you're doing great, if you've made it outside to the streets that's a plus in my books!

Managed to stay sober, 2 weeks 1 day, a lot in part to @IssaBLR Really being my mellow when i was in a spiral, i was spiralling hard for like 15-18 hours, legitimately ready to just drop my Family to get high and make all the bad stop and instantly feel good no matter the cost, Thankfully i didn't. I mentioned i kind of "Cheated" my first 12 days, not by smoking weed but by using other means to dull my cravings and i feel that has significantly set my progress back, so my "hump" which was 2 weeks is really 3 days into it and i will probably have another 2 or 3 weeks before i show signs of improvement or what i consider improvements. Still really, really struggling with dissociation, but thankfully today has been milder, the other problem i have found is, I'm suddenly so bloody Lethargic, i managed to sleep around 2am yesterday for the first time since i stopped, but i woke up at 11:30am feeling like i hadn't slept at all, i can't even be arsed to exert enough effort to pick my son up or take a cigarette break or go for a walk it's just my entire body feels like it hasn't rested in decades. I hope it's worth it, doesn't feel worth it though

4:51 PM

But i remain, Sober.

@Enzo It's nice to see you!

4:51 PM

@Enzo and congrats on doing something so freaking hard

Hey @Enzo ! Happy you're here.

oh gosh big virtual hugs to you @Enzo so happy to see you back!

@Enzo I'm glad you made it brother and keep on keeping on! Its definitely going to be worth it.

I have a feeling our future selves are going to be so grateful for the choices we are making today....

I was going to pop by yesterday, but legit guys you can ask Bond, that spiral or craving the intensity and severity and the length of time it lasted was unreal like for about 15 straight hours, im not kidding i even told my girlfriend we was done, it was over, she can leave if she wants cos im getting weed, it was bad

4:53 PM

but, i didn't get weed, and it did eventually taper down to just me feeling "ok"

wowwww I'm soooo so happy to know you pulled through!! that sounds so fucking rough.

@Enzo yet you made it. You made it.

yes you did @Enzo !!!

That's how we get here. We get through a single day, or a single hour, or a single minute, and then move on to the next one.

@Enzo you said it yourself man it was just a really bad craving. You went through the worst and even though you're not feeling like it now, it's made you stronger. Proud of you!!

Any idea when the Lethargic might ease up? I haven't really felt it since today to be honest, maybe it was that really long craving and mental taxation that's caused it today, but i hope it doesn't stick around too long

@Enzo It's pretty cool that you were able to get through such an intense craving. Maybe it means the next one won't be as bad?

I hope so ^^

4:55 PM

or at least next time i can say to myself, you know it ends eventually, the craving when it get's that bad

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

also, I want to point out the kind of emotional taxation and toll that will take on your body going through a withdrawal period like that

Or you figure out triggers and new coping mechanicisms

that mental stress will amplify itself in your body

Every urge is an opportunity to learn

@Enzo That's exactly what "one day at a time" is all about. You can promise yourself you'll smoke tomorrow, but you just can't smoke today. Often, when you wake up tomorrow, you find it's a different day. Even if it's only very slightly different.

Ill try and remember the next time, it seems daft i was willing to say goodbye to everything for a 10 bag of weed, i just hope next time i can persevere again

@Enzo Every one of us has been that daft. Every one.

Sometimes when you get a streak going that helps. Don't want to lose the big number...

or now i'm not in that anguish or craving it seems daft, but when i was in it, it was totally rational

Even if your big number is 5 it's still something

5:00 PM

Peace out

It's that addicted brain that's telling you that smoking will make everything all better. Ready to trick you to fall into the same patterns. Everyone have a good day guys and I'll talk to you later, stay strong!

Okay folks, we're wrapping up. As always, so happy to see you all! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern today (10pm London, Midnight in Moscow) and I hope to see you all again!

Take care all, ill try check in tonight, or tomorrow

❤️

oop got to go as well. Probably just a short checkin from me over the weekends. Thanks so so much

Closing...

5:01 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

5:01 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern Time (UTC-4) today!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

10:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

10:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

Hello everyone, welcome!

10:00 PM

We'll get started as usual with introductions. Even if you've been here before, would you introduce yourself so people know where you are in your quit?

10:01 PM

I can start -- I'm Subduction, I was an everyday smoker for 10 years, and I'm quit now for 21 years.

Hey guys im Max! im 19 years old and im currently on my 3rd day of sobriety. I have been smoking daily since about 15 years old, so all i know is to be high. Now im finally making a change for the better development of my new adult life.

Hi @Maxwell !

10:04 PM

If you've been a lurker until now, try to say hello! We've like to meet you and participating is how this works best.

10:04 PM

How are you feeling this afternoon Max?

10:05 PM

@here A reminder to all, Leaves Chat is open until 6pm

Sup everyone I'm on day 9! Just got out of bed after spending 14 hours in it!

Hey everyone, hope you’re doing well

day 72

‍♀️

Hi @jackspider , Hi @Deleted User good to see you both

Thanks man, hope you’re keeping well

10:06 PM

@jackspider well done mate!

10:06 PM

@M1NDFEEDER that’s amazing

Hey @M1NDFEEDER !

Noswaith dda

I joined the other day. I haven't smoked since Sunday. We should create a channel to share crazy dreams?

Hey @snowfreak221 ! This is that channel!...We just had a discussion about dreams earlier. It's amazing what people go through.

10:10 PM

You're coming up on a week, that's great.

I dreamt about doing drugs. Knew it was a dream but I wasn't waking up it was weird

@Moderator -- Subduction thank you

10:12 PM

The other night I had a dream about a cardboard box that was haunting me. I saw it in the street outside my house and i went out and threw it in the garbage. I looked outside again and it was back out in the road. I threw it away a 2nd time, and it appeared inside my house with me...

that's funny

@snowfreak221 That makes sense, you never know what's inside a cardboard box.

No one seems to be wanting the microphone at the moment so how about. The best thing about sobriety for me is...? (edited)

10:16 PM

For me it's clarity

Hello again friends

10:16 PM

The best part about quitting weed is the dreams I have every night. I love them, they are all vivid and crazy

Hello @Joel!

@M1NDFEEDER The best thing about sobriety for me is reduced anxiety.

Oh and I guess having a completely different mindset and mental state is cool too I guess

10:17 PM

But the dreams tho

No dreams are valid

10:18 PM

Didnt have any for years over here. Weird having them again

@M1NDFEEDER I think the best thing for me is that opportunities, all kinds of them, don't just drift by unnoticed.

@Moderator -- Subduction hmm agree. My clarity allows me to not only see good opportunities but also potential pitfalls too. Instead of being blindsided by a drug

What do you mean “the opportunities” that come

10:19 PM

Can you explain more

Sure sure. I mean as a user I let a lot of stuff slide. Was too busy abusing to appreciate things. Now I'm clear headed I see the wood for the trees again

Just checking in really, still sober and not gone and bought anything. The dissociation was much milder today but around 7 or 8pm it really started to ramp up, i'm going to assume that's because i smoked heaviest from that time

To use a leaves based analogy

i just about cried happy tears today. i could just feel a burden being lifted off my shoulders and im only day 3!

Life itself is one opportunity after another. But if you're stuck in your head the only one you fulfil is the one that buys you weed (edited)

That hits home with me as well. It's much easier to be complacent with your life and not notice opportunities. Who knows how many things I've missed out on because i was stoned.

@Joel -- I worked for myself for a long time -- I'd sit in my apartment getting high, and be given new potential business leads, and not call, either because new work would cut into my high time, or my anxiety and confidence were low. Same with girls. Was a first date worth not sitting at home and composing music? Nah.

10:22 PM

Every new potential experience had to over come this giant wall of "Nah."

Don't look at it that way @snowfreak221 look at it as "but tomorrow I can" yesterday is done. But tomorrow... That's for the taking.

You’re very right. Yesterday does not matter, it’s about today and tomorrow. Always moving forward

For sure, it's best to stay present.

Hey @Enzo ! Glad you're swinging by!

How much longer is the chat going to be open?

Yesterday matters, but tomorrow and today are more important. And they can still be influenced. Ya can't change the past though. Just how you react to it

Cuz I just got off work and I have to drive home

@Enzo Would it be worth keeping a brief mood diary? It might help you identify trends a head bad times off at the pass.

10:25 PM

@Joel We'll be open another 35 minutes, and then again at 11 US Eastern Time tomorrow

Well than this is good bye for today then. Have a good day everyone. I’m proud of you all.

Have a good one @Joel stay safe

Happy you were here @Joel , even briefly. Please come by again and update us on how you're doing!

Thank you

Maybe, i'm kind of struggling also with anxiety i feel like worthless as i have no job, not had 1 for 5 year now but at least for 3 of them i being doing University but i want to get an internship for summer even though im 28 i need the experience and Developer positions pay too but my Anxiety is crippling me, the thought of having to get on the bus or a bus and a train multiple times a day there and back is stopping me even making phone calls as just the thought of having to venture out and do that kind of thing puts me on the floor crippling anxiety, i hope it eases as i get less and less dependant on weed and get further a long with more days sober

Do you use caffeine @Enzo?

Christ at one point i probably didn't leave the house for like 6 + months easily as my Dealer used to deliver straight to my door lol

10:28 PM

I drink tea and today i was feeling Lethargic so had a monster to perk myself up, but drink a lot of Tea

@Enzo No doubt it's hard to do something you haven't done a lot recently, even if it's just things other people consider routine.

I found caffeine made me more anxious. Just a thought

@Enzo hang in there.

@Enzo Have I mentioned the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns to you yet?

Nope, and trying my best got 2 weeks 1 day today, and won't be breaking tonight as my window to even buy has passed now

10:30 PM

so tomorrow will be 2 weeks 2 days

@Enzo Two weeks is epic, really. Take a look at that book. It's a very well-respected course in cognitive behavioral therapy, and there's a lot of clinical evidence it's very effective against anxiety.

^

It seems weird -- you read it and it feels like "so if I just do that my anxiety magically gets less?" But it really does work if you commit to it

I will definitely take a look

CBT is a game-changer. I've also studied Buddhism from a secular point of view, very helpful for living a good life.

Halftime reminder, if you have been listening in, please take the plunge and say hello!

10:33 PM

@snowfreak221 I'm a secular meditator, and it's been a big help.

that's awesome!

I think im going to head off upstairs as laying in bed with the ipad and hopefully get a better nights rest tonight and not wake up as Lethargic tomorrow

Alright @Enzo , take each day as it comes.

10:37 PM

If we have a pause in things, favor to ask: If anyone is outside the US Eastern Time Zone, would you have a look at this calendar and tell me if the meeting times are correct for you? https://bit.ly/3cPA7wN

Leaves Chat | Teamup

Teamup is a free sharable online calendar for groups and projects.

i'm in mountain time

10:38 PM

it's showing 9 am and 3 pm for me.

Looks right for me yah

Cool, good to hear. Trying to get a calendar and mod scheduling running, so we can expand a little.

World domination always has to be the master plan right

10:40 PM

Got to take the small nations first though

lol, it's funny because this reminds me a lot of when r/leaves started. I advertised r/leaves on trees and sat there. I was shocked when we got our first post.

I'll take the mic. I'd like to bust the myth that stopping smoking weed means creativity also goes with it. I don't think it does. Quite the opposite

@M1NDFEEDER I completely agree. I was a music major in college, and a creative director and then Chief Creative Officer for digital agencies. My career and hobbiest have all centered around creativity.

10:44 PM

Weed makes you feel creative, but it's not correlated with useable work. It's a creativity simulator.

The only creation I made was kitchen carnage

lol

Don't miss the weird food combos I'd make (edited)

Ha! When I was getting high I lived in New York City, so I always got delivery. Probably 8,000 calories a day looking back.

10:46 PM

And I wasn't exactly hitting the gym.

Couldn't face the delivery guys

‍♀️

10:47 PM

Too paranoid

I'd get it all delivered before I got high. I was like a cannabis prepper.

Don't say the g word

lol

I'd have had to order mine in my sleep

‍♀️ don't know what I miss more the gym or McDonald's (edited)

Good question

10:48 PM

Double sausage egg McMuffin I can’t replicate for the life of me

Nuggets

10:49 PM

How ironic though. I give up the weed and can't have Maccies and NOW I'm getting fat

Yeah, McD breakfast really does it. I love the Southwest salad and decided I was being all healthy and noble, but you look at the stats they're even trying to murder you with the salad.

Lockdown lovehandles

Ugh, McMuffins

I'm super-lucky, my wife is an awesome cook which makes quarantine a whole lot easier. If it were just me they'd be having to lift me out of my apartment with a crane at this point.

What's up everyone! Sorry for being late to the chat, I've been outside and got lost in the time lol

I'm just glad I'm sober for it. I'd be so fucking freaked out if I was getting high still

Hey @IssaBLR !

Still sober with 18 days after 10 years. I'm prolly go ahead and head back out. I appreciate you all and keep going strong!

Appreciate you nipping in, glad things are going well!

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

I couldn't imagine if I weren't sober for lockdown

10:56 PM

I thik I'd be out of control.

I'd probably still have the news on 24/7 getting more and more depressed by the hour

10:57 PM

Sellotaping the windows from the inside with a tinfoil hat on

10:58 PM

Possibly drinking disinfectant

I'm sure that no matter how badly things were going for me, not feeling well, struggling to find plugs, running out of money, I'd still be convincing myself that it was the best thing that ever happened to me! Stay home and smoke?! I'm in!

10:58 PM

lol

Ironic we're already used to this social distancing crap and now we've got our old lifestyle back it's a big NOPE from me

10:59 PM

Life is funny

Right?

And on that note

10:59 PM

Adios amigos

Okay @M1NDFEEDER and everybody, time to wrap things up. We'll be back on the air tomorrow at 11 Eastern Time. So great to see you all!

Closing...

11:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

11:00 PM

That's it for now everybody!

Remember, there's a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

4:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

4:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

@here Hello! Leaves Chat is open!

ayy

Hello everyone, welcome to Leaves Lounge! This is an informal chat, there are no speakers, so just jump in!

4:01 PM

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Subduction. I was an everyday smoker for ten years, and now I have 21 years quit.

4:01 PM

We'll get started as usual with introductions. Check in and let us know how you're doing with your quit.

4:01 PM

Hey @Phaxxy !

Hello! good Morning! Day 6 of sobreity after 10 years of habitual smoking!

4:01 PM

hey @Phaxxy !!!

4:01 PM

almost to a week!!!

hey @~*ALiCiA*~ ! nice job dude

Day 72? Feeling good

Awesome @~*ALiCiA*~ Going great!

4:02 PM

Hi @M1NDFEEDER ! Under our circumstances, good=great.

I'm able to sleep finally! and no crazy dreams!

hit day 203. feeling pretty gucci gang

2

but still feeling various other withdrawal

4:03 PM

hell yeah @Phaxxy !!

Oh hell yeah @Moderator -- Subduction just spent part of the afternoon in a graveyard enjoying the sun (not as morbid as it's sounds, just peaceful there is all)

@M1NDFEEDER Done that myself.

@M1NDFEEDER lol I've done that before

Apparently I've found my people

The residents are less concerned with social distancing too

yeah New Orleans does not to social distancing well as you can imagine hahaha

4:05 PM

oh I get your joke @Moderator -- Subduction lmao

4:05 PM

totally went over my head

1

I'm trying to figure out how to thumbs it up and failing

haha nah that works

But yeah the parks are packed so graveyards it is. Reliving my inner emo youth

‍♀️

@M1NDFEEDER I'm an a desktop, but hover over the comment and you'll see reaction options. Not sure on mobile.

Hi sorry to interrupt, I just found the subreddit. I quit 11 days ago and my dreams are going crazy, I'm waking up 4 times a night covered in sweat. Is this normal?

@KingKonas been there man

omg you're not interrupting!! hi @KingKonas !!!

4:07 PM

yes very normal @KingKonas congrats on making it to 11 days!

Hi @KingKonas Happy your here. 11 days is great!

I can only quote apparently. Blonde moment possible though

4:07 PM

Interrupt me by all means I just talk shite

@KingKonas We were just talking about dreams yesterday. It comes up super-often with people who are quitting.

@KingKonas a lot of relapse dreams too. i feel you heavily on the sweating

@KingKonas Crazy sweating very common too.

Oh okay - is there any were i should go read before asking? btw thanks for answering ❤️

@KingKonas Nope. You can read through the sub, but it's much better if you ask. When you ask you ask for everyone. It's exactly how this place works best

4:10 PM

@KingKonas Why did you decide to quit?

Morning everyone! I'm on day 19 after 10 years of smoking.

I'm having technical issues

yeah same

same here

okay maybe it's working again

Aight, that makes sense @Moderator -- Subduction I live in an illegal country and smoking weed is quite unpopular (mostly due to misinformation). I feel like I'm having trouble with finding girls who are okay with me smoking, that's the primary reason. Second I'm afraid i wont be as good in school, if I smoke the day before classes. Also the risk of jeopadizing my future career by not having a clean criminal record scares the shit out of me. I just feel super bored of everything have been loving doing the last couple of years while smoking. And my hungryness is super fucked up

Can anyone see this? It looks like the channel isn't loading...

we back?

I think we're back?!

Did i just break this discord server

@IssaBLR good to see you family

106 attempts later... woop woop well done @IssaBLR

4:25 PM

107 attempts later... woop woop well done @IssaBLR

It was probably me @KingKonas

@KingKonas lol, yes, Discord mentioned you specifically on their status page.

Can anyone see this? It looks like the channel isn't loading...

@Moderator -- Subduction yeah

Welcome back everybody!

Still sober here too, but i have noticed the mornings my dissociation is definitely a lot milder than the evening, it's nearly 5pm and i can slowly feel the build up of the feeling returning, it has to be because i smoked my heaviest as soon as it got darker outside and until i passed out

@KingKonas Those are all good reasons. The food part was big for me too. I must have been eating 6 - 8 thousand calories a day when I was smoking. It was a real problem.

hellloooo @Enzo!

Thanks guys!! I'm happy to see you guys again! And happy to meet you @KingKonas!

4:28 PM

What's up @Enzo !

@KingKonas I also had a great woman leave me because she just wasn't into dating an addict.

Hi just wanted to pop in and say it's day 4 for me. Yesterday was a little tough; getting to Friday and not 'rewarding' myself with a smoke was uncomfortable, but I ordered Indian food and watched a movie.

Hey @Enzo !

@Enzo nice dude.

hey @ssciolist good to see you!

That's the way @ssciolist

@KingKonas super happy you joined us! this group has definitely helped me pull through it and stay accountable

Well done to everyone making it through another night. Especially with the weekend looming

(edited)

@ssciolist dude i know what you mean. i've been practicing my cue-routine-reward cycle and that's been super helpful

@here this is the now-traditional midway message to encourage you to say hi if you're a lurker. Chat can move like a river, but just jump in!

@ssciolist I'm glad you made it man and that's what's up, it's like your pushing the other dopamine buttons !

@Phaxxy what does that look like for you?

Hey guys

@♛KAXA♛ hey there! how are you today!?

I'm 8 days in

4:32 PM

Since I stopped

4:32 PM

And I haven't felt so good

4:32 PM

In days

Thank you guys, i feel very welcome and definitely not alone anymore - i'll probably just be hanging around most of the time @ssciolist Watching movies helped me the first couple of days, it's nice being able to remember what the movie was about

congrats on the 8 days @♛KAXA♛ how have you been feeling?

HI @♛KAXA♛ ! Glad you're here.

I'm 18 and I have been smoking since I was 13

Hey @♛KAXA♛ I'm happy you made it! What are the symptoms looking like for you?

Feels like my brain is balancing itself out again

wow, it's so crazy to me how young so many people are when they started smoking...

@~*ALiCiA*~ so basically the way habits work is you have a cue, then a routine that follows, and then you get your reward. so when @ssciolist was talking about friday being a cue, smoking is the routine and the high is the reward. instead, to change that he watched a movie instead and still was rewarded with that good feeling. For me personally I've just been doing yoga and meditation like nobody's business to develop that good habit. that and reading books, sunlight exposure, all that good stuff

I mean I did too

Just very vivid dreams at this point I was shooting people Idk why lol

@KingKonas I've found former stoners to be a very welcoming and nice bunch of folks

I'm not like a sadistic person

ahhhhh!! yes! @Phaxxy

i feel like momentum is everything for me haha @~*ALiCiA*~

@♛KAXA♛ hahah wow!

@♛KAXA♛ that's part of it, it's like your brain is finding ways to make you go wtf? I constantly been having dreams where I get murdered.

But actually I find to enjoy some of the vivid intense dreams sometimes, am I the only one?

4:35 PM

Yeah crazy man

@Phaxxy I totally feel that, like once you build all the momentum, at some point it just turns into habit and it's sustainable

4:35 PM

@♛KAXA♛ yeah some of mine were super insightful. one thing that's helped me is writing about them first thing in the morning

That's okay - this night i was slicing strangers with katanas @♛KAXA♛

LMAO

@KingKonas studies the blade

lolololol

Apparently @Phaxxy the uv light exposure helps keep the corona away so good move!

I didn't have any insights I was just enjoying them from a craziness standpoint

4:36 PM

Like a thrill ride

4:36 PM

I hope I will get some insights soon

4:37 PM

Been writing them down for 5 days now

@IssaBLR cant go wrong with some vitamin d. or whatever it is the sun gives you

omg I'm so tan now, just been laying out for hours the past several weeks. It really makes all the difference on my mood having the sun. Just grrateful to be somewhere where its warm out

Yes sir that's the right vitamin I believe, I like the feeling it gets when its warming up your body

@~*ALiCiA*~ if you ever read the depression cure it's a good book that really goes in depth about sun exposure. it works wonders

Or a SAD lamp if you live in dreary England (edited)

Open question guys, do you think that you will be able to go back after a long time of quitting and have control over weed? Or do you think that it permanently has taken you into control when it's in your system? I believe that I should never go back

@♛KAXA♛ i try not to future trip about it. as long as my life continues to get better im going to continue doing what im doing. the drugs are always going to be there

Don't think I could moderate. That's why I'm here now

YOU MEANS ITS NOT SUNNY TODAY?? @M1NDFEEDER

@♛KAXA♛ I really try to not make decisions for my future self. its of no concern of mine to get wrapped up in that when the day to day can be a struggle to not quit.

Really like "future trip" @Phaxxy

^

Yep good analogy guys

IT'S ACTUALLY STILL SUNNY IT'S STILL FREAKING ME OUT

@IssaBLR

❤️

❤

it's hard not to think about the future!! but it really is just making more problems for myself that don't exist yet haha

@♛KAXA♛ i dont have any plans on it all. I know where my life was when I was stuck in the cycle and I dont want to go back to it.

Hey is there anyone that read the rule section before they joined this chat?

No rules just talking

‍♀️

@KingKonas That's why everybody talks about "one day at a time." You just quit for today. Then tomorrow, you just quit for tomorrow. After 21 years quit I know I could never have gone back an managed it properly myself and I wouldn't want to. I was in it to be immoderate.

what do you mean @elmomba also hi!!

READ THE RULES

@Moderator -- Subduction thats a great way to say it. its like i cant promise you ill be sober tomorrow but i can control right now

Guys I love that there is a group to support me through this because all my friends keep smoking

Hi @elmomba !

See ya later guys I'm gonna eat

I did read them lol but people are writing about the sun and vitamin d

@Moderator -- Subduction That's a really good point. Never thought about it like that

@♛KAXA♛ hope to see you back!

@♛KAXA♛ later homie

Later

Cya @♛KAXA♛

Okay @♛KAXA♛ good to see you!

Have a good one @♛KAXA♛ !

And it just seems weird to not be allowed to talk about other supplements that might help people in their recovery

4:44 PM

Oh and hi total

4:44 PM

Because for me just taking a multi vitamin pill in the beginning of my detox helped me so much with energy levels and just overall balance

I mean, I think it more or less refers to not prescribing something to others but we are just talking about our own personal experience...

Ahaaa

and the sun is vitamin D

4:45 PM

to us humans

Yeah and oranges have vitamin c

right

Which is very good for you

I'm just looking foward to growing it legally and then giving it to friends and family

right but we just try to avoid advice giving and more or less talk about our own personal experiences.

Aaahaaaaa

4:45 PM

Okay like that

but @Moderator -- Subduction would be able to articulate that better than I proabbly

4:46 PM

yep!

@elmomba I understand , but that rule was established for a reason. With 130,00 members we have people with enthusiasms for hundreds of compounds designed to fix you. The group was starting to sound more like a dark web forum than a support group, so we got out of the whole category. Anyway, happy to talk with you more offline -- you can message me at u/Subduction. Let's keep things focused on support here.

He's probably checking his rule book now for a perfect response

@M1NDFEEDER The Tao of Leaves

But back to my weed leaving I found I felt depressed so I got a sad light to help me. Won't work for everyone obviously

hahaha ❤️ thanks @Moderator -- Subduction for keeping us on track!!

Ahahaha @Moderator -- Subduction

Holy shit that's a lot of people man

4:48 PM

I really want to stay but I'm at work rn

@elmomba Yup, that's just subscribers. We'll probably hit 200,000 unique visitors this month.

@Moderator -- Subduction "dark web forum" that's hilarious and saddening I could see all the people trying to sell different supplements claiming that they'll help replace smoking weed.

You guys will be hearing from me

Hey everyone, I know i'm a little late lol

we hope to @elmomba !!!

@elmomba take it easy dude

see you back soon dude!

Okay @elmomba Come back and say hello when you have more time!

hey @anonymous !!!

4:49 PM

welcome back

You too bros

how are you feeling today @anonymous

Day 3 on here!

4:49 PM

I honestly am feeling a little down today

Have a good one @elmomba! What's up @anonymous I'm happy to see you again!

@IssaBLR It makes sense though, right? We're a group of people accustomed to ordering our body to feel a certain way immediately with a substance, so that orientation can be a tough one to break

Good to see you all too!

alright im going to go eat and clean the house. i love you all

4:50 PM

❤️

I'm not necessarily sad in relation to my addiction just the state of the world and my career

4:50 PM

@Phaxxy see ya man

Hey @anonymous Glad you came. Sorry it's a down day.

What have you been up to? @anonymous any luck on the unemployment?

4:51 PM

take it easy @Phaxxy !!

byyyye @Phaxxy !!!

Cya @Phaxxy

@Moderator -- Subduction I'm glad to be here!

@anonymous One odd, but still slightly positive spin on how you feel is that sounds like a natural, reasonable emotion. It means you're getting separate from the drug that controlled your mood.

@IssaBLR Since yesterday I worked out some and looked at some jobs I could apply to or maybe some grad school programs for the future. The unemployment is still unknown, I guess I'll try again on Monday when they open back up. I'm glad I have a lot saved tbh.

@anonymous Not that you're like "yay!" but even bad things can be good signs.

I'm not necessarily sad in relation to my addiction just the state of the world and my career

@anonymous this so much

@Moderator -- Subduction very true, before I quit I was somewhat content with my very soul crushing job. And weed also was one of the factors holding me back cause I would always be afraid of a drug test if I ever applied anywhere

@anonymous that's some good plans for the time being! Being clean can prolly help out with those future goals!

@M1NDFEEDER Good to know someone else is going through the same situation ❤️

Aight, imma go water my plants - if this chat still open in couple of hours, then i'll be back Thanks for advice, and thanks for having me ❤️

I lost my shitty little job due to covid so I'm using this time to retrain into something else, could you do similar?

@IssaBLR I think so I just have to look at the positives and how much potential I have to change my future

@KingKonas We'll reopen today at 5pm US Eastern time for another hour. That UTC-5 time zone, if I'm getting that right.

4:56 PM

@KingKonas It would be great to see you back.

gosh thats so much @anonymous that's a lot to go through at once on top of just the general start of affairs.

4:57 PM

right like this could be a new start for you once this is all over maybe? @anonymous still doesn't deny the fact that it's a lot to sift through and unpack in the mean time.

4:57 PM

yes come back @KingKonas!!!

Well I actually was in the process of switching to something else before the virus broke out. Had applied to this business analyst job and did the second interview. The third one was suppose to happen the week my state locked down so now i'm kind of in limbo. I have been kind of studying up on stuff like that during the quarantine, the only problem now is my current job might be opening back up very soon @M1NDFEEDER

Hey folks -- we lost some time with an outage, so I'll leave things open for another 15 minutes.

thanks @Moderator -- Subduction !!

Well I actually was in the process of switching to something else before the virus broke out. Had applied to this business analyst job and did the second interview. The third one was suppose to happen the week my state locked down so now i'm kind of in limbo. I have been kind of studying up on stuff like that during the quarantine, the only problem now is my current job might be opening back up very soon @M1NDFEEDER

@anonymous we really are in similar boats. Just keep your chin up, we'll both get there

(edited)

4:59 PM

I probably won't be back later so peace and love to all

@~*ALiCiA*~ Yeah there's a lot going through my mind. For the past two years i've felt really depressed about my career and the situation in the world hasn't helped out at all lol.

And you have so much potential @anonymous ! It sucks that this is all during a national emergency. You got options though!

sending you all the virtual hugs!

@M1NDFEEDER Take care and I know we'll both figure something out

@M1NDFEEDER peace out and great seeing you!

bye @M1NDFEEDER !!!! ❤️

Later @M1NDFEEDER Good to see you!

@IssaBLR That's true i'm still pretty young and in a decent position I would say

I'm going to have to head out too, talk to you guys later!

5:01 PM

@anonymous for sure man you got the world in your hands!

@anonymous Sometimes small prepping actions can help you with bigger "state of things" worries. Cleaning your apartment, getting things in order, that kind of thing. Start small.

Have a good one, good to see you!

cya @IssaBLR !

@Moderator -- Subduction yes so true! do what you can now to prepare yourself to make those big life decisions when they come your way

5:02 PM

bye @IssaBLR !!!

You all are right, I have kind of neglected a lot of small self maintenance in the past 6-7 weeks

5:03 PM

Also I feel like I kind of hijacked the chat

There's a saying in the recovery community that "you get sober with your feet." And while it initially referred to going to meetings, it works much more broadly. It's hard to think your way out of a feeling. You do things, even unrelated things, and they have a surprising effect.

5:04 PM

@anonymous lol No hijacking here

5:05 PM

Okay, things have quieted down it looks like, so I'll close up so my wife isn't more of an r/leaves widow than she already is.

hahaa thanks @Moderator -- Subduction

I'll talk to you all later then. Thanks for everything you all are so kind.

and happy that you're here talking with us @anonymous

5:06 PM

❤️

I'm happy to be here too! Take care everyone!

Thanks for coming by everybody, and we'll be back on the air in 5 hours from now, whatever time that is in your jurisdiction. Thanks all!

Closing...

5:07 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

5:07 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern Time (UTC-4) today!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

10:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

10:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

@here Hello everyone! Leaves Lounge is open!

10:00 PM

Welcome to Leaves Lounge! This is an informal chat, there are no speakers, so just jump in.

Hello!!

hi

good to be back in the lounge

what's good everyone

hey @yames !

10:00 PM

hey friends!

Hey everybody! Great to see you!

ill have a pina colada and a mai tai yeah

If you're a lurker -- everyone you just saw introduce themselves were lurkers at the beginning of the week. Please jump in and say hello -- there's no wrong time and we'd like to meet you!

Well in that case

10:02 PM

hiya

Hey @sneef !! welcome! how are you?

Hey @sneef ! Welcome!

I'm okay

@sneef Where are you in your quit?

Heyo @sneef

Hello @Violet Hour !!

oh hello biolet. fancy seeing you here

Hi @Violet Hour !

Hey everyone!

Hi @anonymous !

Day 6 going strong for me - excited to make it a week tomorrow!

@Moderator -- Subduction Very early on. Hoping that this group helps keep me motivated

@sneef this group has been huge for me in sticking to it!

We have a few early people who check in here.

yes, totally agreed - I sincerely think I could not be where I'm at without this support group. Week 3 cravings have been hitting harder for me. I feel like I was so proud + amazed at myself for not smoking early on and now the normalcy of it is really setting in, and it's been more challenging.

what have you guys replaced weed with in your life?

@yames Yeah, it's like your brain finally wakes up to the fact that you aren't kidding around and starts to fight back.

@Moderator -- Subduction Well put - that's exactly what it's like.

@sneef I've started reading again, working out, and connecting with people I kind of neglected

@sneef exercise and trying to be a chef god

@yames the normalcy!! making me feel like things are more mundane sometimes... totally relate

10:07 PM

but I'm trying to focus on the clarity that I feel I think

10:07 PM

which I haven't felt in awhile?? or like ever?? idk

@yames that's how it went for me, once I started dreaming again my body really wanted to smoke

@sneef reading, walking, meditation, yoga, baking!!!

hi people, new to the server so just gonna watch and learn for now

@Chickens !! hello!! glad you're here!

10:09 PM

howre you feeling today?

Hi @Chickens, happy you're here! (edited)

yeah trying to remind myself that if my ultimate goal is to quit, I don't want to go through the early stages of withdrawal over and over. if I give up now, there will be another week 3 down the line

@Chickens Nice to meet you, how're you doing?

quitting weed smoking for the third time, regular smoking for the first, i'm over the stomach pains, just dealing with the acid reflux for now

congrats! how far along are you @Chickens ? this is my first week

for weed? well into my second month, for cigarettes almost thru with the first month

@Chickens congrats - that's some real progress

my advice? stock up on stomach and acid meds

damn! excellent work!!

this is the WORST heartburn of my life

For real haha

10:11 PM

I didn't realize it at the time but it definitely was doing that to me

Yeah I was popping tums for awhile there. The belching was so bad. I was thankful to be sequestered to my home lol

I would be dying at work from it

well fortunetly i was able to prepare for the current situation, but i'm not a religious man in any way, but i've been praying to jesus daily for relief, gonna start using a prescription medication for relief

damn I guess what that feeling is! like I keep getting nauseous and it's like in the back of my throat?

well i am in no way a doctor, but if its a burning in your chest and you have difficulty drinking water, that's heartburn

10:14 PM

you won't have any difficulty breathing though, your throat might get swollen too, if it gets bad like mine, CALMLY call your doctor, this telephone medicine shit is for the birds and those nurses who answer the phones are stressed to the max

chickens is your throat fucked as well from the smoking

how long have you been a stoner or smoked weed?

i got a chronic cough and people think ive got corona lol

smoked weed for 16 years, cigs for 17, i'm currently getting up to 35

10:16 PM

i'm also using the nicoderm CQ patch

lol my housemates giving me weird looks like ITS ALLERGIES

What's up everyone and congrats @Chickens !

do u have it as well @~*ALiCiA*~

Hey @IssaBLR !

it's not so bad anymore

10:17 PM

honestly a lot of my symptoms are subsiding finally except the nausea

I've smoked for 10 years and I'm on day 19! And hey @Moderator -- Subduction ! How you doing today? Another good day being the mod of the decade?

my coughing was pretty much done with in 2 and a half weeks, that step one patch though is a Motherhucker

@~*ALiCiA*~ took about a week and a half for the nausea to subside for me. Hope you're out of the woods with it soon.

@IssaBLR lol -- it's my wife who is the true hero. She's a Leaves widow. We've only been married for a little over two years and she's very patient with the time it takes.

if you are coughing, i recommend you put some paper towels in a trash can, and look at what you cough up, you will see that tar, and it will gross you the fuck out, but its high motivation

good to know... thanks @yames !!!

10:19 PM

we love to see credit where credit is due!!! @Moderator -- Subduction

10:19 PM

❤️

@Chickens lol nastiest tech of the century. Smart though

coughing up the tar was when I knew I never wanted to smoke like that again

lol ew

10:19 PM

but I believe you haha

well with the phlegm you know its not covid, and when you see the tar you'll be like wtf that's inside me? get it the fuck out

@Chickens We have had pictures of that posted to leaves in the past. For science.

@Moderator -- Subduction that's awesome of your wife and tell her she has my appreciation as well!

I will!

hahah noooo omg @Moderator -- Subduction

@Moderator -- Subduction i'm pretty sure from what i've read that i'll still be coughing up tar later on though, one does not simply walk out of mordor

it's not even tar, haven't smoked anything for over a month so idk what is up with it

10:21 PM

maybe it's the cillia regrowing yeah?

from what i've read, its the cillia regrowing and forcing out the tar

oh wow!!

10:21 PM

thats wild

Yeah, I'm not sure what it is. I prefer to think of it as diamonds and rainbows.

haha

Evening guys! Hope you’re doing well

my upset stomach took around 2 and a half weeks too

Hey @Deleted User !

@Deleted User Hey, how's it going?

Hey guys nice to see you

What's up @Deleted User !!

Not too bad man, watching breaking bad, you?

10:22 PM

Hey Bond mate

Amazing show right there. I need to catch up on better call saul

if you guys have cut the cord like i have, check out pluto.tv

hey @Deleted User !!!!

they've got every episode of the original robotech

Hey careergirl!

plus a bunch of other stuff

I'm just chilling drinking some coffee

10:23 PM

I really need to watch better call saul

I need to give better call Saul another go

breaking bad is my favorite show ever

I watched the first series and really struggled to get into it

Better Call Saul and Westworld are piling up for me too.

me and one of my old roommates watched the first season of it back in the day and I never went back

I wanna start watching The Wire from Ep 1!!

1

10:24 PM

I'm a smart girl and all but Westworld made me feel dense as hell hahahah

Ah westworld that's another one I need to catch up on. The first season was amazing I remember. (Some at least) lol

I could not keep up but the whole show is INCREDIBLE

Is it on Netflix? (The wire)

I just ended up watching for the entertainment of it and try and not obsess about the story and timelines

I've always heard the wire is one of the best shows ever made

hulu and prime I think?

gonna go skate - good to check in with y’all. keep at it and have lovely evenings

Westworld is another one i've wanted to watch as well

yeah same @anonymous

@~*ALiCiA*~ It's starting to crawl up its own back door lately, but I'm hoping it's for a good mindblowing reason.

bye @yames !!! see ya soon

I've recently fell in love with the Midnight Gospel on Netflix. I've watched it twice now.

Good to see you @yames !

oh I"m sure

@yames take care!

Good seeing you @yames !!

10:27 PM

I'll have to check out the wire sometime I also heard it was an amazing show with a decent ending. Game of thrones left me indecisive in getting fully invested in a long series anymore lol (edited)

Does anyone have any strong smoking associations that interfere with hobbies? Some people get stuck because they associate TV or movies with weed.

yeah I do honestly

10:28 PM

I haven't been able to watch much

Playing video games seems to be an issue with me lately. I can't sit down and play them a lot without feeling bad.

it just makes me feel itchy to watch something right now

For me it's composing music. I was a music major in school, but I honestly haven't been able to go back to it since I quit. The associations aren't strong now, but I'm not sure I have the patience.

wow

10:30 PM

thats rough! @Moderator -- Subduction

10:31 PM

I mean I imagine that you identified with composing music too

10:31 PM

perhaps?

That is tough @Moderator -- Subduction how is listening to music for you?

My horns and keyboard and stuff are here in my office with me. We've been staring each other down, so maybe soon.

Is it free on prime by any chance?

10:31 PM

That wire programme

Listening's okay.

10:32 PM

@Deleted User Don't know -- Netflix, maybe?

I’ll have a look now buddy

Look slike free on prime...

I have written a song since my teens. Maybe sobriety will be inspirational

‍♀️ evening all

@here -- This is my usual halfway message to encourage lurkers to join in, it would be great to meet you, so don't wait for a lull, just jump in and say hi!

10:34 PM

What do you play @M1NDFEEDER ?

@M1NDFEEDER what's up!!

id talk but im gaming rn and if i talk in chat ill die

10:35 PM

you should set up a voice chat

@Joel lol

10:36 PM

Maybe!

10:37 PM

Next is a structured meeting, I think. One speeker at a time. A litle more slowly paced

exciting!

17 days weed free and counting@

What's up guys? Gonna pop in real quick before sleeping.

10:39 PM

@Joel Nice job, that's a good start!

That's awesome @Joel

10:39 PM

Hey @Findict !

Super excited to see the evolution of the group. Doing great there @Joel and nice to meet you @Findict ! Well I'm signing off for now, talk to you guys later!

Okay @IssaBLR see you soon!

gn homie

Guitar mainly, bit of piano but the guitar got a bit neglected over the years as happens when adulthood and drug habits happen

(edited)

im playing old school runescape rn

Goodnight Bondo!

@IssaBLR see ya dude take care

10:40 PM

@Joel I love oldschool runescape haha

@M1NDFEEDER I managed to have a drug habit without owning a guitar, which I think is pretty impressive.

Hi and bye @IssaBLR

i cannot play music to save my life

I have a guitar next to me but dare not touch it.

Oh the guitar hobby predates the habit and I could not remember how to play anything when using. Sad times

@Joel Guitar Center has guitars on sale all the time for $79. As many people at parties prove every weekend, you do not have to be able to play music to enjoy playing guitar.

thanks

10:43 PM

but i have 0 interest in playing guitar

@Joel Probably for the best...

I would play more if I had the time and space

@Findict I'd advise changing the strings before you do touch it, mine reeks of weed

Which is soon probably gonna happen actually

My hobbie besides video games is pottery, i have a small studio in my room

@M1NDFEEDER Thankfully, I don't have a history with weed myself. Some former friends do.

Hiya

I’m new so just saying hi!

@Joel That's cool! My sister did pottery for awhile. Much harder than the experts make it look.

@holly

@M1NDFEEDER I'm noticing a huge difference in the whites of my eyes already!!

Welcome @holly

hey @holly !!! welcome in!

Hi @holly ! Happy you're here!

@~*ALiCiA*~ that's awesome! Wish I'd took notice of mine. However my sister DID notice I didn't have eyebags anymore

(edited)

@holly How are you feeling today?

welcome holly

Thanks guys! I run out tomorrow and my plan is to not buy more and go from there.. bricking it a bit to be honest! But glad to be here

(I’m not high rn so hope it’s okay to be talking a day before my quit date!)

I never really noticed anything with my eyes besides them being red when I was high. What did you see in your alls?

only if i smoked THE DANK

@holly Hey welcome to the chat! It's good you're making the first step and making a conscious decision to quit.

Mine always looked like I was half asleep but that's cos I was always high so... @anonymous (edited)

@holly quitting habits is hard, don't beat yourself up. Give it time and effort, and you'll make it.

@holly It's easy to put it off when you have a stash.

10:49 PM

I sounds like you're heading in the right direction tho

Yeah I’ve downloaded the app this morning and just kind of having a look around in advance. @Moderator -- Subduction yeah that’s always how I’ve failed before, I impulse quit when I still have some rather than like running out and making the decision for myself if that makes sense haha

@M1NDFEEDER Maybe mine did too and I just never noticed

I impulse quit in a way. I actually still have my weed @holly

10:50 PM

Prepares to get shot down, running for cover

10:51 PM

Sometimes you just want to quit more than smoke yanno?

@M1NDFEEDER ... ...

i would remove all the weed in your life

@mindfeeder damn good for you, I think I need the lack of choice right now.. yeah I’ve managed a few days before and it was hell and I caved so not looking forward to it! But gotta be done

‍♀️

throw it away or give it away

Yeah I think it's best to remove it all if you want to quit for good

@M1NDFEEDER Quick, open a window and sacrifice it to the wind!

️

That's easier said than done though

No. Doing that makes me want it more

‍♀️ troll logic but I'm me so I know what works

Yeah to each their own for sure

10:52 PM

Thanks for being so welcoming!

I'm a "wants what she can't have" kinda gal

The problem with keeping your stash is timing. The second a craving becomes overwhelming you can relapse. If you have to rebuy it gives you time to implement the anti-craving plans you should already have in place.

Thank god I'm wearing a bullet proof vest

10:53 PM

Yeah look not recommending it to anyone that's for sure but (edited)

10:53 PM

Last time I got rid I bought again soon after.

@Moderator -- Subduction yeah and I’m an impulse kind of person, I need to not have any lying around

10:53 PM

I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it but I’m gonna try

Whatever keeps you from smoking @M1NDFEEDER , but at least you seem to appreciate that you are inflicting an even narrower tightrope on yourself.

10:54 PM

@holly Just one day at a time.

Oh I know

@Moderator -- Subduction

1

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Quick check in before shuts, still sober. Definitely feel a lot worse now it's nearly 11pm than i did at 11am

Dave's not well haha

Dave is trouble. I don't think he likes me. But that's for us to work out. Never name a bot after yourself.

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

@Enzo First days are the worst according to most. So stay strong, it will get better over time.

I'm so glad I withheld my Dave joke

Glad to see you @Enzo

Thanks again for being so welcoming all! Nice to know there’s a good support here when I’m started. And well done to everyone staying sober!

16 day's in still feel like day 1 at night time, hopefully tomorrow is a better day

@M1NDFEEDER lol Dave is always here...

@Enzo What is on the planning for tomorrow?

No idea, hope to stay sober

I would recommend a nice walk, but I'm not sure if you can

So happy to have seen everybody today, and especially happy to see the new folks -- you're really adding to the place. We'll be back on at 11am tomorrow US Eastern Time, which is UTC-4 for anyone not at my house.

No idea, hope to stay sober

@Enzo ain't that the dream we all have

Take care all

Love and typos til next time

Take care, I'll see if I can be there in the 5 PM (for me) session tomorrow as well.

11:00 PM

This is nice

Closing...

11:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

11:00 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 11:00 am Eastern Time (UTC-4) tomorrow!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

4:00 PM

Opening...

4:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

4:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

@here Hello everyone! Leaves Lounge is open!

4:00 PM

Welcome to Leaves Lounge! This is an informal chat, there are no speakers, so just jump in!

4:00 PM

We'll get started as usual with introductions. Check in and let us know how you're doing with your quit. I can start:

4:01 PM

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Subduction. I was an everyday smoker for ten years, and now I have 21 years quit.

4:01 PM

How are you guys this morning?

4:02 PM

Quiet day today? It's a Sunday, not too surprising.

Good Morning! 7 DAYS!!! ONE WEEK!

How do quit? Ha

right, I've been laaazy all morning @Moderator -- Subduction

Good morning! That's awesome @~*ALiCiA*~ ! Congratulations!

4:03 PM

Hey @Reality Winner !

@Reality Winner hello!! How are you this morning!?

4:03 PM

Glad youre here!!

Hello I'm a 20 year old female with anorexia, trying to quit but the past 2 years have been a haze between not eating well, insomnia, and all sorts of health issues.

@Reality Winner There's an old joke in AA that goes "It's easy to quit, just don't drink." And then everybody laughs...

4:04 PM

@Reality Winner Well I'm glad you came. Have you managed to stop yet?

@Reality Winner how long have you been smoking weed for?

I smoked for the first time with an ex boyfriend around the time I turned 18, I smoked socially with friends sometimes but I wasn't a frequent smoker until my father passed when I was 19 and a half. There was also a period of binge drinking but I managed to stop. I'm turning 21 soon but I'm tired of feeling like I have to smoke to manage to eat or feel okay. Quarantine has been hard on my mental health and my living situation isn't the best.

4:08 PM

I used to just smoke wax carts lightly but now I've been smoking flower daily for almost a year now . I've managed to quit for a few days at a time though.

@Reality Winner my goodness girl - big virtual hugs to you. That's a lot you've got going on and quarantine only exacerbates it and really makes it hard to process and cope. Engaging in things like this has been paramount for me and I'm just grateful you're here and sharing. Makes us all feel a little less alone about our own struggles. It takes a lot to come reach out sometimes.

4:11 PM

I found that quitting smoking weed really helped me personally with my own PTSD symptoms during this time but that doesn't mean I don't want to numb out with smoking... it's such a double edged sword.

@Reality Winner You mentioned your living situation, can you get away from weed there, or is someone else smoking too?

no just me

4:14 PM

My family does know about it though

4:14 PM

Actually I'm transferring to uni soon

4:14 PM

And I was offered a dorm

4:14 PM

I just need to survive through quarantine lol

4:15 PM

I would like to curb my weed habit though along with my other issues it makes things like my grades worse, but maybe its also depression

are you excited about that @Reality Winner ?! going to Uni?

Morning everyone! Sorry to jump right in real quick, I'm 20 days sober after 10 years of being a heavy user with small hiatuses in between, congrats on the week @~*ALiCiA*~ !!! That's a huge achievement! I'm happy to meet you @Reality Winner you've came to the right place to get some support with the smoking issue.

hey @IssaBLR !!!

@Reality Winner So many of us came to this with a big tangled ball of feelings, conditions, syndromes and problems.

^^ very true

I've been in college since I was 16 tbh and I'm over it honestly, or there were at least times where I just didn't care because I spent so many years depressed isolated and suffering from anorexia for almost 6 years in silence. But recently I've actually told my mother and started being more open to friends and trying to improve. I'm also trying to improve my sleep and productivity and being sober because I miss it.

@Reality Winner Getting quit doesn't just throw that ball out the window, but it does let you start unraveling that ball.

4:17 PM

Are you in treatment for the anorexia?

@Moderator -- Subduction preach man, preach

No but I want to be, I literally don't have health insurance starting this year and because of everything going on I can't really go out or afford to. Apparently health issues like bradycardia and messed up bloods can make me more prone to corona. I've already had cardiac scares a few weeks ago.

very well said @Moderator -- Subduction !!! it certainly adds momentum to recovery

I used to see a psychiatrist, last time was December but my insurance hasn't been active since January.

@Reality Winner that makes me mad at the insurance system for you, cause I know how much of a hassle it is to get help when you really need it.

Yeah I'm American btw I never anticipated anything like this would happen during a crucial moment of my life lol

@Reality Winner I do believe there are options out there to get you access to treatment without insurance, especially now. It's important you address the smoking and the anorexia together. Anorexia is a deadly disease, but "either I smoke or my anorexia gets worse" is a false choice.

yeah I realized that

4:23 PM

I honestly can't even imagine eating without smoking anymore

4:24 PM

Its honestly fed into excuses not to eat or not addressing the anxiety

Hey guys!

4:24 PM

@Reality Winner I went through something similar

4:24 PM

Couldn’t eat meals without knowing I had a joint to have afterwards

Hey @Deleted User ! Good to see you!

Hey Sub! You too mate

My counselor dropped me in January too because she wouldn't do phone calls or anything like that during this time. I'm american as well!

Damn man

Hey @Deleted User glad to see you man!

Hey Bond! Nice to see you too!

@Reality Winner it also could be worse, believe me, quitting early in life is the best decision you can make, the longer you wait the worse it gets, and the harder it becomes to quit

@Deleted User my friend has actually experienced this too! He doesn't have an appetite anymore. For me it's like a complete loss of hunger signals plus appetite suppression from weed on top of it agh

4:25 PM

@Chickens I saw on reddit that nobody regrets quitting

Took me a few days to realise I can still play video games and watch stuff without being stoned

4:26 PM

First few days I just felt odd

hey @Deleted User and @Chickens !! How are you folks feeling this morning?

Hey careergirl! Nice to see you

4:26 PM

Not too bad, contemplating on whether to get another chocolate bar or not

@Reality Winner In rehab they told us that "you don't commit to quitting, you commit to doing whatever you have to do to quit. One is a goal, one is a process. People who succeed and people who failed at quitting both had the same goal.

@Chickens true that, it gets to the point where you start associating getting high with everything. Before all this I started my work day at 7 but would get up at 4 in the morning to smoke. Then as soon as I got off work it was the same thing. I even started taking my bowl to lunch so I could drive away from the site to smoke.

Wow I never thought about it like that before

4:28 PM

You know what I relate to with that also is anorexia

4:28 PM

Its like an addiction

Hey everyone! Sorry to jump in at the middle. I was a daily smoker for around 6 years and now I’m 82 days sober!

@Moderator -- Subduction thats a great way to look at it, really takes the pressure off of being afraid to fail

4:28 PM

hey @anonymous !!! hell yeah!!

It's a way of trying to get control in your life is my experience (anorexia)

@Reality Winner it absolutely is

4:29 PM

yeah, was goign to say, about controlling your immediate surroundings and emotions attached to it

4:29 PM

hey @M1NDFEEDER !!!

Small update, the only thing getting me through this at the minute is the echoing thought that when i pass my studies, all due no later then the 30th of may i will smoke. I hope this passes and the time comes and i pass smoking in 2 or 3 more weeks but it's the only thing that is making it tolerable right now. And that's a slippery slope to ride

4:30 PM

If that's in 10 days or 20 or 1 day, when all is handed in and i know i have passed year 2, i can smoke without the guilt of failing etc

It is! @Reality Winner I was a chunky kid when growing up, idk if i went through anorexia at one point but there was a point where I would obsessively count my calories, go run 10 miles a day and drink nothing but some lemon water detox stuff. My body and myself felt horrible all the time but it was all I could think about and made me terrified to eat.

@Reality Winner When you think about quitting and play that through, we all get the "but if I quit, then..." worries that make us stop considering quitting. Are your concerns about eating the thoughts that come up the most?

@M1NDFEEDER thats exactly what its been like for me, and to an extent I'm still not ready to get better nor have a true desire to. But I do have a desire to commit to quitting weed before I tackle that other issue. I think its because it's nearly been over half a decade struggling with it. Its honestly gotten so bad during quarantine where I would just cry in my room all day and smoke and watch endless movies for whitenoise and comfort but I know I'm not supposed to feel this way all the time.

Hi @Enzo ! Glad you're here.

@IssaBLR that sounds terrible and similar to how it started for me when I was 15

@Enzo @M1NDFEEDER what's up guys I'm happy to see yall again!! :)

@Reality Winner one day and one step at a time and showing ourselves grace and compassion during the process is sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves

4:32 PM

hey @Enzo good to see you back

Thanks mate, just trying to check in to give myself some daily responsibility. But i feel that even 6 weeks won't be enough time to handle the occasional smoke and i will slip back to what i am trying to escape now. But it's the only singular thought keeping me going right now, which is maybe just what i need to get through right now

@IssaBLR I can relate to that very much, it’s terrible to feel like that as a kid and it really sticks with you

@Enzo It sounds like you've really been what we call "white-knuckling it" lately.

@Enzo I think by the time you reach that point you may not have any desire to actually smoke once you see what you can accomplish without it

For what's it's worth, from someone who "enjoys" starving herself, sobriety makes it easier to fight off. And you tend to eat better than the entire McDonald's menu at 4am @Reality Winner big hugs though

I'm hoping when the time comes and i have passed, enough time has passed for me to shake that thought, but i dont know. If it keeps me sober today then i guess it's better than caving

Oh yeah, hello

@Enzo yeah I'm struggling with schoolwork too but I always have depending on how bad my depression and ED is

4:35 PM

I like that thing you're doing to cut it off till may

ugh, don't mention mcdonalds please, never gonna eat there again

@Enzo yes sir just keep making it through today.

@M1NDFEEDER thanks for the encouragement ! It's really nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel ❤

@here This is my usual halfway(ish) message you encourage you to say hello if you're lurking! Don't wait for the right time, just say hello. we'd love to meet you.

@M1NDFEEDER Haha I cant say I miss the daily fast food binges

Last week I spent over 60 dollars in 2 days over takeout :/ this combined with being intoxicated the entire night doing it

4:36 PM

Not fun or good for my self esteem

4:37 PM

It was mc dees too

There's always a way out, remember you're in a tunnel not a hole, and even holes have light if you're good at digging

@Reality Winner

4

@Enzo Remember, don't look up, don't look down. Just focus on today. figure out why today is fighting back so much, and start trying experiments to make today better. the rest of the days can sort themselves out.

@Reality Winner We’ve all been there before. I think the fact that you’re wanting to change is a very good sign.

love that @M1NDFEEDER !!!

4:38 PM

yeah @Reality Winner not many people get to the place you are at and yet, here you are! I hope you are proud of yourself even for just simply reaching out. Doing that in of itself is a daunting thing to do.

I've killed the conversation, back to lurking whoosh

Not at all lol

@Reality Winner I'll make my usual pitch for the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns. Have you run across it yet? It's a very well-respected and clinically validate course in cognitive behavioral therapy you can do yourself. It really helped me, so I talk recommend it a lot.

Has anyone had a lot of headaches after quitting?

@M1NDFEEDER I swear you crack me up at least once a chat

@M1NDFEEDER lol

I don’t know if it’s from having to deal with the stress directly now or something else

@anonymous that was a big symptom of mine, along with cloudy thoughts it was maddening to not hear my own thoughts in all the "static"

4:42 PM

Meditation, drinking lots of water, and getting some exercise helped out with a bit for me.

@Reality Winner Cognitive behavioral therapy is also the leading evidence based treatment for anorexia and bulimia.

I had the cloudy thoughts for a bit too. My thoughts are a lot clearer now but even after all this time I’m still getting the headaches.

@anonymous I get tension headaches all the time if I don't keep my neck stretched.

Maybe it’s something like that? I exercise daily but maybe I need to stretch more.

@Moderator -- Subduction ill see if I can order it or torrent a copy!

@anonymous like sub said if I'm feeling tense or stressed they come around easily.

4:45 PM

@Reality Winner arr I've met another fellow pirate lmao

@Moderator -- Subduction What did you mean with white knuckling it by the way?

Yeah I've been seeing therapists since I was a child but my main issue was not having a therapist who specialized in eating disorders. It takes alot of time to find the right person or meds

@Reality Winner Gosh, I don't know what this "torrent" thing is you're talking about, but I'm sure you can find a copy there...

4:45 PM

I don't know if I will experience withdrawl symptoms but thats my biggest fear about going cold turkey

The dissociation is probably my biggest gripe with withdrawal, but every morning is getting milder, just trying to deal with the night times now

@Reality Winner My suggestion is that you read the whole book, including the introduction. which I never usually do. But he talks about all the clinical evidence behind cbt, and even better, behind how cbt from a book works so well.

also 2 weeks and a bit, but the constant thought of weed is there too, first and last thought, hoping that tapers down a bit as approach week 3 and 4

@Reality Winner you will probably experience some, not all but some! The biggest challenge is developing some healthier coping habits to deal with them and to try to stay out of your head.

I just remembered this from a long time ago. The first time I ever truly quit I made it to about 100-110 days. I eventually decided to smoke again and I remember taking one hit of a bowl and thinking, “wow what was I doing this whole time.” It really set in how much weed actually affected my thought process. My thinking was immediately clouded and while I did eventually go back to smoking I think if anyone does turn back to it again you might have that same realization and decide to quit for good.

@Enzo I have faith in you, I'm approaching the third week and every morning and night i feel like I'm missing something in my schedule still.

I'm no scientist but I believe THC is stored in fat cells so if you've low body fat you'll perhaps have a less gnarly withdrawal @Reality Winner I think I benefitted anyways

‍♀️ always a silver lining... (edited)

@Enzo White kncukling it is when you're just grabbing on to quitting so hard that your knuckles turn white -- it implies that you are staying quit through sheer force of will. Will is important, but it's not sustainable. You need to start running experiments to see what quells your cravings and keeps you busy. Start changing your life away from weed rather than just forcing yourself every day

Ah i see, well the biggest routine changes i have done is actually doing my assignment work, and trying to hit targets i never did while high, so i study during the day and do my questions and at night i game

4:51 PM

im really glad i didn't game and smoke, i kept that separate the entire time and im thankful i had the foresight to at least do that lol

@anonymous damn, thanks for sharing that....

@Moderator -- Subduction has an awesome point there, i had that issue my first week and is was like torture. My only focus was not smoking weed and doing nothing else. I literally got nothing done which is okay! But I was feeling stagnant and not productive with my time, all the free time left my thoughts to wander.

4:53 PM

@anonymous what made you want to smoke again if you care that I ask?

@Enzo It's great your getting your work done, that can give you a real sense of accomplishment, but start pulling apart your desire to smoke -- when it happens, your mood when it happens most -- write them down, and then write down things to try to sort it out.

@Enzo I would smoke and play games back in college, probably the biggest waste of time in my life. It makes the most mind numbing tasks in a game bearable which gets so addicting over time. (edited)

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

Five minute warning! But we'll be back at 5pm US Eastern time today! Tomorrow we will have been up for a week! Every single day we've made new friends here. I can't tell you how exciting it's been to see it grow.

@anonymous can relate. Last time I smoked the high hit, I panicked and before I passed out I wrote on a TRIGGER WARNING McDonald's napkin: "you are taking a drug to deliberately dissociate, ie making yourself mentally ill, WHO DOES THAT?!" Not the exact words but the sentiment was the same (edited)

2

@~*ALiCiA*~ yeah it was a pretty eye opening revelation. And @IssaBLR at that point I don’t think I truly wanted to quit. I knew it wasn’t worth it for me anymore and I was throwing away so much to do it but at the time I couldn’t bring myself to give it up. I also didn’t really have the external encouragement that I thought I needed at the time.

Can you have a remind me bot in here for me to wear my glasses?

@Reality Winner I'm glad you jumped in today. I hope we'll see you back.

@M1NDFEEDER wow that is the perfect way to put it. I had almost an identical thought. I remember going back inside after taking the one hit and just watching tv as I thought about my whole life and how this drug was making me disassociate from all of my problems.

@M1NDFEEDER I'll talk to Dave Bot, but last time I tried he kicked me out of his office.

Yeah high me wanted to save me apparently. I wrote "I LOVE YOU" on the back

‍♀️

@anonymous

@anonymous fair enough statement, I have those thoughts too these days like "why am I trying to get sober?" I overpower them now but 100 days in like you were I could see it being easy to forget your motives. (edited)

Ahahah @Moderator -- Subduction

@M1NDFEEDER Yeah, if only we followed through on the insights we discovered high. But then I got high...

I got you @M1NDFEEDER instead of saying hello I'll just ask if you have your glasses on first

Oh you're my favourite @IssaBLR

please do

❤️ hey you’re here now and making a choice to quit! @M1NDFEEDER

Alright all, time to close up. Back at 5, great to see you all!

Peace out everyone and stay strong!

Closing...

5:00 PM

Locked channel #leaves_lounge

5:00 PM

That's it for now everybody! We'll be back at 5pm Eastern Time (UTC-4) today!

Remember, there's also a 24-hour conversation at http://reddit.com/r/leaves -- jump over there and introduce yourself, and take a look at the stickied post for the next live chat meeting.

See you soon!

r/leaves

Welcome, we'll be starting soon!

Opening...

10:00 PM

Unlocked channel #leaves_lounge

10:00 PM

WELCOME! Welcome to Leaves Lounge everybody! We're the official server of the r/leaves community on Reddit! First, a few things to keep in mind:

This is a place for people who have made the decision to quit using cannabis for good. If you haven't made that decision yet you're still welcome, but we just ask you to listen and not participate.

If you are high right now that's okay, but please just listen and don't participate.

We are a place of kindness. Please be patient and understanding, even if people aren't being patient with you.

Please no medical questions, or discussion of other drugs, supplements, or remedies, including CBD.

Please no links to outside media, studies, or other resources. The only expert we want to hear from is you talking about you.

Now please introduce yourself, tell us a little about where you are and how you're feeling, welcome newcomers, and don't be shy!

@here Hello everyone! Leaves Lounge is open for the next hour!

10:00 PM

If this is your first time here, this is an informal chat, there are no speakers, so just jump in! For those of you who don't know me, I'm Subduction. I was an everyday smoker for ten years, and now I have 21 years quit. Now you -- check in and let us know how you're doing with your quit.

hey everybody, still surviving, good to see you subduction

Hi @Chickens !

greetings from Denmark. I am 36 days clean today and I was a smoker for about 4,5 years

congrats mike, stay strong!

Hi all. Tomorrow will be one week.

Hello @Deleted User

10:01 PM

Hi @Michael A week is awesome.

what's everybody been up to

@Michael How are you feeling?

10:03 PM

@Deleted User I've been trying to clean. It's so easy to let thing slide on lockdown

Yeah I feel you man, gotta get some structure in the day

Proud! It's been neither very easy nor very hard

@Deleted User Yeah, didn't actually get dressed yesterday. Robe day. Not a positive development.

I'm about to go to crazy dream land

Haha sounds chill tho. It was saturday so I guess you're good for now lol

I quit cold after using it on 4/20 more out of a sense of duty than enjoyment

Wish me luck guys

Ha @♛KAXA♛ !

I'm gonna try to have a lucid dream

glhf

Since my dreams seem realer than life

Good luck. Be wary of sleep paralysis bro

Lol

10:05 PM

Dont say that please

if it happens it happens

10:06 PM

nah man youre good bro

During this quarantine the sleep paralysis demon be looking kind of cute tho

lemme know what happens G

Hello, leavers.

As a reminder for people who are looking for it, a leaves user posts a ling to a great series of sleep tips that have been posted on leaves over the years. https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/6re5u5/some_more_effective_sleep_tips/

r/leaves - Some more effective sleep tips ...

11 votes and 1 comment so far on Reddit

10:09 PM

Hi @Ghastles ! Glad you made it!

10:09 PM

How's your quit going?

hey

hi @Deleted User, welcome!

Hi Subduction. its nice to be here!

it’s been a bit rough few days

10:13 PM

:/

Because of all this or the world at large?

@Moderator -- Subduction are posts approved by mods because mine didn’t rly appear on the sub

@Deleted User rp What are you feeling?

sorry to hear that, Burp :(

all this

10:13 PM

it’s day 4 for me

@Deleted User They can be, let me have a look

Today is my day one, stay strong burp! Everyone here is inspiration for me

Hi @holly!

I found day 4 to be tough, it gets easier though @Deleted User

Honestly, i was pretty demotivated this morning, after my first post ever to reddit / leaves got burried by new posts within minutes

Heh that's the reddit way

I’m bricking it for tomorrow. Not made it past 1 day without in the last 5 years. How long does it get worse for and when does it start to get better? In anyone’s experience anyway

That's why we should all sort by new hint hint

@holly we’re all here for you

10:16 PM

This server is brilliant for support

I like reading reddit, but participating on discord more -- and was kind of bummed to find out that this server is so time-boxed. Hint hint :)

I’d speak to Sub if you have suggestions

@Deleted User thank you! Yeah I popped in yesterday knowing today was day 1 and everyone was lovely

glad to be here

but, turned that post into a journal of sorts, so even if its hidden away, theres at least some tangible proof / writing of this experience... which is super important to me.

@holly I’m on day 12 after doing it every day for five years, it’s tough but after day 3 it gets easier

10:17 PM

In fact, even day 2 is seen as an improvement (edited)

so sorry Holly! the first day is terrible :(

Physically journaling can be nice too

10:17 PM

I've been doing that for two years just for fun

greetings

but glad you are pushing yourself through it.

Hardest part is just understanding that you can still watch films, play video games and live your life without weed

10:18 PM

Sleep too

10:18 PM

@Phaxxy Hello buddy!

@Ghastles Sorry! It's an unusual time for us. We had a post go to number one on all of reddit, so traffic has gone nuts. But please post as often as you like.

@Deleted User well done!! I’ve had like 2 instances of going a day without but I’ve always found day two worse so fingers crossed for tomorrow! Hopefully day 3/4 will be easier

10:19 PM

So relate to the tv video games without it!

i don't like reading leaves reddit that much honestly it just gets me more stressed

10:19 PM

@holly Chamomile tea will be your best friend at night for sleep

Ham Mouse, it took a while before I could. if a show came on or song that i watched smoking weed.... it was an instant stressor

i start gettin into that anxious thinking mode

10:19 PM

@Ghastles Couldnt agree more, I couldn’t listen to reggae for a week at least

10:19 PM

Was just like a trigger for me to grab the grinder

@Moderator -- Subduction thank you!

10:20 PM

aye.

I’ve been using a meditation app which has like mood check in and notes which I’ve found super helpful today

Good evening everybody! I'm 20 days strong after 10 years of smoking habitually.

@IssaBLR whaddup family

Congratulations @IssaBLR !

Well done bondomatic!!!

@Ghastles We'll have well over 200,000 users this month. A truly crazy number, but awesome too. People are starting to hear about us.

Hey Bond! Congrats mate!

@IssaBLR Hey!

There's this new netflix show by the guy who made Adventure Time, "Midnight Gospel". I put it on the first night after quitting and wow it is totally made for stoners. I stuck it through two episodes partly to tempt fates and come out on top, but wow, it was hard

Only thing I’ve noticed I can’t play much anymore sober is football manager. As for everything else, it’s fine now

Thanks guys!! And I love seeing some new faces here!

I still can't listen to Fleetwood Mac. I miss Stevie

@Michael I had that reaction to Rick and Morty. I haven't smoked in 21 years, but I was amazed to hear myself think "Wow, I'd like to be high for this..."

Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow!

10:22 PM

Let that be your motivation

@Michael I love this show, i dont think its exactly made for stoners but the psychedelic presence is heavy in it. It's a good show for an Intro for spiritualism and mindfulness.

That's awesome @Moderator -- Subduction The world needs a safe place for weed leavers to support each other. Imo weed tends to be overlooked by traditional addiction services.... You have created an amazing thing here.

1

Hey guys, quick question here. I'll give a little backstory first.

Sure Ritchey, shoot

What's up @M1NDFEEDER you got them glasses?

@Deleted User No Fleetwood Mac, one day at a time. Stop thinking about tomorrow.

Ahahah @Deleted User #triggered

Hey @Richey!

What haha

10:23 PM

Ah * (edited)

10:24 PM

i just want to stop burying my pain in escapism in general now

@IssaBLR fair, I'd only seen the first two, and considering how heavy the first ep is on talking about drugs -- specifically weed -- and "there's no such thing as a bad drug, only bad relationships with them" I was like... damn, universe, you're really calling me out on my first night, huh

Totally do @IssaBLR

@Ghastles couldn’t agree more about services overlooking us, I went to a local service and it was horrible, felt so invalidated like weed shouldn’t even be hard to quit! You guys have already been 10x more helpful!

Guy's you won't believe this. I was eating some caramel chocolate earlier today and my gold cap fell off, exposing my nerve root on my tooth, like the pain is legitimately making me feel sick solid 9/10 as it's exposed nerve ending

Ive been a heavy smoker for about 10 years, for the 2nd half it's been about an 8th per day which then moved on to dabs, smoking about a gram a day. I've been weed free for 11 days now, and I honestly havent had any cravings or anything. Obviously im getting the withdrawals bad but that was expected. I'm more happy that im not craving it. But the issue i'm having is my mornings, I can't get out of bed and I dont start feeling even semi normal until like 7-8 at night. It's really weird but im guessing its my brain adapting to no weed?

All hospitals are not doing any dental treatments and neither are dentists, im very, very fortunate that my auntie runs a private dental practice and got me a phone call with one within the hour and some anti-biotics prescribed and a check tomorrow comped by her

I'm sleeping like 16 hours a day it seems

other-wise it would be outta pocket cost of thousands

@Ritchey It’s a bit like playing monopoly every night and suddenly not playing anymore

holy crap Enzo, thats horrible

might weigh in my gold cap see what it's worth

10:25 PM

hahaha

haha

@Michael yeah that first episode is very drug oriented. I think its like the hook to get you on it, especially with dr. Drew on there. The third one is amazing because it's an interview with Damien Echols (satanic panic victim) and he talks about magic. Honestly my favorite show beating out the good ol Rick and Morty lol

I just keep thinking about tomorrow, add another day to the amount of days I’ve been sober for, positivity breeds positivity

Got find those silver linings @Enzo

@Enzo Oh jeez, sorry man. I know dentists are considered essential, so some are taking emergency appointments, call around. You can also get temporary fillings at the drugstore that covers the nerve.

Or should I say...

10:26 PM

GOLD

10:26 PM

Cool, I'm hyped to watch the 3rd and beyond :)

@IssaBLR what show?

So many little lines of dialogue from the second episode have really stuck with me

@M1NDFEEDER you may or may not have your glasses but your jokes are still on point.

Toughest times I find are at night as it was the most common time I ever did it

Midnight Gospel @Ghastles

thanks @Michael

@Ritchey First and foremost, 11 days is great. What time are you getting to bed? Are you sleeping?

My real issue is just the morning is so bad, im not really struggling to sleep I just feel so shitty in the morning.

I'm actually wearing them, no typos see?

2

I've been going to sleep around 4am and i dont get up until about 3. Waking up every 2-3 hours

Same for me. The last episode made me cry a bit lol it's so beautifully done.

@Ritchey are you more anxious in the mornings or are you just feeling lower?

Also @Moderator -- Subduction yeah, I'm simultaneously excited for the next R&M episodes to drop (obviously) but also dreading a little because it was one of those things that I would ritualistically get high for every time

It's a bit of both, my heart rate in the morning and my chest is extremely tight, but I also feel very low.

the anxiety is rough for me

10:28 PM

i just feel nervous and uneasy all the time

@Ritchey Well, as the saying goes, there's your problem...

Did you see the sleep thread I posted earlier? (edited)

Ive been taking ativan and just got prescribed zoloft so ill be starting that this week.

@Ritchey you're doing great and dont let the constant sleeping get you down, my first week my routine was sleep, watch tv, and then sleep again lmao

@Ritchey I’ve found I’ve been tight cheated too, which feels really backwards

kinda ironic since i used weed to calm my anxieties

no I haven't i'll have to check that out!

Thank guys, i rang the hospital got told not to go there unless my eye swells shut as i risk exposure to covid and if it's not severe enough they will turn me away and the only dentists that are doing work are when the multi millionaires are paying thousands and thousands for lol, i feel extremely fortunate to have an auntie in the position she is in, other-wise i would be screwed until whenever lock-down ends, but if i don't need the work doing i can wait a little bit i just need something for the pain and trying to not reach for weed and just wait until i can get some pain killers from the doctor tomorrow

i don't have too much appetite and i have to practically force myself to eat

10:29 PM

and day/night sweats are annoying

Yep the first week can be hella tough, just keep going, it's a cliché but IT DOES GET EASIER

@Ritchey Sleep hygiene is your friend.

@Deleted User yeah dude what you're feeling is raw feeling. for me it was like that for a little bit in the beginning. sweating and anxiety for sure.

@Deleted User Yeah the sweats can be bad at the start, I had it particularly with my hands and feet

10:29 PM

i wonder

10:29 PM

is it from withdrawl

10:29 PM

or just my regular ass feelings coming back

10:30 PM

or both

bit of both

@Deleted User Think it’s a bit of both

Stay strong @Enzo - you’ll feel amazing once your tooth is sorted and you know that you didn’t go for the weed to deal with it in the meantime! You got this

Option 3

@Moderator -- Subduction could I get a link to that thread? Can't find it

@Ritchey Here you go...https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/6re5u5/some_more_effective_sleep_tips

r/leaves - Some more effective sleep tips ...

10 votes and 1 comment so far on Reddit

10:33 PM

@here This is my usual halfway post to lurkers -- please just jump in and say hello! We'd love to know how you're doing...

@Deleted User after my first week I was an emotional mess. It was honestly like all those years I was numbing my feelings they were coming back to bite me. I cried 4 times in one week which was a record for me lol

fr

10:33 PM

i cried

10:33 PM

like twice

10:33 PM

i don't usually cry

10:33 PM

the anxiety gets overwhelming sometimes

10:33 PM

@Deleted User Raw emotions buddy

10:34 PM

Just know we’re all in a similar boat and are here for you whenever you need to talk

Awesome thanks, i'll try some of those. I think once i'm able to get past the morning being so depressive i'll never look back. I'm just really happy i dont have any cravings as of now. The only "Craving" i have is im sick if feeling like crap but i think in the long run it will be worth it.

Im on day 3 now, and I've already noticed some improvements... like, my vocabulary has expanded, and im making about 85% less typos.... But its really hard to focus on anything specific. Im scared to start a new project right away... because in the past that was my go to... and as soon as i finished a project I would relapse. Have insomnia, and when I finally get to sleep, when i wake up, am sick to my stomach for about an hour.... but honestly... the physical symptoms are nothing compared to the mental uncertainty, doubt, cravings, and anxiety

@Ghastles i feel a lot more alert too

10:34 PM

which i like

10:34 PM

i don't feel dumb

10:34 PM

and like a zombie (edited)

<3

@Deleted User The regulars here know that I like to recommend a book to people -- "Feeling Good" by David Burns. Have you run across it yet?

the catalyst that got me to quit was a panic/anxiety attack i had

That's what's up @Ghastles! gotta love those small improvements and that appreciation for that stuff makes it worthwhile.

after smoking too much

Relatable content @Deleted User

same @Deleted User . Weed had always helped my anxiety but in reality i think it was me just using weed to hide it, and after so long the weed isnt hiding it anymore and made it worse

@Deleted User its tough dude. when i was getting high my days were either a 1 or a 10. now i have those days that are just 5's or 6's. but im okay with that and the more okay with that I become the more my days start to look like 10's again

Though long ago my resolution was simply giving up edibles

like i just felt the same

@Phaxxy exactly what you said right there. Just gotta except human suffering is inevitable in life and it's how you deal with it that makes us all better.

@richie -- yeah mornings suck for awhile, but if you get up and go to sleep at the exact same time with eight hours in the middle it gets better

Thanks @IssaBLR . I agree, if i wasnt actively trying to chart improvements, I dont think I would have made it this far.

Well said Bond

10:37 PM

honestly music helps with my anxiety a bit (edited)

10:37 PM

just distracts me from my thoughts

@IssaBLR true. life is hard. but the 5's and 6's are neutral and i try to look at them from a positive light

@Moderator -- Subduction big issue with me is that my niece and nephew live upstairs for a few months and theyre so loud and up early, it really kills my schedule unless I go to sleep at 7pm like them

If you use caffeine I'd look into that too @Deleted User

@M1NDFEEDER yea i drink soda a shitton

Ding Ding Ding dude (edited)

@Deleted User You and me both, it can be very calming for it I find

My building has 0 soundproofing and I live underneath a six year old. I feel that. Finding earplugs that work for me was the only thing that's helped. Good luck :/ @Ritchey

@Deleted User not just that, but certain types of music, has been proven to have relaxing effects on the body

10:38 PM

@burp have you tried making musicm

I can honestly recommend you taper that down and it may help massively

Got what you're saying there @Phaxxy anyday living 6ft above ground is going to be an alright day.

the only easy day was yesterday

Ain't that the truth @IssaBLR

I'm only 5'11 but close enough eh?

Same!

10:40 PM

On a good day

Try being 5ft3

10:40 PM

Did someone say Napoleon complex

@IssaBLR i aint what i oughta be. i aint what i wanna be. but thank god i aint what i was

@Ritchey Well, it may seem ugly, but maybe you might consider it for a little while. Especially if you're tempted at night.

gandhi

@Ritchey Also seems ridiculous, but you could consider sleeping in earplugs. The beautiful, wonderful woman I'm married to is a bit of a snorer, so I can testify that they work like a charm.

@Phaxxy I'm dying bro that's beautiful.

thats an amazing quote @Phaxxy

I honestly may look into sleeping earplugs, I always wake up mid anxiety attack because it sounds like a bowling ball is about to fall through the floor.

10:42 PM

I never wake up naturally

Oh yeah, the earplugs I mentioned are purely for sleeping

i think i might be speaking to my therapist tommorow and my doctor next week

2

those soft foam earplugs are pretty great

hopefully i can get some insight from them on how to deal with this as well

You have my sympathy @Ritchey I got sober during storms over here. Didn't think I'd ever sleep again

@Ritchey The foam ones are best, but I apparently have the ear canals of a five year old girl, so they're too big for me. I use the putty silicone ones and they're great.

i remember being in an airbnb in DTLA, i couldn't sleep

10:44 PM

even after earplugs

10:44 PM

i guess im lucky i live in a quiet place

I’m headed to bed now! Thanks again for being so supportive, happy I’ve achieved day one and hopefully tomorrow will go well too. Night guys, well done to everyone doing so well!! X

Goidnight @holly !!

Keep at it @holly

Good to see you @holly! Hope to see you again soon!

Nice meeting you @holly you got this!!

Thank you so much you’re all so kind! Will be back tomorrow

night x

how do i flush thc out of my system faster? (if i even can) (edited)

10:48 PM

i've heard water but not sure if thats a myth or not

Pass but I'd definitely recommend exercise

yea

Endorphins ftw (edited)

i got some resistance tubes to do workouts with (edited)

@Deleted User All those "methods" are off-topic for us as a group, so I'll limit this discussion some, mostly because they are really myths. The only real way is to not smoke, live healthy. and let your body do its thing. It wants it out, just let it.

theres no real way to flush out the system of thc faster because it stores in fat cells

got yall

10:50 PM

ty

I've read drinking water, exercise, and as @Moderator -- Subduction living a healthy lifestyle out helps tremendously!

@Deleted User It makes sense that we feel this way -- we've been ordering our body to feel a certain way instantly with a drug, you just get used to being like "okay, I quit, get better NOW."

yea

10:51 PM

its bc you don't got that rush anymore

10:51 PM

of dopamine

10:51 PM

your body is used to

instant gratification is rough

well, its because your tried and tested method of instant gratification doesnt work. there are other methods of getting the dopamine rush. the challenge is finding which one works for you

2

It's also fun

Exactly everyone wants to be at the top of the summit but no one wants to make the climb.

To try new things to clarify

no summit baby we STAY climbing

Or as ronnie Coleman said "everyone wanna get big and strong but dont wanna lift them heavy ass weights"

man. instant gratification is just terrible.

@IssaBLR hahaha

Well it is if it's abused @Ghastles

@Phaxxy the grind is truly the climb.

kinda realised over the last bit, that as a society we are trained to it... but as an addict, it seems so... much more... worse

But hey I'm mindfeeder and I'm an addict soo...

the challenge for me in the past was that all the other things that gave me gratification I also did while high. so I had to learn how to do them sober and allow the memories of the gratification high gives me to fade. in neuroscience, its called depotentiation, as synaptic connections related to the memory of getting high fade and become harder to activate

2

One of my fave scifi genres is post-scarcity -- everything is already solved and bountiful and free, so there are often good dives into what makes existence meaningful when everything can be instantly gratified

Hey @M1NDFEEDER

@IssaBLR no days off

rip grandma

like we live in a world, where we can get our food delivered to our door, cooked, with the click of a mouse

@Michael like brave new world?

Sorry recovery meetings kicking in there lmao

Okay all, we'll be closing up in five minutes!

That's up there for sure! One of my top choices

10:56 PM

lately I've been into the Culture series

never heard of it

10:56 PM

who is the author

Iain M Banks

are there audio books? lol

@michael thats a great concept, and I enjoy sci_fi like that as well

Maybe, not sure since I don't do audiobooks

lol, audio books, and instant gratification

I've never had the attention span for audio haha

finding meaning in a world where every need can be easily met usually can be very tough. a world with so many people that it is truly hard to be special. it is easy for me to get caught up in hedonism.

(i enjoy audio books, but kinda see the irony there)

I'm a "stop and smell the roses" reader so I need to intake the same paragraph like three times before it sticks

Speaking of food mine has just arrived ordered by the click of a button, night y'all

@Michael that's amazing it's like flip flopped for me lol I do the same for audio books if I miss something I'm hitting that rewind button

later mind

Okay folks, we'll be closing in two minutes, but we'll be back at 11am US Eastern time tomorrow! So happy to see new people here today, the time is just flying by. Hope to see you all again at one of our two meetings tomorrow!

i ho estly havent read a paper book in years. I let weed take my ability to focus, or even enjoy, reading.

i have a very long commute to work so audio books are great

@M1NDFEEDER gotta love technology, have a good one!

Thanks for hosting this @Moderator -- Subduction! look forward to seeing everyone tomorrow!

yea later everyone

I'm getting out of here yall, peace out and stay strong!

@Default if you do by chance check out that series, I have to +1 the consensus opinion which is to skip the first book

good luck and keep on carrying on

10:59 PM

lol thanks michael. might do that

stay safe, stay sober, everyone!

So great to see you all as always!

Peace all. Gonna make some potstickers 8)

You as well @Moderator -- Subduction I say this all the time thanks again for all this!